The Tao of borderline

I'm probably going to insult Taoism here, basically Taoism says, "stay in tune with the natural way of the world. It included health and happiness. Do what you're designed to do rather than forcing the unnatural."


For a warm, caring, nurturing person, it might go against her grain, it might effect her happiness in a bad way, if she did what her parents wanted and became a lawyer like her dad. Maybe she's never happy with her job and always wishes she would have done what her heart longed for, to be a wife and mom first.

There are things we naturally enjoy and while everyone is different, we're probably more similar than most.



As a person with BPD and a person who's read a decent amount about BPD, I think the core of borderline personality disorder is a couple core things.

1. We do not truly enjoy social interaction. While we do love and have warm feelings toward people, we do not get the positive reward from being social that other people get. We don't communicate warmly or in a way people enjoy being around. I believe this because I'm living it and also because tests on the brains of people with borderline personality disorder show we have low levels of Serotonin (associated with aloof or asocial temperament)

2. We have a constant dread/empty/abandonment feeling. I don't believe it's really abandonment. I believe (and tests show) it's because we have low levels of grey matter, shown to cause (fear, anxiety, dread, etc). So we have these feelings to begin with. Anything sets them off, particularly being left out or feeling abandoned. So we're drawn to not feel left out or abandoned. We pull closer to people, not because we really want a conversation, not because we're interested. We draw closer because if we don't, we'll feel even more rejected. The problem is, we get in this social situation and we don't want to be there. We're rude, and not good company at all. They push away. We freak out and the cycle goes round and round.


The pull/push thing doesn't work. I don't think excessive socializing really works. I think first finding a way to cope with the abandonment/empty/dread feeling without associating it with social interaction is important. If you think you're going to go get your cup filled by a man or woman, I think you (and me) will probably fail miserably.

So what makes us happy? Well, we're high on novelty seeking (impulse). We like to learn and try new things. I think trying new things is part of our Tao. It works for us, and works in the world.

Doing things alone/independently work well with us (if w can not associate the bad feeling we have with being alone). It's weird, but some of the most enjoyable things I do are researching various topics. I can research TV's or Sports items for hours and I really enjoy it. Then I see people together, I feel the dread and I go do somthing I'm really not interested in and I get more miserable when it fails. But the point is, I enjoy doing things alone. . . . alot. I think this kind of thing is part of my Tao. It works for me, works for the world, doesn't spiral into bad things.

I love people, love my wife and kids. I have a very hard time with social energy, but I believe that love is strong enough for me to be able to pull together each day to be responsible, kind and outwardly loving (inwardly isn't good enough). I'm willing to give extra energy to this. Whether it's in balance with my temperament or not, I plan on being a husband and parent. Because it takes so much energy for me, I think I would fail as a husband and dad if I tried to be social at work, outside of work and then at home too. I'm going to save my energy for my family.


So thats it. With what we are, there are things that flow better than others. I'll call it the Tao of BPD.