Why is BPD sexist?

It seems that BPD is being characterised as a female disorder... this makes me feel like a pansy.

Here are my thoughts.

I have/'had 2 close friends with BPD 1 of which was sent to juvy for a few months and killed himself shortly after still in a relationship.

My theory is that the low number of males with BPD is because, males with BPD have a much higher successful suicide rate. I have tried hanging my self tons of times, I even tried hanging my self when I got put in Juvy. (Juvy is possibly the worst place on earth for a BPD)

So Females with BPD are more open/accepted in and out of BPD
Males on the other hand are rarely diagnosed with BPD because it is an elegid female disorder. I had to explain over and over to psychologist why I have BPD.
Males with BPD are probably dead or in jail.
Females are in the mental system.

I think male BPD is different from female though, we still need love but I loved protecting my girl... my favorite thing to do was to hold her and make her feel safe
dating a male BPD is nasty in that sense, going from the protected princess to the hated whore back and forth.

in conclusion im sure bpd is more common in females as they are more dependent and sensitive, sexual assault and such is also much more common among females...

i think that men have it drilled into them that emotion is bad, and for them to have any is bad so they hide it, bottle it up/hit the drink ect.
its more open for women to discuss here emotions its not frowned apon were as a man that talks about them is put down ridiculed, often by there fathers which exasabrates the condition.
leading do antisocial behavior, suiside, prison ect.

at the end of the day its fing hard for anyone that has the condition, and as a man with emotions i am often looked apon as week, but i just smile and know that i fight somthing every day that would proberly beat them.

EXACTLY my dad would make fun of me for crying.... i havent cried infront of anyone in 3 years (besides in juvy)

i think its mostly cause the professionals seem to over dx BPD in women and under dx it in men - partly cause most of the time men are expected to bottle up emotion, partly cause some people are attached to stereotypes and don't understnad BPD can manifest in a lot of different ways and people with BPD are just as individual as people without, even tho they're usually confused about who they are, partly because it has been (and probably still is sometimes) used as a "waste basket diagnosis" for "difficult" female patients.

I didnt cry in front of anyone for about 10 years... most of that time i just didnt cry. im female, but i can understand.

DoobieDoom wrote:It seems that BPD is being characterised as a female disorder... this makes me feel like a pansy.

Yeah, you need to drop that thinking, it's stupid. At first I didn't want to be BPD as well so I was looking at NPD and AsPD instead. I thought then that I would rather have one of those because BPD had always been made out to be something girls/women got, and I felt it would somehow make me 'girly'. This is well before I got any DX. It didn't matter that the BPD description was blaring in my face, I ignored it somehow. Then as time went on it finally began to start coming to public light that, yes, men have it as well I began talking to doctors about it.

DoobieDoom wrote:Here are my thoughts.

I have/'had 2 close friends with BPD 1 of which was sent to juvy for a few months and killed himself shortly after still in a relationship.

My theory is that the low number of males with BPD is because, males with BPD have a much higher successful suicide rate. I have tried hanging my self tons of times, I even tried hanging my self when I got put in Juvy. (Juvy is possibly the worst place on earth for a BPD)

I shouldn't have to tell you that men tend to avoid getting help for anything and that goes 100X more for a mental ailment. They simply don't see a professional or talk about it at all, unless it gets so bad that they absolutely need to (I fit there). Men drink, use drugs (sorta fit there, haven't used drugs though since I was a teen;I used them to fix these 'things' I didn't understand or have a name for) and men tend to do more reckless and dangerous things in reaction to and/or as an attempt deal with it. Also, the drugs and alcohol are said mens medicine as still many men are adamantly against touching meds never mind the lapse of logic as they are already taking meds in the form of drugs and alcohol. Again, men tend not to take meds until it gets to a point that they have no, or see no, other option (I fit there). And yes, what you said is a factor as well.

Those things which are our strengths are sometimes the very same things which destroy us.

DoobieDoom wrote:So Females with BPD are more open/accepted in and out of BPD

It's that women having an emotional issue and/or issues, even a mental illness, or anything that's viewed by society as a 'weakness' is seen as relatively ok. That isn't the case with men and it never has been. And anyway, being 'emotional' and having a mental illness are two separate things. If and when I am ever the former it is overwhelmingly due to the latter; for the large part, anyway.

