How do you deal when you can't go out?

A party I was going to today got cancelled and I can't find anybody else to hang out with that I like. I can't deal! I've been trying not to scream and go crazy, but I'm sobbing and just rocking back and forth. I can't stop crying. It so ridiculous but I feel so ANGERED and so HURT that I just can't be with people and be sociable. My mom said she'd take me out somewhere but it's not the same, I like being with three or four or five or a crowd of people, it's just the only way to make me happy...I don't know how to handle myself, I am trying not to hurt myself.

Why don't you stop pushing yourself to go out and socialize?

It is not compulsory to socialize. No one gave you a manual when you were born, in which it was said that you had to go out and be able to socialize. We do it because we are sheep. Because everyone else does it. And some of us don't enjoy it as much as others. In fact many of us don't enjoy it - unless we are out of our faces - with drink, drugs, music, non-sense chatter etc.... And despite of not enjoying it - we still do it - and push ourselves to do it and expect ourselves to to do it.

Just stop thinking that it is normal to go to parties. May be it is not normal to go to parties. Let your body do what it does. It wakes up itself. It goes to sleep itself. It digests your food and circulates your blood itself. It grows your hair and nails itself. It laughs and cries itself. It can also show you whether or not it wants to go to a party by itself.

Trust your body not your mind.

And what is wrong with going out with your mom. Who told you (but yourself) that you like being in a crowd of 4 or 5. If you keep telling yourself that you like chocolate and not vanilla then you will go for chocolate and avoid vanilla.

Stop telling yourself what you like and what you don't like. What ever you tell yourself is a lie (in reality). It is not truth. It changes. It is a temporary thought and feeling.

What you like is what you have learnt. And what you do not like is also what you have learnt. So learn broader, bigger and deeper. And then you will know that you like everything. Then you will be comfortable on your own, with your mom, in a group and in whatever situation you are.

Broaden your world - do not restrict it by putting your likings and dislikings around the boundaries of the world.

mirandalala wrote:A party I was going to today got cancelled and I can't find anybody else to hang out with that I like. I can't deal! I've been trying not to scream and go crazy, but I'm sobbing and just rocking back and forth. I can't stop crying. It so ridiculous but I feel so ANGERED and so HURT that I just can't be with people and be sociable. My mom said she'd take me out somewhere but it's not the same, I like being with three or four or five or a crowd of people, it's just the only way to make me happy...I don't know how to handle myself, I am trying not to hurt myself.

As vital and absolutely necessary as it seems to be for you, not being about to hang out is not the end of the world. Your life is not being threatened; your friends will not suddenly all hate you just because you can't be with them. There will be other parties, other days to chill. Think about it; they're still there, right? They haven't abandoned you FOREVER. You can call them, or text them, even msn. And of course, there's always the thought, the hope to make new, make more friends next time. But if that's not enough for you-
Breathe. Live it out. And cry if you must, let it all out. Feel your pain, feel the pain in your heart, your body, in your hands. Just let it settle in you. Lie down. close your eyes. Breath in slowly. Focus on the feeling of the air going through your nostrils, expanding your lungs. try to concentrate completely on your body; is there any tension in any particular part? Your forehead, shoulders? jaw? relax them. Focus on it! And if your mind goes back to thinking about the pain, acknowledge that happened, and try focusing again.

If you can progress to a state where you feel somewhat stable, try doing things that cheer you up, like watching your favorite show, cooking... whatever floats your boat. Tasks with repetitive motions like cooking and vacuuming are especially therapeutic. It's best to do these things with your mom or someone else around though; the urges may still come, but with people around sometimes they act as a deterrent.

If you really must try to hurt yourself, try holding ice cubes really tightly in your fist. It's even better if they're red ice cubes; looks like blood. If you want to punch or throw things, try throwing all the pillows in the house at one space as hard as you can. Or get into a slightly more stable frame of mind, find things that don't break easily, and throw them at a wall or an empty sofa. Or try venting it all out with a sport...?

If you feel trapped and you have nothing left to turn to..
go back to the relaxing exercises.
or go for a walk. Tell others that you feel it is absolutely necessary that you go.

if going for a walk is a trigger, please stay at home.
Run on the spot?
Pace! Pacing works. But make sure you stay focused on the pacing; count your steps, see if you can spot a new thing in your vision every step you take, ob serve your surroundings in minute detail. Or focus on how the pacing speeds up your breath, how the floor feels under your feet.

Ah! Holding something while you do that helps too; something that gives your comfort. Like a cup of tea, or a favorite child hood toy that you can squeeze to deat- i mean, hug close.

I want to send this reply as soon as possible ._. I'm worried about you. So I'll stop here.

how old are you, Miranda?

I only ask this because my 17 year old daughter who has undiagnosed BPD, would be feeling just the same as you are now if the same thing happened to her.

Let's face it - at 17, we all wanted to party, party, party; and I can recall when I was let down by friends at a young age - how devastated I was because I'd been looking forward to a party, night out, etc... for weeks, planning what to wear, wondering if that boy I really fancied would be there, etc... and I was gutted when it was cancelled! And I don't even have BPD!!

The thought of 'doing something with my mother' instead, would have thrown me into a dickie fit!!

It's NORMAL to feel like that when you've been let down, when you've been so looking forward to the party. At the moment, it may seem like 'the end of the world', but you WILL get over it!!

Play some loud music and dance, dance and dance some more. Write down how you're feeling and read it back to yourself the next day..... you'll realise that it wasn't so bad after all.

'Phone a friend' - talk about it and laugh a little.

And most of all - don't dismiss your mother. Tell her that you appreciate her offer, but you're just not in the mood right now - that you and her will do something together some time soon.

It's hard being a teenager at the best of times, and when you've been let down it all feels like $#%^, but tomorrow is another day and will bring different challenges to make us stronger.

I wish you luck and hope that you are ok!

Joanne x x

I kind of get this . . . I'm not a teenager nor did I party at all when I was one. But for years social anxiety basically kept me asocial.

The more I learn to enjoy the company of others, the more attached I become to it. And when there's nothing to do or nobody around, I start to go crazy. I have this idea that everyone else in the world is out doing something all the time, and if I'm not at that moment, it's because I've done something to piss them off or some other kind of rejection.

To be honest, after being labelled "introverted" for my entire life when I was nothing of the sort, and being able to enjoy crowds again, I can't understand why anyone would dislike socializing or enjoy being alone.

Being alone kind of gives me that hollowness that you feel when you stand on the edge of a canyon . . .

SYL wrote:
To be honest, after being labelled "introverted" for my entire life when I was nothing of the sort, and being able to enjoy crowds again, I can't understand why anyone would dislike socializing or enjoy being alone.

Being alone kind of gives me that hollowness that you feel when you stand on the edge of a canyon . . .

...and doesn't that just prove that we're all so different.

I prefer being alone - I love my own company and get so anxious when I get invited out with friends.