Sexual Fantasies

whell, it's make me sick, but my problem is that i'm adiccted to rape, gang bang and pornographical porno. I can't have a orgasm if there is not a pain and violant enough in video.

do anyone have this problem to?

sorry for my english gramm!!!

Some traits:

-There is a tendency of wanting to "own" the other person's sexual desire. That's what leads to (for example) homosexual fantasies: when the person is the same sex as you, you can feel more "one" with the desire even though you're a straight in your actual preference. Also strong sexual jealousy about the other person's assumed desire to have sex with others, but when close to orgasm fantasizing about the very same thing you're usually jealous about, because you can (and are not afraid to) enjoy the fact of the other person's own desire when you are at the moment sure to "get it too", "own" it enough.

-Then there is the tendency to separate real, emotional closeness from sexuality - idea of a romantic relation to someone feels contradictory to any sexual desire, and if the fleshly desire comes into play, there goes the notion of "real connection", even though sex was supposed to be the most close expression of intimacy and connection. There is this inability to grasp the "making love"-aspect of sexuality and yet at the same time a strong need for it. When this fails, ideas and feelings of sexuality and emotional closeness in a way become/remain split apart. This split between those two aspects may lead to over-intensifying of the other, perhaps usually the sexual aspect (because it's more hormonally determined?) which then turns into perversity and handling of people as "sexual objects" (pornographic images count also) - In a way this perverse over-sexualization is an attempt to attain intimacy, or that "It" from life, but fails at it and leaves the person feeling empty. So in a way the pervert may be such because he is indeed too opposed to sex as something normal and belonging to life, he is unconsciously too conservative because of his inability to depolarize sexuality and humanity, and then embracing the "sexual" aspect may begin to seem as inhumanity to himself and others. And the "humanity" may seem to be too difficult to embrace because of all the "ugly" (e.g. sexual) aspects of humanity, so attempts at that may seem naive for someone with this 'split' in them, and there may arise some defensive cynicism. The most profane person may be such because he actually believes in 'holy', but at the same time understands it's impossibility. In this way, cynicism is a form of masochism.

Well, since I was about 14ish (~6 years ago) I've always known that no relationship was going to work out for me unless it was with a Dom in a BDSM lifestyle. I'm extremely submissive in the bedroom - I don't know if it's just because I want him to take care of me after my long day at work, or if it's in order to feel his brute strength and power when he moves over me, or if I need to be forced against my will in order to thoroughly relish the act. Okay, so I'm lying...it's the last one. A little bit of all three but that...delicious...little tiny bit of...painful...force....mmmm! The more helpless I am beneath him the harder it'll be for me to not cum until he lets me.

Tie that in with major childhood issues and well...ahh, how do I put this...I need to exactly role-play certain...situations...at the age I was at the time of those situations. I just...need to. Major sexual trigger for me. Before you freak out it's not about the age itself, the trigger is all about me being that age as we play it out. I'm sure I don't need to spell out who he is at that moment. But the one thing I definitely need is the cuddling afterwards as he strokes me and plays with my hair, telling me what a good girl I was and how well I did. He'll take the place of my teddy bear for that night as we both go to sleep with him still inside me.

I worry about how the guy I enter a relationship with is going to take all this...Another trigger here but not the good kind. What if I really like him and he just decides I'm a freak? *sigh* It's always been about those two things for me: control and comfort. I need to have my control taken away so I'm helpless but I need to know that he's going to be there to catch and comfort me at the end of it all. Gah. So freaking complicated. I'm never gonna get laid...

The only sexual fantasies I have had were of tantric sex or slow, thorough love-making with one specific person I have loved all my Lives. I'm demisexual and have only loved one person. Our relationship is a very spiritual one. When we make love in my fantasies, sometimes we are in the form of smoke or an Element (usually Water).

@ monkey: is there no way you could act out the fantasy with him but leave out the othet huy whrn you tell him.

jumpingjellybean,

Do you mean acting out the idea with my husband that I just met him and we were married to different
people and our spouses passed away? I think I can actually do that. I do love the feeling of being with
a new person. That is always my fantasy....being with someone I am attracted to in real life. I actually
want to change this fantasy because of past behavior acting out with men. There is a hot British guy
on a Showtime series I've been fantasizing about.

Beauty and Beast,

I can totally relate to your fantasy. I am exactly like you sexually. I am a submissive. I want what you
described. Don't feel shamed. So what's wrong with wanting a guy to take over and ravage you and
withhold your orgasm for a while, to be in control of it? ANd then for you to cuddle and have the nurturing aspects of lovemaking? You are NOT a freak at all. I was once matched perfectly with a man
sexually who satisfied all of that. Unfortantely, he turned out to be a Narcissist and I had to break it off with him. I haven't had very much luck finding the whole package in one person. But my husband
is a great guy, I love him, and I believe our sexual connection is enough. It is the main area we will work. He is not a Dom at all and sometimes I have a problem with my attraction to him.

Anyways, please accept yourself and your fantasies. Try not to analyze them so much. I get what needs haven't been met and they play out sexually. It's probably half of that and half just how you
are biologically in my opinion.
on when we go to therapy soon.

saralee wrote:I have the same exact fantasies and I also have BPD. I can only get off when I think about my bf with another girl.

I'm exactly the same :/ xx

OP, what you're describing is called cuckolding

Wow! What an interesting thread! I tend to fantasize about being with two or more men at once. I alternate between dominating and submitting to the men, I guess it depends on how I'm feeling. I think it might also symbolize my need to be desired. Which is kinda weird because when in reality I don't trust any man except my husband. I generally suspect ulterior motives. I am also repulsed by men who try to hit on me.

I have a few sexual fantasies that I have to replay during masturbation or actual sex in order to get off.

Mainly they surround having total control over a man (I'm a woman) but not necessarily in a malicious way. Maybe tie him down a bit, or just have him emotionally submit to me so he won't move unless I want him to. Then I would tease him a lot, building up sexual tension. Maybe causing some slight physical discomfort. I want to make him hold back his desire for me until he couldn't take it anymore, and we have full-on passionate sex.

I also love when men premature ejaculate or forcing a man to hold back his orgasm, I think that again goes with controlling a man's sexual desire.

Secondly I would love to have the roles switched, only in this case there is a woman dominating and teasing me. I also fantasize about her smacking me around a bit, but only lightly. Having her sit on my face while I give her oral seems hot too. Basically, putting myself in the position of a man in my previous fantasy.

I don't know if those have anything to do with BPD.