Sexual Fantasies

I've gathered that sexual fantasies are often quite revealing about the psyche of a person. I thought i'd start a thread addressing my own sexual fantasies and hope that some of you share yours....or atleast your thoughts on mine.

I'm not sure if this is a typical or extra peculiar fantasitical mind set..... but the vast majority of my sexual fantasies do not centre around me being involved in any sexual act. Unless it's of the rare homosexual variety (i'm male)...... but less than 1 percent of my fantasies are homesexual, and usually i only rely on those if i'm feeling overly annoyed with women and don't want to think about my regular fantasies.

99% of my fantasies, probably since i first sort of stumbled on to the theme have for the last decade, essentially been the same.

I pick a girl, whatever girl i happen to be attracted to at that moment......and imagine some future where that girl is my wife. (or gf, but usually wife).
I then imagine my "wife" being seduced by another woman and me somehow being witness to it. (like i come home early from work and somehow remain un-detected etc.)

Now, in the fantasy, my "wife" is always seduced. She's never the seducer. The other woman is always attractive and in control.
And in the fantasy, the other woman is always better in bed than i am, my wife is always more attracted to her sexually than me, and by the end of the fantasy, my wife is always choosing the other woman over me. (like at the end, i'm discovered watching and my wife tells me she's now a lesbian, or i over hear my wife tell the girl that she plans on leaving me etc.)

I guess an important component of this fantasy, is the revelation that my wife doesn't want me anymore....in the fantasy, she has to realise that she wants something else more than me. It's also an important component, that previous to my wife being seduced.....she's not attracted to women. Like in the fantasy, my wife isn't bisexual or ever been with another woman before. In the fantasy, i'm aware of that fact and am always shocked that she's cheating on me with another woman....my being unsuspecting is part.
If i happen to be thinking about a woman i know infact to be bisexual or just a little freaky, she's rarely ever cast to play the role of "wife" and is rarely the main object of my desire in the fantasy.

And that's basically the only fantasy i have. It changes from time to time, but it's always the same theme and i'm never involved, i never join in, i'm merely a witness.

Quite interesting really. I wouldn't call it too extreme, but it is quite peculiar. Correct me if I'm wrong, but...I detect a certain amount of psychological masochism in this one, which I believe is a common aspect of BPD; a lot of BPDs, myself included, believe that they are something fundamentally bad, and however illogical that is, whenever they don't get reassurance of that belief, they become nervous, because it's their world-view, and human beings generally want to believe that their world model is correct. It's extremely hard to understand from a non-BPD point of view (why would anyone in their right mind want to reinforce a negative self-image?), but I know from personal experience how true it can be.(Masochism might not be an appropriate word, since BPDs don't actually enjoy this, I believe, it's just a side effect of them having a very different world model from "normal").

Also, there is something bitter sweet about desiring something and not being able to get it.

While we are at it, well, my own sexual fantasies. The first major element that comes to mind is tenderness. My fantasies invariably involve someone who represents an unachievable dream; someone whose presence is soothing, whom I can always count on, someone who is always there for me. If I fantasize about actual sex, (which is actually part of my night ritual for falling asleep) it's always about a very tender and emotionally deep encounter. One of the most important aspects is closeness, both emotional and physical.

I have this weird hugging fetish. It may sound childish, but I just can't fall asleep without hugging my blanket or some other soft fluffy object, like a large pillow. I just find it the most intimate form of physical contact.For me, embracing someone, holding them against you and feeling their warmth conveys an unmatched sense of security and love. So my night ritual usually goes likes this: I lie in my bed for about half an hour, my mind maniacally rambling about stuff (some of them related to my BPD issues, some not) and when I finally manage to calm myself (music usually helps, especially ambient stuff like Juno Reactor), I hold my blanket tight against me, close my eyes, and imagine I'm embracing my love interest. She's exactly the kind of person who represents my ideals. I imagine her voice whispering sweet things and her hands caressing me :3
So yeah...sexual fantasies definitely reflect your psyche

Well, this isn't so much a sexual fantasy but I literally just remembered that my first fantasies revolved around me wanting to fix a guy who didn't think he was good enough for me. It's funny since it's a reflection of my empathy in real life. I think it would have been eerily self-defeating at that age for me to fantasise that I was the one needing fixing. I guess, there's no need to fantasise about that since that has become my reality.
As for sexual fantasies, I just imagine a lot of mind games, fighting, sort of HPD like behaviour on my part. Being overpowered, being predatory. That sort of thing. There's usually a love triangle situation going on where i'm playing two men off against each other. haha! Hope that helps.

