What's a day in YOUR life like?

I'm wondering what all of you do on a day to day basis! How do you feel? What do you do? What thoughts go through your head? I'll tell you how my days are and hopefully some of you can relate!

Morning-. I almost ALWAYS wake up with a racing heart and feeling nervous. I check my phone right away. I get up early, shower, do my makeup, drink some coffee and eat some breakfast. 10 minutes before phoning my fiance every morning. I get so nervous.. horrible stomach pains and my heart goes very fast. I worry.. will he pick up? Has he left home and gotten tired of me? Logically, none of that would make sense because we have a good relationship. Sometimes my parents annoy the crap out of me and ask non sense questions. If I'm not in the mood.. watch out!! I leave my house and go to his. I worry while driving.. "Will his car be there?" Again, irrational. I then worry.. will his family be home? I despise almost all of them for the way they treat my fiance. I go in his house, wake him up. Then we sit on our computer for the next few hours. Oh I should also add, I obsessively look through all of his pockets and coats and check the phone bill online. I don't know why.. it just helps me feel better.

Afternoon- Eat lunch.. then go to my friend's house and wake him up. ( He's like a father to me and unemployed...he's been there for me my whole life and nobody else has.) I worry the whole drive there because I have an irrational fear of finding him dead. Or I worry he won't be home and I won't ever see him again.While he gets ready.. I watch tv or look at my phone. Spend maybe 1 hr- 1hr 30 min there.. then I return to my fiance's house. We hang out or go somewhere if we feel like it.

Evening- My fiance goes to work. I return to my friend's house and he cooks me dinner. We spend most of the night watching tv. I'm most comfortable in his house. I love his family and I feel no pressure at all when I'm there. Then I go home later on and go to bed. I should also add, I keep in contact with my fiance all night.. just to make sure he didn't forget about me. He never does lol!

Weekends are the worst for me. My fiance's WHOLE freaking family is home. I avoid them like the plague. Not because they don't like me or I've done anything to them. It's because of what THEY have done to my fiance. His Dad has stolen money from us on more than one occasion and I could really careless about ever speaking to that asshole ever again. What kind of #######5 person steals from their child? UGH! I'm alright with his mother I guess.. we don't talk much. His 2 younger sisters are a lot younger but rude. I tolerate it. The older one, she's very trashy and does drugs and drinks and drives. She's very rude to me for no reason and I no longer speak to her at all. I've been nothing but polite but I will never start a conversation with her. My weekends are filled with worry. I worry how I'll avoid them when I have to walk through the house. The only coping method I've found to be successful without being impolite is to pretend I'm talking on the phone. That way, they won't speak to me.

Well that's basically my life! LOL! Throw in a lot of worry, obsessive thoughts and irrational thinking in there too. If my daily schedule changes, I fall to pieces.

atm my day starts fine, for 3 secconds. then my eyes arms and legs feel like there burning and my mind feels funny. i try to wait it out and see if it goes, but then i take some medication.
i will wait for that to cick in and then cant move for a few hours.
proberly have a breakdown in the afternoon, and then in the eavening im ready for bed.

atm that is my day

Wow, Lilycat....that's a whole lot of worrying. But the good thing is you recognise that you're doing it!

I have different things on different days but I ALWAYS have something, unless plans get cancelled on me (like tomorrow - supposed to have girls in the afternoon like I do every Friday but of course it's THE wedding so ex has the day off and is taking the girls to visit his sister, who I've been trying to arrange a visit with for months, nearly a year now).cry: I miss my niece and nephew (he won't even remember me).

Anyway - rant aside. Here's a typical day.

