best friend of 5 years has completely abandoned me

Of all the times I've been abandoned this one hurts the worst and I didn't even see it coming.

His life seems to be so much better without me. It's always that way. Everyone's lives are always better after I'm gone.

I need someone to tell me how to get through this.

Sometimes all I can think of are trite sayings....but they come to mind because they're true. If he's decided he doesn't want to be friends, then he's not a good enough friend for you to have in the first place.

abandonment is horrendous and overwhelming but you CAN get through it and I bet that in another 5 years you will barely remember his name. OK....maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but there are people I was really close friends with 4 years ago and I don't even have them on Facebook now. Situations change and what feels bad today will feel less bad with every passing day, unless you fall into the trap of "feeding the beast". you know, you think "oh I must tell so-and-so that....except they want nothing to do with me, i must be a horrible person, this always happens to me, I'm useless, I'm a failure, maybe I should kill myself." that's unhelpful behaviour (obviously), but it's learning to recognise that's what you're doing and stop it before it reaches the end point.

Whenever you find yourself thinking "so-and-so doesn't want to be friends anymore", think of 3 things you've never liked about them (annoying habits like interrupting you on the phone, picking their teeth, talking with their mouth full). Think of anytime where you wanted to get hold of them and they brushed you off. In other words, de-idolise them. they weren't the bestest bestest friend in the whole wide world ever in all history....were they?

Then, have some kind of coping thought - it's always hard to come up with thoughts for other people, but something like "they don't want to be friends and that's their decision. I'm still a good person and it's their loss" or "I still have x, y and z who are my friends" (trickier when you maybe have just 1 or 2 close friends like I do/did). or "this feels horrible right now, but the feeling will pass. this is an emotional exaggeration because of my BPD; I will feel better when there is some distance" Anything that you can repeat to yourself to take the edge off the feeling. Then go and do something nice for yourself.

I hope that helps even a little bit. x

Yeah thank you, there's some good ideas there

It's tough, but this is happening for a reason.

1. Why does everyone leave you (probably an action or set of actions on your part?)
2. Why do you do these things that cause everyone to leave you (probably feelings, lack of feelings or combination there of?)



Those are two very hard questions, particularly the 2nd one. I don't want to say the answers will set you free. In my experience they don't, but the answers will get you more in touch with how you feel.

Feelings beget actions
Actions beget results
Feelings = results

And with that, you can see the importance of being in tune with your feelings. Your results depend on it. I think you could substitute feelings with subconscious, but I'm just guessing on that. I'm no psychologist.

For me, I would love to be Mr. everybody's friend, but that's not me. I've given up on it. Now there is far less failure or stress. I've changed my results.

Sadly there is some emptiness, but that is there regardless. Accepting pain graciously; unfortunately, seems to be a part of this borderline deal. I haven't found a way around that part just yet.

I'm trying to talk to him over MSN and he is just ignoring me completely.
He is the one person who has been there for me constantly from the beginning. I've devalued him and ignored him, for months at a time sometimes, but he's always been there.
Now he's not even acknowledging that I'm speaking to him.
He's making me wanna kill myself.
Do I deserve this after what I've done to him?

I had my best friend leave me.
She was banned from seeing me because he boyfriend is convinced I'll steal her away.
She's not even gay...
Lol...

Haven't seen her since...
I don't know...
I used to stalk her at her work... just watch her for a while.
Then I had to stop.
I still go into her work, since she works so close to my house, in a grocery store, but I purposely ignore her...
I can't stand what she's done...
I loved her.

The pain dulls, but I can't say it's gone away.
Sooner or later you learn to live it, and you forget most of the time.
I guess it's different for me... I was so in love with her... Lol...
But... I could never have her, so she was just my best friend.
Still... She was my best friend for, many years... and she dropped me like a hot pan.

Yeah sounds a lot like your situation, only I've got no idea why. Although I bet that probably wouldn't make it any easier :/.

Sorry to hear you're going through the same.

Like I said, it gets easier... even if you don't forget, you learn to live.
I have new best friends but they don't replace the hole in my heart she left.

You move one and look forward.

::hugs::