Borderline Mothers

Does anyone here have any ideas about having borderline mothers? I have lots of issues (and diagnoses) that I am dealing with and trying so desperately hard to find out where they come from. Long story short, I'm beginning to wonder if they stem from childhood trauma I don't remember. Except I do remember my mother being depressed when I was very young, due to stress, deaths in the family and so on. Even when I was much older I remember her lashing out at me for ABSOLUTELY no reason and when I finally got the courage to call her on her inappropriate behavior she would go into a rage and somehow turn it around and make feel like the bad one - guilty, even though I WAS NOT. I think subconsciously I have absorbed all this guilt over the years and now have issues of low self-esteem and so on, but I am an extremely capable and competent person, only I am the only one who cannot believe that for some reason.

There could be many things that factor into my problems (bipolar/avoidant personality disorder - probably some of my own BPD mixed in there - thanks genes (my dad is schizoid, I get that part from him). ANYWAY, even my mom trying to learn about MY problems read about BPD and even said she wondered if she was that! So what kind of effect could that have had on me as a child? Does anyone have any experience with this that they would like to share?

My mother is BPD as well as myself, and my grandma. Also my grandma and I are bipolar.

My mother was abandoned and sexually assaulted and abused. This lead to many issues in her life, and self worth. She has no personality of her own, and absorbs others. As I used to, and probably still do to some extent. Her actions as a result were passed on to me thru her behavior. I had no bond with her, and my dad left me when I was 2, another issue, as well as my being molested. All of this has come full circle in our family. I have 3 aunts and their children have bpd as well.

Here is my fav site for this issue.
http://www.borderlinepersonality.ca/

It's possible from what you describe that she may have been affected by BPD, and it's entirely possible that you could be experiencing a "shadow syndrome" that mimics some of the BPD characteristics.

I bought a book called "Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries, and Self-Esteem" by Kimberlee Roth, Freda B. Friedman, and Randi Kreger.

I have a lot of books on BPD, and I found this to be one of the best I've read yet. Even though it's written to help you understand the childhood you experienced with your Borderline parent, it also gives you the ability to see yourself in the situations and reactions throughout the book.

There are a lot of actual experiences in this one vs. the clinical descriptions of characterics you find in other books. You get the chance to say "wow, I DO that!" instead of "that kind of sounds like me"

If you get the chance to read this one I think you will find some of the answers you're looking for.

Good luck,
Tina

Tina,

I immediately browsed a few pages of the book you recommended online and then I rushed out to get it. Just skimming through a few pages freaked me out - I could relate to everything. It's really enlightening - thanks so much for recommending it!

Adna

My mother is borderline. I learned a long time ago not to depend on her for any form of emotional support. In fact I hide issues from her because she is not capable of behaving like a caring parent. Deep down I really hate her for exposing me to her wild mood swings and constant belittling and competition. I had very few authentic moments with her and I never felt she saw me as much more than just an extension or a refection of herself. Today I'm struggling to overcome my mixed love/ hate feelings towards her and my own emotional coldness in response to her erratic parenting. I'm have been trying to deal with my issues with her on my own and have decided it is time to try some outside help. One question I have is did she ever really love me or was she so absorbed in her illness that she couldn't love? Does anyone have suggestions on how to deal with her in my adult life?

I can't convince my mother that I am now an adult, regardless of my age - as soon as I am in her company it is like reverting back to childhood. It doesn't matter that I'm an adult - I'm still supposed to be doing everything HER way (the only RIGHT way). The only effective remedy I have found is avoiding her as much as possible. Does this sound terrible?

Guest, I can relate to your feelings of anger toward your mother. I'm not sure I've ever admitted it to anyone, but I have feelings of hatred towards both of my parents, but especially my mother. It seems like everyone in the world loves their mother and I feel inhuman not to. I'm quite convinced that neither of my parents have ever loved me, although I know logically this doesn not make much sense. It's not as though I have ever been physically abused, so where do these feelings come from? I think it's stifled my abilty to love or to receive love from anyone.

I grew up with a mother with bpd.She was abusive , and I could never put my finger on her inability to love or treat other humans with love but her ability to sob over a tv commercial. As an adult I hide from my mother, she dosent have an adress just a cell # and does not have my home #.
I never knew my other family either, they had all long removed themselves from her life. But I have since found a caring , loving family that I never knew existed.
I have heard it said to run away from people with BPD in context to relationships and find that in order to save my sanity , this is what I have had to do .I wish you luck

I have four children and love them all dearly. One had borderline personality disorder but we did not learn what this was until after she had taken her life. Another daughter has autism, tourettes, dyspraxia and possibly schizophrenia (that is the newest). I am guessing there is the inherited relationship. I learned about the genetic tie through a book written by David E. Comings M.D. called Tourette Syndrom and Human Behavior. He was (I think he is now retired) the Director of the Tourette Syndrome Clinic and the Department of Medical Genetics at the City of Hope National MedicalCenter in Duarte California. I took my daughter there because I was told she had Tourettes. I read the book and there was mywhole family. I could not believe it. His research shows a genetic tie between : Tourettes, autism, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia and ADHD. My sister has a daughter with Schizophrenia and my daughter who had BPD had twin boys, one of which has ADHD. Anyway, I don't know about any of my realtives and what they have had in their families because when I was growing up they did not talk about those things. However, as I started with this response, I was a loving and good parent to my kids so I don't think it was from my care. I have a third daughter and son. They are both living normal healthy lives. I am so sorry for all of you who not only have had to live with these disorders but then did not have a parent who could give you loving care.

I am a borderline mother and these posts scared the $#%^ out of me. I can assure you I parent to the best of my ability and love my son with all of my being.

I have often worried in my darker moments about how he views me. I get scared I'm not good enough and wonder what the hell someone like me is doing being a parent at all.

I know he loves me, I know I love him. And I make sure he knows everyday I love him. If I react badly to anything during our day, I always apologise and he is aware of my disorder to a small degree and I will make him more aware as he gets older.

The thought of him having to hide from me and give me only a cell number terrifies me.

I have BPD, but I can be a good mum in spite of that.


Karma.
x

i never knew you had a kid, whats his name and what age he? if ya dont wanna c ova this then send me an email xx i love kids i wanted to have one with my ex but i think the only reason why i want to get bk with him is cause he is the opposite to the "usual bad boy" types that i go for that hurt me and i know he would look after me and my kdi is that a good anough reason to get back with him?