What was yesterday all about?

Yesterday my BPD ex contacted me again, after 'dumping' me 3 weeks earlier. He sent me a text message, out of the blue, reminding me of a very sensual time we had had together.....anyway I found myself drawn into text sex all that night, which ended in him saying, 'I could get on a plane and be right beside you in bed this time tomorrow' and I said 'You know where I am, just ring me when you want picking up from the airport'.

And today, nothing, zilch, zero.....Not one text message, I stupidly even sent him details of some cheap flights, but nothing, no reply.

So what the hell was yesterday about?? I could have sworn it was a 'hoover'. Maybe on reflection he regretted the contact also? Maybe he is game playing again, and wants me to beg him to come (he has done that before)? Maybe he feels if he keeps me hanging on a string, maybe I'll say 'its ok babe', I'll tiptoe around you again, lower my boundaries, and stop insisting on therapy? Or maybe he has changed his mind and is just not ready to face me yet, or has slipped into one of his depressions or psychoses?

Can anyone throw some light on the subject? What was yesterday really about? Doesn't matter how well I think I know this man, he will always do something to confuse me.

I tried to tell you...
He's just proving that he can still suck you in. You mean nothing to him except someone he'll be able to use when no one else is around.
He's not feeling regret. He's not FEELING anything.

You need to let him go and let him ruin someone else's life. You have your life to run and rebuild and forget him.
I understand you love him, but this love thing he has for you is not what you think it is. It's a BPD thing where we suck you in, bleed you dry and wait until you'll be useful again, for an ego boost or maybe some money, some sex... but not love. We don't need your love. You're gonna leave, so we leave you first and NOTHING YOU DO WILL EVER CHANGE THAT OPINION OF YOU EVER.

I care about you, and I know you're probably confused and in pain right now, I get that. I've hurt a lot of people.
I feel bad about that, kinda, but part of me still thinks they were suckers for falling for it, and I'm at a stage of my life that people call recovery. If your ex is NOT at that stage WHAT do you think he's thinking about you right now? Seriously, ponder that... You need to move on and never talk to him again. He's toxic. He will hurt you over and over and mess with your head until you don't know which end is up...

I can't forget about him and move on, I can't even contemplate the fact that the last 3 and a half years was a total lie.....can't you understand that?

I have to believe he loved me, that the relationship was real, else I will go crazy. I'm a 44 year old woman, in a professional career, I've been married before, had relationships before, travelled the world. I have to believe in myself, in my intuition, in my feelings, and trust that it hasn't all been a lie. Otherwise the centre core of who I am will be distroyed.

I know him better than anyone else, and he is not a bad person, but has a serious illness. Would I let him go if he had diabetes or cancer, I don't think so. I told him if he had therapy and was serious about therapy, I would stick by him, I will continue to stand by my word. I don't break my word.

In the meantime, yes I am hurting, but I am getting on with my life, I'm having therapy, I've started going to the gym and I've started to fill the big hole that he left in my life. I'm not sitting around at home crying, that is not my way.

If a person texts me or rings me, I will answer, and I will show concern about people I care about......I cannot just drop them dead. Wouldn't I be showing some of the same traits as him if I did that. I'm a good person, a loving caring person, some of that has to rub off on him. He is not a sociopath, he has a conscience, he feels guilt, he feels love.

Thankyou for caring, but in many aspects I have grown stronger in this relationship, I'm setting firmer boundaries and learning more about myself too......and I like what I see.....I like the fact that I have this great capacity for love....it is not a negative...and I plan on hanging on to that part of myself. I don't want to be cold and unfeeling. As well as my love he deserves my compassion, and he has got it.

When your ex turns up on your door-step, then is the time to take him seriously. Until then, you are doing him or yourself no favours by indulging in his 'text sex' and suggestions of a reconciliation.

Hard, I know; but you seem to be doing very well by not falling to bits over this break-up. Perhaps that's why he did what he did yesterday.... to assure himself that he could still have you back, if he so wishes.

best wishes... x x

It wasn't a lie, delljoy... I'm sure he loved you, like a BPDer loves... hard and passionately... and I bet he left you the same way.

You're not doing him any favors by pining over him and caring for him.
You're being his doormat.
He's not going to get better, and you're going to continue to take the abuse.
He's not a sociopath, no... he's worse, because he feels. He gets scared and he runs or he lashes out and you're going to be whipping post because he knows he can abuse you and you'll take it. He can come back to you whenever he wants and he knows that, so he's not going to unless he feels like he needs to draw a little emotional blood.

I've never a BPDer come back and get well. Not to someone they know they can get away with abusing. We'd rather abuse you.
It's easier. Hurts less.

You're a grown woman. You're free to make your own decisions, but you asked what was up, and you've been told.
Don't reject the information given to you just because you wish it weren't true...
I'm sorry he's that way, and I'm sorry to have to tell you how he's thinking. I wish it weren't true either.