Story of a Bad Ducky, Sex Drugs and BPD

Hello,

I'm 24, 5'5, 120lbs (o.k 130lbs for now) my boyfriend says I'm cute and I'm a bad ducky.

The reason I say this is that I fit 9/9 criteria of the DSm-IV and Ive been diagnosed as having Borderline personality Disorder (hurray) My life is like a rollercoaster from hell and I'm always about to throw up, mostly from the dizziness and horror of it all be that driving like a crazy bat out of hell, being slutty and disloyal, being loving and attentive, eating everything, eating nothing, begging my boyfriend to stay, pointing at him with a knife and ordering him to leave, cutting myself because I'm trying not to kill myself from all the pain, doing copious amounts of methamphetamine and cocaine, burning bridges, being the perfect robot because I felt so bloody empty,isolating myself, partying and making new friends, being eccentric and loud or quiet and meek or just chatting with the voices in my head

Yep.... c'est moi. I actually have to say, I feel quite a bit better about this all now since as little as two months ago I really thought I was unique in every way I also mostly just blamed all my actions on other people but..thats a whole other topic i guess




Ducky

Ducky, I'm Chucky. Thankfully our names rhyme. You'll have to do one thing for me though - i.e. go into your psychiatry and therapy sessions with an open mind. I mean, try to accept what they say to you and to take on-board their suggestions. I've been here a long time and notice that some people get nothing from therapy, and I believe it's because they don't trust the professional they're seeing. If you can think of something that you are good at - whatever that might be - then try to see that it is psychiatry that psychiatrists are good at. Therefore, they are the best at offering advice to patents in this area. If you were a microbiologist, then i'm sure they'd trust your opinion on something microbiologically-related.

Your life previous to the present was heading for a major crash - i'm sure you'll agree with me on that? The stuff you mentioned in your opening paragraph is what i'm mostly basing this opinion on

Kevin

Hi Chucky

Thank-you for the reply and I have to agree with you.... I was going for a major crash and I have to say I am kind of thankful that I won't have to hit rock bottom (ever seen that show intervention?.. rock bottom looks horrible) before being able to help myself out of this situation..... my therapist told me that borderline personality is always going to follow me through my life and the best I can do is learn how to control it..... I don't really like that, perhaps I need to find another doctor?

Ducky

Hi, Ducky.

thank you for sharing your story.

I identify with how it is being affected by this condition.

Yes, the last thing so many want to do is hurt people.

Iamnotmyillness

Ducky wrote:Hi Chucky

Thank-you for the reply and I have to agree with you.... I was going for a major crash and I have to say I am kind of thankful that I won't have to hit rock bottom (ever seen that show intervention?.. rock bottom looks horrible) before being able to help myself out of this situation..... my therapist told me that borderline personality is always going to follow me through my life and the best I can do is learn how to control it..... I don't really like that, perhaps I need to find another doctor?

Ducky

What the therapist probably meant was that you are inherently BPD - i.e. it IS you - and therefore you'll just have to learn how to get along with it in your life. look at it this way: BPD is not a mental illness and is instead just a 'way of life'. However, those with this way of life are in the minority and therefore they have to live by the rules of the others who comprise the vast majority. I regard myself as having Asperger's Syndrome, but I don't see it as a mental illness. i just see it as me being in the minority, and - because I'm in this minority - I have to live by the rules of everyone else. If everyone in the world was BPD, then maybe you would'nt have a problem at all (....semi-joke).

Kevin