When Rationalization Doesn't Work

What happens when rationalization doesn't work? Or isn't enough to stop a powerful emotion?

Something really, rather, insignificant happened the other day. My therapist called me & asked me not to email him anymore. Apparently because it was his private email, (he doesn't have a professional one) & he said there is a risk of his family reading them & its a confidentiality issue.

Rationally, I understand his reasoning. But I can't stop this overwhelming feeling that he just doesn't want me to email him anymore. That he's sick of all the "little" emails I send out.

Rationalization is my most used coping mechanism for intense emotions/thoughts. But this time, it just ain't helpin'.

I don't think you're being irrational at all. The question that comes to my mind is.. Why was it okay with him until now? I read most of your posts on the BPD forum and I know you've been emailing him for at least a few months. I wonder why he NOW decided that it wasn't okay. I can't be sure of course..he does have a point I assume.. I don't take things like that very well and I'd think I was being rejected. As long as he still keeps his session and doesn't cancel on you like my crazy therapist did.. I think everything will be okay.

I feel you on this one. I've pretty much always been able to use the rational side of my brain to get me out of a funk, or calm me down, or whatever. It seems to be getting harder by the day; to the point of just not working, period. So I'm kinda on my last string here.....most of my uncontrollable emotions are directed toward my fiance. Yesterday when he didn't answer my texts/phone calls after several hours, I convinced myself that he had either gotten arrested and was sitting in jail, or that something happened and he was dead. I believed this with all my heart. When he finally got back to me, he was aggravated b/c he'd been working which is why he didn't answer me back. Automatically I just KNEW that I'd pushed him too far and he was leaving me. I mean, a person can only handle being with me for so long, right? Anyway. It took a lot of crying and arguing and things on my part before I shut up long enough to listen to him assure me that everything is fine and that he's not leaving me, and that he's still happy with me. Honestly?? I've been been stressing it since; but I've also decided that regardless of what happens, I need to make sure I make the most out of my time with him, and enjoy it. I dunno. Guess I'm not much help =/ I hope things get better for you.

Lilycat: I know, right? I've been emailing him for almost a year now. But just now he decides its inappropriate for whatever reason? I just feel... shunned. Rejected. & Honestly, humiliated. How long have I been emailing him when he didn't want me to?

Maddogmaddy: I freak out like that all the time. Just jumping to the worst conclusions. I do it often with my therapist, who at the moment, is my only relationship. Rationalization doesn't always work no matter how hard we try.

I'm having my next session with him tomorrow. I have this feeling I'm gonna be really pissy with him.

Be pissy with him. lol tell him exactly how you really feel about it. communicate your reaction however you can.

my therapist has triggered me twice now. feels bad... but something is going to trigger you anyway. you know he's supposed to be helping you, so why do you feel so attacked/wronged/abandoned? its confusing. if there's one thing im learning, its that you dont have to try to rationalise with therapy. you dont have to try to act normal or iron out your crazy-feeling reactions to what your therapist does. just communicate what its done to you even if it comes out really pissed off lol and take it from there.

the rest of the time when rationalisation doesn't work, i think the best thing you can do is feel it, accept its horrible, know it will go away, ride it out and while you're doing that, try to distract yourself as best as you can.

hope you're feeling better about it soon.

"Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they're not after you."

Hey, here's some smiley people:

Just because they are cute. They'd email you back.

Now on to your post.........


1. So what? Maybe he is sick of all your emails. He has a right to be.

Maybe he was doing you a favour, trying to be Mr.Nice Therapist........and now he just can't take it anymore.

That's ok. He doesn't need to worship you. You don't need his approval.

YOU WANT IT!!!!!!!!!! BADLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but you don't need it.


The overwhelimg feeling...........isn't that he doesn't want you to email him anymore.

The overwhelming feeling.........is that you are worthless. That's how this makes you feel. And that terrifies you and you feel rage to mask it.


Right now, you are in uncertainty mode. "what if" "what if"


Embrace it. HE DOESN'T WANT TO READ YOUR EMAILS. YOU SEND TOO MANY, YOU ASK TOO MUCH OF HIM.

So what?

WHO THE HELL IS HE? WHY THE HELL DOES HE MATTER SO MUCH?

BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU DON'T.

SO IF HE CARES ABOUT YOU, YOU DON'T HAVE TO CARE ABOUT YOURSELF!



You are using him, to feel the void inside you.

You feel him, slipping away........and the void seems to be bigger. The void is good. The things you fill the void with, they are good too.

But when they stop working.......don't fight to make them work again. Move on. If they start working again, good. If not......find new good things.

See this for what it is.

Everything TwistedMister said. I wanted to say almost all of that but couldn't bring myself to it in-light of various things. I would have been annoyed too if I were him, anyone would get annoyed by that. I've had people do that to me and I stopped responding to them without even saying anything.

This Is interesting to me was just about to post about this issue,
I had something happened today that really set me off, My ex bf and my friend( Mel) were friends my ex introduced me to mel when we were dating, when i broke up with my ex I remained friends with mel, told her I had no problem with her being friends with him I mean its her choice and I dont want to be that person I think its wrong, everything was fine until he did something that really upset her (Had nothing what so ever to do with me) so she didnt bother talking to him anymore, she told me today that he sent her a ton of abusive texts on saturday night about how she had chosen his B*tch ex (Me) over him and on and on and on and on until her bf took her phone and txt him telling him to back off, I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD!! I feel like its all my fault, Im really anger at him for doing that to her, But I know its not my fault but I just cant help feeling like it is, has completely thrown me into a spin of moods (all of the not good ones) UGH!! why do I do this to myself!!

You do this,

because you think everything is about you. (you feel that way)


You feel that way, because you're trying to be in control. You secretly worry you are.......as you down to your core, think that everything has to do with you.


It's called having BPD. We think the world revolves around us.

The thought is so deep inside us, we can't really even see it most of the time.


That's why...........you want to control everything around you. Your BRAIN wants this to be about you. So it can do something about it.

Your BRAIN, doesn't really care that it can't..........that part doesn't compute.


So your brain, FEELS this is somehow your fault. And somehow, says something IMPORTANT about you.