This is my reason.

For a very long time I've been convinced I'm borderline.

I started reading everything thing I could about it. I was incredibly disappointed with the literature out there for it. I Hate You, Don't Leave Me portrays borderlines in such a negative light. So does Sometimes I Act Crazy. Even the titles of the books are condescending.

It seems like borderlines are looked at as difficult and a lost cause. I can't stand this.

So, I'm in the process of pursuing my dream of getting a Ph.D. in Psychology so I can do more research about the disorder and help to change the stereotypes of people with BPD.

Not all people with the disorder are "extremely volatile, infantile and unstable". Some of us are just people who struggle with things, get hurt easily and just want to be happy.

Good luck to you on that front. I already know that not all BPDs are as they are portrayed or stereotyped, just as people who are in 'mental' hospitals aren't like their stereotypes either. What stage of the education system are you currently in?

Kevin

Thanks You!

Yes, the literature can make it sound like we're all quite horrible to be around all the time. Good for you for pursuing your dream. I hope you get to do some really good research on BPD. I'd like to do that as well.

I don't mind that the literature makes us sound horrible.

I think most of us are.



Perhaps, people with borderline traits........are as you described.

But most of the people with BPD i've encountered, are walking nightmares for anyone who gets close enough. And nearly all of them, including myself........sees/saw themselves as the victim.




I think the books, probably have it right. Are they too dramatic? Well they're books........people are meant to buy them. They're entertainment products...........they aren't psychology studies.
I've never really been enraged by the way an episode of Seinfeld portrayed anything........i imagine, having that sort of rage/anger towards a book........written by a ph.d or not.......makes about as much sense.


It's like italians on t.v..........of course they aren't all in the mafia. Or asians in movies.......of course not all asians know kung-fu or are good at math. (ok maybe they're all good at math)


Stereotyping is easy........that's why it's done so often.

Taking offense to it, is almost as stupid as doing it in the first place.



Your dream is admirable.........but it does have a BPD quality to it.

Twistedmister wrote:I don't mind that the literature makes us sound horrible.

I think most of us are.

Whether that's true or not; I get a sense with you that it is less that you are, and more that you want to be. Or at the very least it's how you personally want to view yourself. Grouping others with BPD in with yourself helps validate your own feelings about yourself. Feelings that you may --or may not-- actually want to feel.

What do you think?

What you say just comes of a bit like projection and subjection.

I also strongly object to how some people with BPD are portrayed in the literature. I'm not manipulative and I treat everybody the way I would want to be treated myself. Sometimes I can be difficult, but now I have a diagnosis and I understand WHY I'm acting the way I am, things are so much easier for everyone involved. When I read books (generally those written for Nons), I throw them down after the first couple of paragraphs were they're going "poor you having to live your life walking on eggshells, being abused by your partner/family member and never getting any love from them"....grrrr! Yes, I find it hard to express love towards my family, because they sure as heck didn't express it my way when I was growing up! But I am a completely honest land faithful friend and lover - even though my husband left me beccause of my frequent suicide attempts, I have never stopped loving him and caring for him. My suicide attempts were not a rejection of him, they were a rejection of myself. I understand that now, I didn't at the time. And I explain things carefully to people now so they understand why I might act in slightly strange ways.

wooooh......rant over. Good on you for wanting to use what you know to help others. that's what I want to do eventually. I want to study mental health and counselling and then work with groups of people in therapy. People tell me to go and be a teacher but I couldn't cope with unpredictable kids shouting "Miss you're cr&p". But I can help people going through the struggles I've been through.

Good choice to the OP! I commend you for dedicating your life and career to bettering things for people with BPD!

To the book issues, I've read the first, and am making my way currently through the latter. I do admit that they are a bit harsh for the readers that DO have Borderline, but honestly I found a lot of statements a bit straight on, despite being harsh. I'm more of a fan of I Hate You, Don't Leave Me, then I Act Crazy, so far. The latter has too many ridiculous stories... Plus, not all Borderlines act like that. My main problems are not unstable relationships and making people hate me. It's more about the internal problems with myself.