DoobieDoom wrote:Males on the other hand are rarely diagnosed with BPD because it is an elegid female disorder. I had to explain over and over to psychologist why I have BPD.

I actually believe most are aware males and females alike have BPD but still this thing exists in many doctors minds that causes a "male+bpd does not compute" reaction regardless of them being wiser. Doctors who think that only, or mostly females have it are either sexist, not keeping up on research, or simply absolute idiots.

DoobieDoom wrote:Males with BPD are probably dead or in jail.
Females are in the mental system.

That's the other part of it. Nicely put.

DoobieDoom wrote:I think male BPD is different from female though, we still need love but I loved protecting my girl... my favorite thing to do was to hold her and make her feel safe
dating a male BPD is nasty in that sense, going from the protected princess to the hated whore back and forth.

Although there are certain generalities firmly in place, BPD is a bit different for everyone. And yes, BPD manifests itself differently in males than it does in females to varying degrees which I might add is an excellent example and illustration of why BPD itself isn't feminine or masculine. The idea of any of the PD's or mental illnesses being categorized as being either more feminine or more masculine is sexist period. Like, saying AsPD and NPD are unfeminine and masculine is sexist as well. Sexism cuts both ways. Sexism hurts the sexist just as badly but they're blind to it.

DoobieDoom wrote:in conclusion im sure bpd is more common in females as they are more dependent and sensitive, sexual assault and such is also much more common among females...

BPD has nothing to do with being dependent and sensitive... and that's not even going into how incorrect that statement is. It also has nothing to do with sexual abuse or any other form of abuse. I say that as people who never experienced abuse end up with it. It may kick it off or exacerbate it --for life-- but BPD is beginning to become accepted as being a genetic condition no less so than, say, Bipolar etc.. Also, while it may indeed be more common in females you'll soon find that the ratio is a lot closer than you currently believe.

Peace

One thing that interests me is that women tend to get dx BPD whereas more men get dx Asperger's...which makes me wonder at the genetics of it.

If the traits for BPD are mostly carried on the X chromosome, then women get a double dose (XX) which manifests as BPD. Whereas men would get one dose (XY) which could either be a variant of BPD or Asperger's...but that's just my own personal theory. I am NOT a geneticist, just a curious scientist.

Men have BPD too....but as the guys have said, it may be underdiagnosed because men don't believe they should talk about their emotions (or have it drilled into them from birth!) It's not just BPD that's "sexist" though - lots of illnesses affect 1 gender more than the other.

Also because a man who overreacts in a violent way is seen as abusive while a woman is more likely to be seen as only disturbed. Some of my worst raging antics (which I am doing much better in controlling lately, excluding the swearing-) such as throwing things at walls (once including a glass bowl,) swearing, and kicking things may be seen as only dramatic and a little ###$ up coming from an 110 pound girl, but from a 200 pound man- they definitely would seem abusive and far more threatening. Just a thought.

funny how the world works.

isoko49 wrote:One thing that interests me is that women tend to get dx BPD whereas more men get dx Asperger's...which makes me wonder at the genetics of it.

Haha, yeah. My GP once admitted to me that Asperger's has enter his mind on occasion. Mind, I'd never told him about BPD as he liked me so much and I like him so I worried it would change his opinion of me and jeopardize or doctor-patient relationship which is a good once. You know, one of those one in million doctors we get once or twice in our lives--maybe. Anyway, I almost had to stop myself from laughing. Not laughing at Asperger's, but the very idea of I myself perhaps having it.

Anyway, already knowing the answer, I asked "Well, wouldn't you have had to be born with it?" He said yes, of course. I explained how expressive I was prior to 16ish, how outspoken I was, my fairly notable social network of friends... including core, real friends. They were "cool", even. I was "cool", but part of a hating the mainstream and thinking most at school were tools type of crowd. Anti-jock, anti-school proms. In fact, thinking of it now makes me sneer a bit. Anyway, you get the idea. Anyway, I then finished with telling him if he saw an old VHS tape of me he'd have a hard time recognizing me. He then basically apologized to some effect, and said no it isn't possible that you have that.