Get woken by alarm at 7.50...snooze it for 10 minutes. Some days I wake up no problem, other days I really struggle to keep my eyes open. Some days it's because I don't have much scheduled and want to fill my time by sleeping to knock out the dysphoria...other days I want to get up but literally can't keep my eyes open so I wonder if my thyroid levels are playing up.
Shower, breakfast, cup of tea. Generally my mind is planning the day ahead and trying to remember all the things I "need" to do. when I find myself getting stressed and running about too much I try to take the pressure off myself...maybe write a list so I can check things off and work out the priorities.
Mondays I have a tai chi class in the morning (very relaxing) and in the afternoon I do my housework. Tuesday mornings I pick up my youngest from nursery and we go to the library for stories and songs. Afternoon I sometimes get a bit dysphoric and end up eating too much chocolate. Tuesday evenings I have a rehearsal with LAMS (musical society). Wednesday I have DBT in the morning, and fortnightly I have Behavioural Activation in the afternoon. I get the shopping while I'm in town, and again have a funny afternoon if the group isn't on. Rehearsal in the evening for MAOS (a different muscial society0. Thursday mornings I don't have anything on so puddle around the house or garden. Afternoon is my creative writing class and evening is another tai chi class. Friday mornings I sometimes have my psychologist - it used to be every Friday but recently it's dropped to every 2 or 3 or 4 weeks. Afternoon I take my youngest to a "dance" class then pick up the biggest one from school and we have tea at mine. Saturdays are all or nothing - I either have the girls from 10am until 4pm or from 4pm overnight. Sunday is church in the morning and afternoon is either on my own, feeling dysphoric, or with the girls at my dad and step-mums.

I keep myself busy to keep the dysphoria at bay. If I didn't have something to do every day, I would spend most of my time in bed, sleeping to avoid feeling anything, or watching TV or online. I am tryng to teach myself how to relax and feel OK about not doing something...but it's hard. Because I feel like there's always something I "should" be doing. Even in the evenings watching TV I tend to be working on a cross-stitch or making bracelets, especially if I've not done anything all afternoon. I really suffer when things are cancelled or have finished for the holidays.....that was my problem last month. EVERYTHING was stopped for about 4 to 5 weeks and I couldn't handle the feeling of.....well, just ynah...dysphoria.

I ALWAYS WAKE UP NERVOUS!!!! Ah this is why I can rarely enjoy sleeping in.

Oh, it's hard to say what an average day is like. I'll just describe today.

8:30 Get up, get things set up for my daughter (set blankets on couch, get out her milk and breakfast, turn TV to sesame street which she likes to see in the morning). Then get daughter. Snuggle with her and watch Sesame Street until about 9:00

9:00 Play with daughter

10:00 Take daughter to playground

11:00 come home, get ready to go to school

11:45 Go to school. Classes until 3.

4:00 Get home, daughter is at her grandparents' for the night. Clean living and dining room, which are strewn with toys

5:00 Finish my part of a group project for psych class

6:00 Print out a bunch of journal articles for a lit review for psych

6:30-now read, text, sit around, think about lit review and school assignments, have a drink, talk on phone to friend, go online

Lilycat10 wrote:I'm wondering what all of you do on a day to day basis! How do you feel? What do you do? What thoughts go through your head? I'll tell you how my days are and hopefully some of you can relate!

Morning-. I almost ALWAYS wake up with a racing heart and feeling nervous. I check my phone right away. I get up early, shower, do my makeup, drink some coffee and eat some breakfast. 10 minutes before phoning my fiance every morning. I get so nervous.. horrible stomach pains and my heart goes very fast. I worry.. will he pick up? Has he left home and gotten tired of me? Logically, none of that would make sense because we have a good relationship. Sometimes my parents annoy the crap out of me and ask non sense questions. If I'm not in the mood.. watch out!! I leave my house and go to his. I worry while driving.. "Will his car be there?" Again, irrational. I then worry.. will his family be home? I despise almost all of them for the way they treat my fiance. I go in his house, wake him up. Then we sit on our computer for the next few hours. Oh I should also add, I obsessively look through all of his pockets and coats and check the phone bill online. I don't know why.. it just helps me feel better.

Afternoon- Eat lunch.. then go to my friend's house and wake him up. ( He's like a father to me and unemployed...he's been there for me my whole life and nobody else has.) I worry the whole drive there because I have an irrational fear of finding him dead. Or I worry he won't be home and I won't ever see him again.While he gets ready.. I watch tv or look at my phone. Spend maybe 1 hr- 1hr 30 min there.. then I return to my fiance's house. We hang out or go somewhere if we feel like it.

