Father with Borderline Personality Disorder

Hello all,
I have a lot on my mind, and I'm new at this, so please forgive my poor organizational skills.

My dad has Borderline Personality disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and a handful of others as well (Narcissistic? Histrionic? etc...) and he has really just pushed himself to a point where nobody can help him. He keeps getting kicked out of homeless shelters and signed himself out of treatment programs. I am his oldest and only daughter. I'm 21 and trying to graduate from college in May, and I just feel so lost. I want to be a good daughter and a good person. I have had a traumatic and scarring childhood like many I have found on this website, but this situation right now has truly pushed me to the brink of sanity. I feel myself slowly being swallowed up by my dad's illness. And, much to my horror, I am beginning to question my own fragile sanity. I just feel alienated from my feelings so much so that I cannot even figure out if I am crazy or not. Am I just good at disguising it? My aunt recommended that I try to find a forum for this, so here I am. Have any of you had a dad with BPD? or are you a parent with BPD that loves or relies heavily on their daughter? Is my experience normal to any of you?

I don't know what mental problems my dad had. He died when i was 7.

I do know, that he tried to kill himself when he was younger. And also, he married my mother. So he must of been insane.

There is quite a lot of talk........that he might of been bi-polar. Amongst my sisters that are 9-13 years older than i. Of course, they wouldn't know what BPD is.......so who knows.

I think my mother is OcPD.



I would say.........your experience seems normal to me. You're 21 and graduating from college. There's an inherent promise to that......a beginning and also an uncertainty............on the other side, your dad's life is falling apart. And in some ways, atleast in your mind, is ending perhaps. Atleast ending up, somewhere i'm sure you never expected.

It makes sense.........that this would of course trouble you. And also it makes sense, that you would question your own sanity. That's a sane reaction.


As for being a good daughter.......have you been one? Are you trying to be?

Are your expectations of what a good daughter is, realistic?

It seems like your dad is trying very hard not to get help. What help has he asked you for?


I don't think, no matter how amazing a daughter you are..........that you would be able to help him......if his mental illness has caused him to be homeless and to still refuse to stay in treatment programs.

My dad also has BPD and you have described exactly how I feel. I am also questioning my own sanity. I spend almost all of my time with my dad. I haven't even started college yet entirely due to his influence. I am planning on starting this August but I'm afraid that our relationship will interfere with my schoolwork just as it has interfered with everything else. I recently went to Alabama to stay with my sister's family but eventually came back to help my dad with a project he started. But now that I'm back he won't let me leave his side. He wants me with him all the time. He gets very mad or very depressed if I leave for any reason. I have no friends to speak of and hardly any interaction with the rest of the world. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Your experience sounds completely normal to me.

You're insane!! kidding.. welcome to the forum...

In a situation like this there is only so much that you can do, and it doesn't sound as if your dad is really making much of an effort to do what is right. I'm assuming he has the capacity of knowing what is right/wrong, and knows what is going to get him kicked out of shelters. More than likely you questioning yourself and your sanity has to do with all the stress you're under.

I suspect my dad has some form of mental illness, but not really sure because we're not all that close. Some of his behavior is different than the norm.

I have bpd. I love my kids, and tell them that everyday. I hope and pray that they don't grow up to be like me.

I think you should try answering these questions that were asked above...

As for being a good daughter.......have you been one? Are you trying to be?

Are your expectations of what a good daughter is, realistic?

It seems like your dad is trying very hard not to get help. What help has he asked you for?

I think the answers to those questions will give you a lot of insight..

I know exactly how you feel. My Father's has BPD and I've lived my life on an emotional see saw between hating him and pitying/loving him. He's hooked onto downers and alcohol, battles with depression - all of this despite medication. And of course, it is always up to me to help him out of his messes - emotional or otherwise.

I'm tired of living on the edge of hope and tired of his continued slip ups. Sometimes I just feel tired having to deal with him.

What makes it worse is my mother has taken enough of his misbehaviour all along and even though they're separated, she still gets dragged into everything.

Good to find this forum.......................

be strong, you dont have to be a great daughter.

