Could my ex have BPD

Hello to all.

I have recently split up with an ex. After reading about abusive relationships and coming across BPD I now have a suspicion she may possibly be suffering from this disorder. If this is the case I am surprised that this has not been picked up before as I know she has a history of unstable relationships, extreme anger etc.

I would like to get some views of others who know a lot more about this disorder than myself, because if I am right I would like to try and help her.

Here is my story. I already knew that she had a history of unstable relationships because I had seen for myself the amount she argued with her ex's and had heard bits and bobs about how she treated them. I soon saw and experienced for myself her wrath.

After getting together I moved in straight away and at the time thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to me, but not for long. I soon saw her rage at times that did not seem logical, she drank every day and we would have stormy arguments that were drink fulled on a regular basis, some being violent. Everything was my fault I can honestly say I felt it didn't matter how much I gave it was never enough. I could not read a book or go on the computer without her having a black twisted moment. I found myself toe tipping around her and trying to give constant emotional, financial and physical support and if I didn't she would have a black moment. The life was being sucked out of me. She spoke about suicide almost on a regular basis and controlled almost everything in my life. We went on holiday and all I can remember from it was experiencing the most abusive behavior I had ever experienced in my life. This was it, I left her.

I spent a year being confused and depressed and even went to counseling to try and work out in my head where it went wrong. In the mean time she got another boy friend which from what I heard was just as stormy as our relationship. No surprise but that ended. I still loved her and after meeting one night at a party we sort of agreed to give it another go. She often told me that she knew what she did wrong and even admitted to me that she use to treat me like 5hit. I was very cautious with giving it another go and certainly did not want to rush in to living with her or anything.

This time round she did treat me better, but I could see the ugly head of her abusive side starting to pop up again in little pieces. We did not have any big arguments like before and there was definitely no violence but I was not convinced after all the severe abuse I had experienced from her. After a while she started to put pressure on me to move again, I had to make a decision what to do. I started researching heavily into abusive relationships and BPD. I started to read about the disorder as well as other peoples experiences and I started to think this has been the very likely cause of why she is like this. How ever much it hurt me and her I could not take the risk and move in with her again in pure fear that the cycles of abuse will start again.

The facts
* She drank excessively every day,
* She would have the most extreme tempers at the most unlikely times,
* She spoke about suicide a lot,
* Everything was my fault,
* She wanted to control everything in my life, when I read a book or put aftershave on,
* She was so jealous and often accusing me of seeing other girls,
* She was just generally very abusive on a daily basis,
* She experienced an unstable family early on,

Does anyone have any ideas. Do you think that she could have BPD?

Many Thanks
Russ

Hi, Russ! Yes, she was abusive and it's good that you're out of that situation. Maybe she did have BPD or some traits of it. It doesn't excuse the fact that she abused you, though. She might have some other disorder, it can be tough to classify this kind of person. We have forums for domestic and emotional abuse too, by the way.