Why Am I So Weak? [trigger]

My girlfriend got raped when we were dating a couple months ago ... I felt like this pig $#%^ had just stabbed a knife through my heart by doing this to my baby girl.

I had a clip of her getting raped playing over and over in my head for a few days like non stop... I kept on breaking down crying, punching $#%^, and throwing up. She was all that mattered to me and I loved her more than anything, my only goal was to protect her... It seems I failed. Let me tell you THE #####& WOULD BE DEAD IF I EVER SEE HIM. Now when I grow up I want to be a serial killer of sex offenders.

Anyways now a days when ever someone mentions rape it triggers memories of her, before this happened anything to do with rape really had no effect on me. I had seen girls get raped (strangers). Come face to face with level 3 sex offenders, and so forth.

Now when ever I hear a girl mention she has been raped I can't help but shed a tear...
Yesterday we watched Schindlers List in school, when the guy went to grab her I just stared at the screen with a demon possesed look on my face clenching my fists and shaking... when I oppened up my hands there was blood from my nails digging into my hands.
When I found this forum and started reading the titles I broke down crying.

This image of my poor innocent girl getting... ###$ HIM IM GON ######6 KILL THIS PIG $#%^ HES DEAD I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE ###$ ###$ ###$ ###$ ###$ YOU.

HE ######6 RAPED HER WHEN SHE WAS 12 SHE STILL HAD HER ######6 HYMEN THE DISGUSTING PIG $#%^ SHE NEVER MASTERBATED OR DID ANYTHING EVER AFTER THAT OMFG I FINALLY GOT HER TO START HAVING SEX AND HE DID IT ***AGAIN***
NOW SHES ###$ UP BAD.

Why does a poor innocent 14 year old girl have to go through this :'(. I want her back so I can hold her and make her happy again, the only time she ever felt safe was when she was with me. yeah her MOM was actually the person who INVITED THE PIG $#%^ BACK TO THE HOUSE AFTER SHE TOLD HER HE RAPED HER. he raped her because SHE ######6 TOLD HER MOM THAT HE RAPED HER.

I tried going to the rape trauma forums and broke down crying as soon as I entered it... Why am I so ######6 weak, how do I get over this? My ex is so strong, and all these girls that have gotten raped are so strong compared to me

when I find him im gona ######6 shove a knife in the back of his neck rape his ass hole whiles hes bleeding out and punch his face till hes dead then proceed to stab his body till there is nothing left but ripped up flesh and guts

Youre not weak. You just care so much about your girlfriend that it kills you to not be 100% perfect in every way for her (which, by the way, no one can be that perfect).
What happened to her is absolutely horrible, but totally out of your control. All you can do right now is be there for her and love her. That will go a long way, trust me. (:

I wish I could be there for her but I got to protective and I freaked out on her when she got mad at me for hacking someones facebook account that was talking $#%^ to her.... she ignored my phone and my facebook. I'm a monsterrr D:

She sent me to the psycho ward and hasn't said a word to me since.

D: Wow. Thats a pretty intense reaction for her to have for what you did. I cant believe shes totally ignoring you, thats not right at all. You deserve some sort of communication (whether thats to end things between you guys, or simply talk things out).

I dont see how youre a monster, seriously. Give yourself more credit. I think youre sweet and we dont know each other.

heh thanks. I agree I would like her to at least tell me that she doesn't ever want to talk to me again and why.

DoobieDoom wrote:heh thanks. I agree I would like her to at least tell me that she doesn't ever want to talk to me again and why.

You should worry less about such things.

They're irrelivant points of life.
You're a good person. I can tell.

It's more important to stop caring about other people and start caring about yourself.
Other people will perpetually let you down and trigger things.
If you rely more on yourself, and people you know are similar to you, like those of us here, who know what you go through, because we go through it too, you'll find yourself feeling better.

I learned that the hard way...
Knowing the kind of people we are... I'm betting you might too, but I'm obligated to try and tell you anyway...
Lol... Otherwise what good is the fact that I've already played this game.
::hugs:: <3 ya Doobie

hehe thanks smile you made me smile

That's what I'm here for.