i miss my old CPN so much

Hi

I am going through a really really terrible time at moment, stuff to personal to go into, and I got a new CPN recently. I got on so well with my old one that we both admitted that if we had met in different circumstances we would be good friends.
She has said if/when i am discharged then things can be different, or if she leaves her job.

It is killing me though, she was the only one I opened up to, and we definately had a connection. I have already seen my new CPN for some weeks now and dont feel anything for her and know I never will.

This is an intolerable heartache for me. How do I overcome this.

can anyone offer any advice to this heartache

I feel stupid for asking, but what does CPN stand for?

I'm going to assume that you're in the mental health ward at the hospital, and the CPN is a nurse/therapist/psychiatrist? If this is correct then her position on being friends is the correct one.

It sounds like this relationship is just like any other close relationship and when their gone it's natural to miss them. Unfortunately, there is no easy solution to this other than giving it time.

You may want to consider discussing it with you're new CPN maybe he/she will be more understanding than you think. Other than discussing it on the forum, talking to new CPN or friend, or giving it time I can't think of any easy or quick way to get over this.

I wish I could be more helpful..

Perhaps you could just wait until you're out of the ward?

But, alas, I have no idea what a bloody CPN is.

Lol, CPN is community psychiatric nurse. I have been out of hosp for a while now and she has been my only weekly, sometimes twice weekly, visitor. She would often stay longer that the alloted hour, and it just really gets to me that were she not my nurse, we would be good friends.

I dont have the same spark with my new CPN, who is quite unemotive (i guess thats what they should be to borderlines)

I am going through what I can only describe as a bereavement. I think it would be easier to bear had she said no I am just your nurse, and not said in different circumstances we would be friends, as it leaves me asking what if and if only about a 1000 million times a day.

I am going through what I can only describe as a bereavement. I think it would be easier to bear had she said no I am just your nurse, and not said in different circumstances we would be friends, as it leaves me asking what if and if only about a 1000 million times a day.

I would agree that you're going through sort of a bereavement. It's pretty clear from what you wrote that there was a close connection between the two of you. In some ways I think she crossed a boundary which would confirm that she genuinely did like you, and could've been friends with you under different circumstances. The only way I would see that possibly happening is if she quit her job.

I'm sure this hurts like hell, but unfortunately there is no quick solution other than time..

I am going to kill this computer tonight.....second time I've typed up a long reply and then had it disappear into the ether....

I'm go to have to be briefer than I would like. I have a similar situation as I was "friends" with a member of the OT staff while in hospital for over 2 years. We said we would stay "friends" after my discharge but I've not seen her since Christmas when she dropped round with a present. I think she would like to keep in touch, but isn't sure about where the boundaries are. I don't think her boss approves. We got on really well because I could open up to her, because she wasn't afraid to tell me her problems either. Much easier to get on with people when they're open with you too.

I know my "friend" was trying to be a real friend, and we would get on fine outside of the services, but the fact remains that I am a service user and she is a service provider, even though she doesn't work with me anymore.

I have problems setting social boundaries, and I think it's common with BPD from what my psychologist has said. She is very aware of not crossing any boundaries and always thinks very hard about whether to say something more "personal" than "professional". I would like to be friends with her, after therapy finishes in probably another 2 years, but I know it wouldn't work. She knows everything about me and I don't know the same about her. It would be very one-sided and awkward, for both of us. We'd only be friends because she once "cared" for me. And I mean "cared" in a professional sense, not a personal one. With CPNs/OTs/therapists, I think we can easily confuse them for being "friends". the definition of a friend is someone who understands us, supports us, helps us when things are difficult, makes us feel good about ourselves and accepts us for who we are, warts and all. Unfortunately, for them it's also their job description.

So, however much your CPN would like to be "friends" with you, I just don't think it's possible. They may genuinely be a friend, and they will care for us on a personal level, but there will always be that professional level to it as well. I think I would feel uncomfortable after a while, because I would be wondering if they were assessing me. If I told them about self-harming or feeling blue about something, would they feel professionally responsible and put on their services hat? It's complicated...

oh wow, isoko, that is really interesting, if possible, could I PM you as I would really like to talk to someone who has shared the same experience, although I knew my CPN for a much shorter time that yours.

The last time I spoke to her (last week) she said that when I am discharged then things will be different. Like you though I wonder just how awkard it would be as I may get confused as to how our friendship should be (i.e talking to her all the time about my huge and horribly overwhelming problems)

I did find it interesting that she said "when I am discharged" and not if she leaves her job, as that seems more positive. A part of me wishes she had never said it though..

such a relief to hear other with the same experience, has anyone else has this problem??

Feel free to PM if you need to. It's always good to talk with someone who's had the same experience. That goes for anyone - I'm happy to accept PMs if ywou think I can help you better that way.