Hi, I think I am in a very similar situation to yours and after my last encounter with my father I feel I am being pushed to the brink of my sanity. I am certain my father has BPD although he has not been diagnosed or treated... I am 22 years old and feel now that I can't continue my relationship with him without seeking the help of a counsellor. I also help that talking to others who are facing the same problems as me may also help.
Maintaining a relationship with my father is a constant struggle. I am so angry about all the things he has said and done to me over the course of our relationship and also the past week I spent with him trying to 'vacation'. I feel like I hate my dad while at the same time love and pity him. I want to have a relationship with him because he is my one and only father, and I know he loves me. But he continues to hurt me immensely and I am certain he will NEVER apologize for any of it. He thinks he has done nothing wrong, and his only been the perfect father, but he was been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive to me, my mother and my brother. I don't know how to continue a relationship with him when I can not let go of my anger, and feeling deeply hurt by the man who is supposed to be my father.
I hope that made sense, and maybe you are able to relate to it. As far as questioning your own sanity, I have been there too, and often find I ask myself if I am crazy. However, I strongly feel that I am indeed sane, and that I am dealing with an immense about of stress and difficulties due to my dad's illness, but not my own.You sound very psychologically sound to me, but we are both dealing with an extremely difficult and trying situation. I hope that you read this, but I know you posted the original post over a year ago. I could really use someone I could relate to right now... there are not too many people out there who are dealing with an erratic and abusive father the way we are....
I hope that you read this and that you are doing okay. Please let me know

Thank you for making this thread. I doubt anyone will read this, but if you do, please respond.

I've been caught in a very similar situation. My dad has BPD, and probably more serious issues that haven't been diagnosed yet. I'm 21 and I support him financially, but nearly every day he throws tantrums and gets ultra aggressive. A slight issue quickly escalates to near-physical aggression. Everything I do is wrong, he is always right, and everything must be viewed in his perspective and take him into consideration (including decisions to go to school, and what jobs I take).

Just a couple days a go he goes off the handle much more than normal, saying he has no son and I have done nothing but hold him back. He has tried to apologize for some of the things, but isn't remorseful.

He hasn't worked in a decade. He claims to want to rebuild his life, but he wants me to sacrifice my life for him so that he can work off the back of my efforts.

I can go on and on, and I can very easily elaborate. I'm at wit's end.

Knoodle wrote:Hello all,
I have a lot on my mind, and I'm new at this, so please forgive my poor organizational skills.

My dad has Borderline Personality disorder, Bipolar Disorder, and a handful of others as well (Narcissistic? Histrionic? etc...) and he has really just pushed himself to a point where nobody can help him. He keeps getting kicked out of homeless shelters and signed himself out of treatment programs. I am his oldest and only daughter. I'm 21 and trying to graduate from college in May, and I just feel so lost. I want to be a good daughter and a good person. I have had a traumatic and scarring childhood like many I have found on this website, but this situation right now has truly pushed me to the brink of sanity. I feel myself slowly being swallowed up by my dad's illness. And, much to my horror, I am beginning to question my own fragile sanity. I just feel alienated from my feelings so much so that I cannot even figure out if I am crazy or not. Am I just good at disguising it? My aunt recommended that I try to find a forum for this, so here I am. Have any of you had a dad with BPD? or are you a parent with BPD that loves or relies heavily on their daughter? Is my experience normal to any of you?

Oh god, that is devastating. I am so sorry.

You need a therapist, ASAP. You DO NOT deserve this. It is so sad that your father is not well, but you are child. It is not your responsibility to be his parent. Good for you for going to school and taking control of your life. Focus on you. You cannot help him. My dad has NPD, my sister has BPD and is BP, and I have issues of my own. Everyone has problems, but their problems do not need to be YOUR problems. Focus on yourself, because it is impossible to help/fix these types of disorders. I used to try to help my sister, but I am pretty sure she will kill herself or get killed by one of the people paying her for sex. I put my energy into accepting that, and not into changing that. Because it's a draining and useless waste of energy.

When THEY want to change, and they come to you for HELP (not money/shelter) like REAL HELP (they want to go to therapy) then be there. But do not, by any means, feel like you are supposed to help them if they are not making an effort themselves.

Good luck, and a big hug to you! Take care and good luck with school!