Evening- My fiance goes to work. I return to my friend's house and he cooks me dinner. We spend most of the night watching tv. I'm most comfortable in his house. I love his family and I feel no pressure at all when I'm there. Then I go home later on and go to bed. I should also add, I keep in contact with my fiance all night.. just to make sure he didn't forget about me. He never does lol!

Weekends are the worst for me. My fiance's WHOLE freaking family is home. I avoid them like the plague. Not because they don't like me or I've done anything to them. It's because of what THEY have done to my fiance. His Dad has stolen money from us on more than one occasion and I could really careless about ever speaking to that asshole ever again. What kind of #######5 person steals from their child? UGH! I'm alright with his mother I guess.. we don't talk much. His 2 younger sisters are a lot younger but rude. I tolerate it. The older one, she's very trashy and does drugs and drinks and drives. She's very rude to me for no reason and I no longer speak to her at all. I've been nothing but polite but I will never start a conversation with her. My weekends are filled with worry. I worry how I'll avoid them when I have to walk through the house. The only coping method I've found to be successful without being impolite is to pretend I'm talking on the phone. That way, they won't speak to me.

Well that's basically my life! LOL! Throw in a lot of worry, obsessive thoughts and irrational thinking in there too. If my daily schedule changes, I fall to pieces.

Hi Lilycat..

Do you have a job?

If not.. why not?

Your boyfriend's father... I don't blame you for thinking as you do about him, if he has stolen money from the two of you.

If you get so stressed being around his family, why do you go there? Can't you meet at your home? You say that you don't talk to his mother much, you hate his father, his eldest sister is rude to you.... this would be stressful to anyone. Does your bf know how much you hate going to his house? If he does... then why does he allow you to put yourself through this every weekend?

I read the news today, oh boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh
I saw the photograph

He blew his mind out in a car
He didn't notice that the lights had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They'd seen his face before
Nobody was really sure
If he was from the House of Lords

I saw a film today, oh boy
The English Army had just won the war
A crowd of people turned away
But I just had to look
Having read the book

I'd love to turn you on

Woke up, fell out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up I noticed I was late

Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke
And somebody spoke and I went into a dream

I heard the news today, oh boy
Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all
Now they know how many holes it takes
To fill the Albert Hall

I'd love to turn you on

No, I don't work. I used to when I was a teen but had to quit after having massive panic attacks & crying before, after and even while I was working. I don't plan on ever working again.

Oh yes, he knows. I say it all the time. We are trying to save for our own place but it's not easy. I have a bad shopping addiction which has somewhat rubbed off onto my fiance as well. I can't go to my house because I don't get along well with my Mom sometimes. She's an alcoholic... At least I think she is. It's not that he allows me to put myself through it.. It's just our only option right now & avoiding his family for the last few weeks has been helpful.

Lilycat10 wrote:No, I don't work. I used to when I was a teen but had to quit after having massive panic attacks & crying before, after and even while I was working. I don't plan on ever working again.

Oh yes, he knows. I say it all the time. We are trying to save for our own place but it's not easy. I have a bad shopping addiction which has somewhat rubbed off onto my fiance as well. I can't go to my house because I don't get along well with my Mom sometimes. She's an alcoholic... At least I think she is. It's not that he allows me to put myself through it.. It's just our only option right now & avoiding his family for the last few weeks has been helpful.

So you've decided that you will never work again because you had panic attacks when you were in your teens?

Can't you at least do some voluntary work to gain some confidence co that you can at least THINK about getting a job in the future?

A shopping addiction when you don't earn any money? How does that work then?

I'm unsure how you can save money for your own place if you aren't earning .

You should really try hard to focus on doing something that will fulfil you and then you might not be so focussed on your bf's family and the way they treat you. You need to build on your confidence and you will only do that by doing something that makes you proud of yourself. Are you proud of yourself now? I doubt it very much, as you have no reason to be if all you do all day is hang around your bf's house.

Yea.. I don't want a job. It's not for me. I'm very unreliable in every possible way & I can't stand the pressure of knowing I have to do something.

I don't have much confidence, you're right about that. A job isn't going to give me confidence. I'm pretty content just sitting on the computer all day.

My fiance earns the money and I do the cleaning and pay the bills. I tend to focus on negative things most of the time and I'm working on changing that...but its not easy.