The one thing I do hate is the book for Nons. That Walking On Eggshells one. I haven't read it. I honestly am scared to touch it. I don't agree with making a book for them. Makes it seem like THEY are the victims and not the people that are suffering with the disorder. I know, I know, all the Nons and maybe some Borderlines here are gonna attack me for saying that, but its my honest opinion.

Twistedmister wrote:I don't mind that the literature makes us sound horrible.

I think most of us are.

Perhaps, people with borderline traits........are as you described.

But most of the people with BPD i've encountered, are walking nightmares for anyone who gets close enough. And nearly all of them, including myself........sees/saw themselves as the victim.

True. I think there are a lot of people here, myself included in many ways who still sit around and minimize our effect on people. We didn't wake up wanting to be this way, but WE ARE.

Twistedmister wrote:
I think the books, probably have it right. Are they too dramatic? Well they're books........people are meant to buy them. They're entertainment products...........they aren't psychology studies.
I've never really been enraged by the way an episode of Seinfeld portrayed anything........i imagine, having that sort of rage/anger towards a book........written by a ph.d or not.......makes about as much sense.

It's like italians on t.v..........of course they aren't all in the mafia. Or asians in movies.......of course not all asians know kung-fu or are good at math. (ok maybe they're all good at math)

Stereotyping is easy........that's why it's done so often.

Taking offense to it, is almost as stupid as doing it in the first place.

Your dream is admirable.........but it does have a BPD quality to it.

I disagree here. Doctors, have more of an obligation to serve the public as part of their professional obligation than comedians do in their attempt to be funny.


Borderlines have a lot to learn about personal responsibility, especially early in the journey. Non-borderlines have to protect themselves and their boundaries. How far to go with everything, how much you can trust the "borderlines are hopeless, and will always be hurtful to you" stigma, I don't know. As a borderline, I'd like to think I can find a peaceful way to live that benefits me and the greater public both. I want to give my wife and kids the love and support they deserve. I've fallen short. I'm not falling as short now as before in my opinion, but I'm still falling short of what they deserve.

Any boderline not actively seeking and committing themself to treatment, sure, cut them out and get rid of them if its nasty. That would go for anyone. As a person who's working very hard, I take offense to the things that are written. They represent me very well untreated, but I don't think they're very good at all at describing the dedicated, motivated borderline who wants to keep making progress. I'd say now I'm not perfect, I have major weaknesses, but I'm aware and considerate of the thoughts and feelings of the people around me. Sometimes I lapse, but I'm much, much, much better.

MMonroe wrote:The one thing I do hate is the book for Nons. That Walking On Eggshells one. I haven't read it. I honestly am scared to touch it. I don't agree with making a book for them. Makes it seem like THEY are the victims and not the people that are suffering with the disorder. I know, I know, all the Nons and maybe some Borderlines here are gonna attack me for saying that, but its my honest opinion.

I have not read the book myself, however, as I understand it, it is a method for communicating with those with BPD without setting off triggers and at the same time, to set up boundaries. It is a way for dealing with the behaviors that are a result of borderline personality disorder.

Those in relationships with someone with borderline personality disorder are not "victims" per se. I know in my own case, I was simply naive. I had no idea that someone could be like this and I let my boundaries be stretched and eventually broken. In the end, I was the victim of her behaviors and still deal with some of the psychological damage from this experience (though I'd say I've found a place of relative solice). I have learned that I need stronger boundaries and giving everything away, while romantic, can be very, very dangerous to my own well-being. The problem is that in a "normal" relationship, there are arguments and things go back to normal or there some sort of compromise. This doesn't always happen in a relationship with a borderline, so the person is a bit bewildered.

To set it outside of my own example in more generic terms, the beginning of a relationship with someone with borderline personality is terribly infatuating. The moment the person with BPD displays a behavior such as raging, emotional abuse or even so far as physical violence, at that moment, the person without the disorder truly is the victim of those behaviors. For all intents and purposes it was a sucker punch. Due to the inital stage of the relationship, it was never seen coming. There was not necesarily a buildup to it that is recognized by the SO and due to the emotional dysregulation, it can come out over something that to most would seem insignificant.

Once that threshold of abuse is crossed, and the SO stays with the abusive partner, they cease becoming a victim and become an enabler.


Oh dear, I'm afraid I've gotten off topic.