It also demonstrated how good I am at concealing the truth and throwing smoke screens. My will there is innocent I feel--I just don't want people to think I'm 'bad' when I am not, really. I want people to get to know me--not the BPD, and I most certainly don't want them going out researching $#%^ and always second guessing "Is he lying to me here, is he manipulating me?" I do NOT go around doing it 24/7; and towards those I value greatly, or those who are important to me, I make a huge effort in forcing myself not to do it to them. Also, if I don't identify someone as a threat or having any barring over my life, I don't manipulate as why would I? I don't need to, serves no purpose.

To get to the point: It isn't fair to me if people are thinking it's some foregone conclusion.

For one thing that strips me of my ability to be given a chance. Why even try if in said people's mind it's a given that I'll do those things?

I then eventually admitted that when I'm not expressive, difficult to read etc it's actually a poker face. I have a 24/7 poker face. It's deliberate. You know how gamblers have to practice it and fine hone it and make certain it never cracks even for a split second as that's what any good player waits and watches for. Well, that's what I did. I'd perfected it over the years. He looked flabbergasted. He had no idea. In 6 years, he'd no idea it was a poker face. Unbelievable! (although not really)

He then admitted that on my previous visit to him I seemed more 'on' and expressive, and even more so the most recent. (also what he was hinting at is I'd become rather forthright as well) I explained that I'd deliberately begun toning it down as I was getting stronger emotionally underneath and didn't need it so much anymore.

Ideally I want to be able to take it off and put it on at will ... or just put it half on. I'd never do away with it, it is a good skill to have and also I worked so hard perfecting it and using it that it has become a part of what makes me, me. It's a defining trait, amongst the things people note about me--not in a good or bad way. It's one of my 'things'.

isoko49 wrote:If the traits for BPD are mostly carried on the X chromosome, then women get a double dose (XX) which manifests as BPD. Whereas men would get one dose (XY) which could either be a variant of BPD or Asperger's...but that's just my own personal theory. I am NOT a geneticist, just a curious scientist.

I found this interesting, and I do I believe you're onto something and have a very working theory here. If we were to make this basic, we might be able to say that the ratio of male and female borderlines is around 75% female, 25% male (give or take). I think that sounds a bit right!

My mom is severely borderline, her mother is not though nor the rest of her siblings although one is Bipolar (nicest, sweetest guy ever... I love both my uncles). Her dad from the sounds of him had BPD along with other things; perhaps Bipolar, maybe AsPD a well. These things weren't known much about in his time and also men in his time definitely would have asserted firmly and argued quite vocally that nothing wrong wrong with them.

I never knew him, as I've said on here he drank himself to death at an early age--liver failure. (sorry isoko) I divulge that as my mom always refereed to him as a "psychotic alcoholic", dx's were primitive as well as a bad thing to get then. Anyway, but it's pretty obvious he was using the drink to try to medicate himself (there weren't much that would have helped him then anyway). He was all around a bit crazy from what I gather, but he'd get drunk and chase her whole family around with loaded shotguns and butcher knives.

I get the sense he was a hard, rough man. Perhaps a bit excessively so. Sometimes though I'd like to travel back in time; I imagine meeting him, getting to know him .. seeing if I recognize any of myself in him. But perhaps even more so; seeing if there was more to him. If he was a fairly good and decent, but very disturbed man.

isoko49 wrote:Men have BPD too....but as the guys have said, it may be underdiagnosed because men don't believe they should talk about their emotions (or have it drilled into them from birth!) It's not just BPD that's "sexist" though - lots of illnesses affect 1 gender more than the other.

The funny thing is though, I've seen several girls and young women with NPD and also with AsPD, the latter being one of the rarest in women (like 1-3%) who were proud of it. They were proud as they had a mental disorder that mostly men had and felt special and bada** about it. You certainly wont find men being proud of having mental disorders more common in women; the best you'll see is said men realizing that this fact is irrelevant information in regards to them and serves no use or purpose to focus on therefore dismissed as trivial in relation to them themselves.

Peace

Good posts, Apocallcaps, think you put it better than i could there.