If I fantasize about actual sex, (which is actually part of my night ritual for falling asleep) it's always about a very tender and emotionally deep encounter. One of the most important aspects is closeness, both emotional and physical

That used to be my fantasy. lol

Before my fantasies were masochistic......that was my go to fantasy. It would always be about an extreme romanticism and affection. It was all about being perfectly secure.

I've got a thing with hugging too. At certain points in a relationship, it's almost unbearable to be in bed with someone without holding them. In those points, i'm almost (actually more) excited to just get sex over with, just so the hugging can begin! lol

There's usually a love triangle situation going on where i'm playing two men off against each other. .

I wish i could enjoy two women fighting over me.......but usually i can't, because i'm always too busy trying to figure out how to please the one i want most. (and not picking her, probably isn't pleasing). So it's like, just in my psyche to find that perfect person.
Though the few times in my life i did have girls fighting over me.....were flattering, i couldn't enjoy it.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but...I detect a certain amount of psychological masochism

Yeah, i'm very masochistic. Self-defeating disorder (though it's not recognized) is certainly probably my biggest obstacle. Sometimes i feel so (bad) but relaxed, after everything is just destroyed.
Some of the calmest moments i've ever had, is right after i messed up a relationship or a job or something .
Like, i go to bed feeling free. (like yay, that thing that was important to me, is gone) It's almost exciting. Like ha, "i can't be hurt by losing that now" (which obviously makes no sense, since i just threw it away)

hmmm...

My current one involves me being taken care of/ babied (but also abused) by someone who loves me deeply but therefore can also feel intense anger for me also. Someone who would use me physically, bite me (maybe just enough to draw blood), and all the while taunt me physically (not letting me.. finish; I'm not sure I could handle emotional/ verbal taunting in actuality, although sometimes I imagine it) and when they're done with me... comfort me like a baby, soothe me, put me to bed, and then please me very gently and delicately, careful not to hurt me, as though I might break if they touched me too roughly, all the while making it known how beautiful I was, how much they love me, and how they'll always be there for me.

So who ruined your life your mom or your dad? (that's a joke, sort of)

funnily (?) I was never actually sexually abused, although that fantasy sounds like it for sure.. but my mother was (and is) intensely over-involved with me, and my father under-involved. But yes, I really crave parental figures to take care of me, and I suppose that comes through in fantasies (they really do tell you a lot.)

I have the same exact fantasies and I also have BPD. I can only get off when I think about my bf with another girl. By the time I'm done getting off, I start crying because the thought of it makes me so jealous. Feel free to PM if you want.

My current fantasy is about a male friend
I am attracted to . In the fantasy both of
our spouses have passed and we are older .
I won't be with him until he has grieved his
wife properly . We go out in groups and
Cuddle watching a movie while others are
around . We hug goodbye but no sex . I
finally allow him to go out with me alone. .
Our first kiss is against a tree in the woods .
We go back to his house and dance . I tell
him I want to go slow... not for moral reasons
but because it's so much better when there
is anticipation . We finally make love another
night . It is physical ..he ravages me , overtakes
Me ...and
emotional ... we look into each other's eyes
and I feel safe . I look forward to the emotional
Connection more than the sex . He washes
my feet and bathes me, adores me. He says
He never felt this way with anyone. I am a friend. , a
woman and a little girl with him and wouldn't
have it any other way.

That's always my fantasy. I wish I can have some of
this with my husband . Not the new love feeling
but everything else .

saralee wrote:I have the same exact fantasies and I also have BPD. I can only get off when I think about my bf with another girl. By the time I'm done getting off, I start crying because the thought of it makes me so jealous. Feel free to PM if you want.

Well, the part that i recognize (And that other people don't get) is getting jealous over things happening in your own mind. It's not like i doens't know it's in my own mind, it's just the fact that i can think of it makes me realize the fact that it could happen :/

In the spirit of the thread though, let me share my "sexual fantasies"... which... aren't really sexual at all If i have a girl i fancy, and by all means, i have that pretty much always, i never like to fantasize about her in a sexual kind of way. I always think about the stuff leading up to; becomming friends, her becomming my girlfriend, us getting married, etc. On rare occasions i fantasize about the stuff leading up to sex, but never the actual sex, and if my imagination takes it too far i sometimes panic and tries to forget that it happened. The truth is the emotional part and intimacy is the most important thing to me by far, and that just doesn't work for me in my mind. Plus i'd feel guilty fantasizing about a girl, and not having her acknowledgement that it's okay.