BPD and OCD co-morbidity?

Hi, I'm a first-time poster.

I'm at uni, I lived with my girlfriend in a flat during our second year having met at uni accommodation in 1st year. I am still living with her this year, it should be my 3rd year but due to circumstances I'm repeating the year. At first our relationship was perfect-my first serious relationship and the girl I loved idolized me. A year ago my father passed away after a 6 month battle with pancreatic cancer and she was excellent-she let go of her OCD, stopped asking me to check her behaviour and focussed entirely on looking after me through this emotional time. It seemed to me I'd found the love of my life- the one person who could get me through any ordeal.

She then turned and showed me her true self-I'd have to comfort her for hours due to her OCD behaviour- constantly washing her hands; spitting; paranoia about having contracted AIDS; crying for up to 5 hours at a time most days. I was a bit of a social pariah and didn't really feel I had friends or family I could turn to due to my own social anxiety issues. I convinced her to go to a therapist and to seek the help of an OCD support group which I attended with her for a few weeks. She started taking medication and around march 2010 seemed to be doing better as her OCD episodes had declined in frequency and ferocity.

However, when exams were imminent she became more difficult-I barely had time to revise for the time I needed to look after her and ensure she didn't slip into a suicidal mentality. She managed to pass her exams despite her apparent upset, yet I became a recluse-I had suffered so much abuse and criticism that I felt everytime I planned something-whether it be going to a party or grinding down to some hard work; that she'd destroy my plans and take over the night with threats of suicide and a constant wail that prevented me from concentrating. So far this may all seem rather callous to you but I love her deeply and wish to help her.

Her OCD symptoms disappeared completely after about 6 weeks of seeing a therapist+ meds but her emotional problems seemed to become more intense-moreso than OCD alone could explain.

During summer she stayed with me and my mother for a while and this is when I saw her attitude really change. My friends and family became enemies, easily manipulated by her unfounded lies. I'd lie in bed listening to my mum and her laughing at me downstairs (for the way I'd behaved in recent times-little realising that it was a response to my girlfriend's behaviour.) It felt like she was trying to undermine all my relationships so that everyone I cared about would see me as defective. There were parties I was meant to have attended but didn't because of th things my gf said five minutes prior to leaving. Only now do I realise it was deliberate so she could manipulate my friends (probably unwittingly though).

As the youngest child in my family I had to take the brunt of problems ( like any hierarchy the $#%^ rolls downhill whether justified or not). The youngest is defenceless and so eventually the more powerful members learn to abuse that without consequence. So I was naive enough to think that someone who seemed to express the same sentiment had been through the same, only to be abused once again.

Around July whle she was back at home she accused me of not caring about her and how harshly her family were treating her. I know I could have come across more caring over the phone but due to my own mental limitations I felt I would be exposing myself to abuse. She made several suicide threats and as I hadn't taken them seriously ( as she had made these threats hundreds of times before) she felt I didn't care about her at all. The months since then she has accused me of not caring about her and that I have treated her like $#%^.

My uncle sent a book called "Stop Walking On Eggshells" by Randi Krueger-it explains her behaviour and my response to her behaviour exactly. I have read it and realised that I'm the only one who can change but I feel like even if I do talk to her therapist and family and her that no-one will accept what i'm telling them (even though she had previously been diagnosed with BPD about 4 years ago.)

She has spent the last few months telling me that I'm deranged an should be committed to mental instituition because I believe that I have done nothing significant to her in the past few months for her to label me as evil, having treated her like $#%^ and making her wish I was dead ( even though she has made me consider suicide [although she has tried to prevent me from doing so]).

At present I am completely isolated, living in a flat with her again this year and I don't know what course of action to take. She seems to think because I have ignored her for weeks that I don't care and has assumed I don't want to be with her anymore but everytime we talk it ends up turning into an argument of who has treated whom like shit-utterly futile and probably why I pretend that I don't care.

Reading that back I realise I have written a lot but nothing I can write will ever give you an accurate picture of my situation-I guess its just a year and a half of frustration coming out. I could have expanded so much more on many situations but I realise no-one will have the time to read it all.

Anyway thanks,

Love 20-year-old in need of help

Hey dude,

This situation is highly variable, and I think that you'll get differing opinions on what to do. In my own opinion, what is clear to me is that the relationship is going absolutely nowhere unless something changes. At the moment, she has things back in control again (after the death of your family member), and she will do all in her power to keep this level of control on her side, even it it means criticising you to no end, and/or threatening you with her petty suicide claims. You are right to not bother listening to such claims at this stage, as she seemed to have learned that she could use them in order to control you - just like a child would do. She'll try other ways to control you though, as it seems she has already done.

Ask yourself this: Where are you two going? As I've said, it's apparent to me that the answer is nowhere. If you are prepared to leave the relationship, then do-so quickly before you completely derail your own life. I disagree with one thing you said, by the way. You said/implied that not even her therapist would believe you if you went to talk to her. On the contrary, a therapist is an intelligent person and would have come across people like her before. I have little doubt that her therapist sees right through her. Still, patient/doctor privacy might be an issue, and you might not be permitted to talk to her.

I also disagree with what you said about being the youngest. I am the youngest in my family, but I fight my way and get what I want. If people feel the need to f*ck me about in my family, then i'll stand up to them, even if it's my dad. I've no time for people trying to control me anymore, as i'm sure you've no time either. The one person who has you wrapped around her finger right now seems to be your partner. Change things dude, and quickly.

BPD and OCD are two that i have not come across together previously, but I dont' see why they couldn't occur alongside each other. I have OCD diagnosed, and I therefore know what's going through her OCD mind.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:BPD and OCD are two that i have not come across together previously, but I dont' see why they couldn't occur alongside each other.

They can, I have both diagnosed and then some.

Hey thanks for the replies. I wasn't sure if people would bother after the essay I wrote. I guess I just needed to get some thoughts off my chest-the stuff about being the youngest. I have split up with my gf but we are still living in the same flat until may and I'm guessing its going to be a bumpy ride but I'm sure after the first year living together I can get through as I feel I have a proper support network now. She invited a male friend from her medicine course to sort her wireless connection as her computer was being weird and didn't connect automatically. Afterwards she came into my room to brag about how legendary the guy is (she told me on previous occassions she believes he has a thing for her) for sorting her internet connection (that's not a euphemism for sex haha). I tried asking her about how strong the wifi is as her room is far away from the wireless router. She stormed out my room saying " I can't talk to you like this..." I followed her to ask what she meant and she said "I wanted so much more..." I asked what she meant several times to which she responded "...for us". before sobbing. I explained that I had too. Then she asked me to leave her room.

Is she attention-seeking or does she genuinely want to be with me again? Either way I've realised how much happier I feel without her as my gf and I have been beating myself up in hindsight about how low I let her make me feel.