I feel like a monster

All I read is about how horrible people with bpd are. Vengeful, mean spirited, hateful people that you should be thankful you aren't around. Any relationship support forums are all riddled with nothing but sad storied and break ups and cheers that they are finally rid of their crazy. I've heard us described as robots, not completely human, childlike. I hate this, I have trouble even accepting this is a real thing and that I'm not just a bitch.
As a child my parents would always tell me that I couldn't expect to argue with them and treat them so poorly then expect to be hugged and snuggled moments late. I've never understood, it's like emotions don't really penetrate. I don't get why we can't all fight and be fine after. I'm not even angry when I fight, I just feel compelled to do it.
Now I'm afraid of seeing my boyfriend on one of those boards with his triumphant story of leaving me.
Do all 'normal' people see us like this?

Only if you subscribe to acting that way.
I am conscious of myself and force myself to act differently than feels natural.
I can deduce when I'm going to be a biatch and can change it, if I feel like it.

You don't have to be someone they talk about.
It just requires some reaction formation training...
Which can be hard, but productive.

I know how you feel.
You don't have to feel that way.

Please don't feel like a monster. The fact that you even have the emotion to feel like a monster concludes that you aren't one. I'm a non that dated a girl with BPD and our break-up was fairly recent so I'm still a little bitter towards the situation, but not towards her as a person. There's no doubt in my mind that BPD is a terrible thing but the disorder and the people are two different things... and when I say that it's terrible, I don't mean that I had it terrible. People that have the disorder aren't at fault for having it, it's not like they chose it and I don't mean to speak for anyone but I have no problem stating that every single person with BPD doesn't want it. I hate that such a horrible thing can take over so many people. As nons, we have the option of walking away from BPD and making an effort to extricate it from our lives. BPDs don't have this option. From an outside view, it was unreal to me to watch her emotions, how quickly they could change, and how sincere they always seemed to be. I couldn't ever imagine not being able to walk away from BPD or being unable to take a break from it. If people spend their time trying to convince others that they're horrible, it's only a matter of time before they believe it. Please don't. Besides, most stories you hear like this are, like you said, exes or people that feel betrayed that need a place to rant. I can relate to that feeling but most of these people are really angry at themselves for allowing it. You can spend as much time as you'd like blaming someone else for being naive but in the end I think you have to accept the fact that you're just as at fault before you can make sense of anything. My ex is still and I think will always be, one of the most amazing people I have ever met. If someone isn't happy with the way someone is treating them, they can leave, BPD or not. There's no excuse for bashing someone. I have to admit to slandering BPD at times but I do my best not to disgrace the actual person. I know this can still be personal for those with the disorder and never intend to offend anyone. So hopefully I can try to distinguish this: the only monster in this situation is that you have to spend your life trying to make the best of a bad disorder.

Mateo,

This is a very kind post. I am sorry about the break-up with your girlfriend, but it is admirable that you can seperate the person from the illness. I am sure you loved her very much and it was difficult to experience.

You are wlecome here anytime!