Chaotic ending to a 2 year relationship

I dated a girl with bpd for 2 years, that really put me through hell these past 2 months. She really hurt me, very badly, and it was just too much. We have broken up time after time, and every time I think that this time it is really over, she always comes back to me somehow. This time, this is really, really different though. Usually I had to be so sensitive with things that I said to her, even I hinted at a bad memory that could have sent her into a depressive spiral. Well this time I really went off on her, it was 2 months of white-hot anger coming out in one conversation. I called her a prostitue. I said she was a wreckng ball that destroys people's lives. I threatened to tell her dad that her mom cheated on him. I threated to spead rumors about her all over shool and ruin her friendships. I was very belligerent and swore many times at her, and spoke to her like I NEVER have before. Basically, I'm sure the the stuff that I said could have led her to killing herself now that I think back on it. She must have had a severe episode/panic attack. As a result, she blocked me on facebook, doesn't speak to me, blocked my number, email, etc...I graduate in a month and will likely never see this girl again unless one of makes a strong effort to go see the other (we will be a 4 hour drive apart).

Why did I do it? I was so frustrated and so angry with her it all just came out. Then I subconciously tried to push her away as far as possible. I knew exactly what to say to trigger her, and was hoping that I would so badly this time that she would never come back to me again. She is probably scared to even talk to me after what I said.

It's never really over between us, but I treated this girl like an angel for 2 years, and this time I treated her like dirt (intentionally). Is that what it will take for us to remain broken up for good?

mc693 wrote:I dated a girl with bpd for 2 years, that really put me through hell these past 2 months. She really hurt me, very badly, and it was just too much. We have broken up time after time, and every time I think that this time it is really over, she always comes back to me somehow. This time, this is really, really different though. Usually I had to be so sensitive with things that I said to her, even I hinted at a bad memory that could have sent her into a depressive spiral. Well this time I really went off on her, it was 2 months of white-hot anger coming out in one conversation. I called her a prostitue. I said she was a wreckng ball that destroys people's lives. I threatened to tell her dad that her mom cheated on him. I threated to spead rumors about her all over shool and ruin her friendships. I was very belligerent and swore many times at her, and spoke to her like I NEVER have before. Basically, I'm sure the the stuff that I said could have led her to killing herself now that I think back on it. She must have had a severe episode/panic attack. As a result, she blocked me on facebook, doesn't speak to me, blocked my number, email, etc...I graduate in a month and will likely never see this girl again unless one of makes a strong effort to go see the other (we will be a 4 hour drive apart).

Why did I do it? I was so frustrated and so angry with her it all just came out. Then I subconciously tried to push her away as far as possible. I knew exactly what to say to trigger her, and was hoping that I would so badly this time that she would never come back to me again. She is probably scared to even talk to me after what I said.

It's never really over between us, but I treated this girl like an angel for 2 years, and this time I treated her like dirt (intentionally). Is that what it will take for us to remain broken up for good?

What you really are can not be hurt.
However, words do hurt and can very often change people's lives.
There is a book I read called 'The Four Agreements' by Don Miguel Ruiz. The first agreement in that book is:
'Be impeccable with your word'.
Second: 'Don't take anything personally'
Third: 'Don't make assumptions'
Fourth: 'Always do your best'.
Even though you may not have been impeccable with words - do not take things personally. I hope she does not either. Just do your best. Forgive yourself and forgive her. Next time, make sure that relationship is not based upon ego attachment - but something solid. Check out 'The power of now' by Eckhart Tolle.

She's gone.
You won.
Grow a pair of balls and make it stay that way.

Godhatesyou wrote:She's gone.
You won.
Grow a pair of balls and make it stay that way.

Yes. For god's sake leave this girl alone.

Hey, didn't you post about her earlier...? Your sn seems familiar.

Pairou wrote:

Godhatesyou wrote:She's gone.
You won.
Grow a pair of balls and make it stay that way.

Yes. For god's sake leave this girl alone.

Hey, didn't you post about her earlier...? Your sn seems familiar.

What do you mean leave her alone? I was really good to her, she was the one that screwed me over.

p.s. i just have a lot of regret at the way it ended, I feel like i was the bad guy for saying all of those nasty things. Her problem is that she won't remember all of the great things that I did for her-- I even saved her life-- she will just remember me for saying all of these terrible things to her and being a total jerk of a boyfriend.

mc693 wrote:

Pairou wrote:

Godhatesyou wrote:She's gone.
You won.
Grow a pair of balls and make it stay that way.

Yes. For god's sake leave this girl alone.

Hey, didn't you post about her earlier...? Your sn seems familiar.

What do you mean leave her alone?

I was really good to her,

she was the one that screwed me over.

Yes.
So?
Good, you deserve it. People can only do to you what you allow them to do.
Take some responsibility.
Unless of course you haven't had enough and can't wait to feel some more pain.

right, so I guess every woman that was raped deserves to be, because they ALLOW these men to do it. Good point.

mc693 wrote:right, so I guess every woman that was raped deserves to be, because they ALLOW these men to do it. Good point.

Whatever makes you feel better champ.

Godhatesyou wrote:

mc693 wrote:right, so I guess every woman that was raped deserves to be, because they ALLOW these men to do it. Good point.

Whatever makes you feel better champ.

lol sure thing tough guy