BPD Vs. emotional unstablity

HI there I am new here. I read a book about BPD, and I find I fit one of character when I was teenage and early adulthood, That's emotional unsuitability, However, slowly I get better and better. other characters I don't fit

Recently I got a flatmate and in close contact with her, I find she is very emotional unstable. you have to be nice to her all time, When I state my point assertively, ( i certainly not use any abusive words), she become very emotion reactive, after 1-2 days, I kindly ask how she feels, and she still very reactive, said I shamed her, because what I talk to her, her phone is on, and her friends may hear this over the phone. and she slam the door very hardly when she leave home.


I was totally confused, Is it possible she had BPD? She is very inflexible and think people either black or white, before she think I am nice friend, But I have my own issues, I can not be nice at all time, Now she think me as devil and want to leave. I think I can not walk on egg shell. I maybe explain things nicely to her again and up to her to decide.

Is BPD common? or maybe many people who do not diagnosed as BPD do have some BPD trend. how do you deal with this trend? and worse things happen, I find my emotion also influenced by others emotion, when other emotional high, I feel emotional turbulence inside me too. It would be destructive circle if I allow this influence to continue

any suggestions? Thanks for listening

Hi chY123,

Welcome to the forums.

I think it's possible for your flatmate to have BPD, but without a trained therapist's diagnosis, it's hard to tell. She could just be going through a really rough time.

I think that the best way to interact with her is to limit contact, especially since her emotions affect your mood. I don't think that you have BPD just because you identify with one of the characters in a book...but if you're noticing a trend about yourself, you could see a therapist. They might help you with some coping skills.

I think that it's important to stay calm and consistent while you're dealing with an emotionally reactive person. I know this will be hard for you to do, since you yourself have emotions that easily change. But try anyway. Even if it just means limiting what you say to her. If she is going through a rough time, pretty much anything you say to her might set her off--even if it's nice. I've met plenty of "normal" people like that. They always seemed to be in a bad mood--although it was always a different kind of bad mood.

This site might help you:
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/
It teaches ways of coping with stress and emotions. It's not just for people with BPD--these are good skills for everyone to have.

Hope it helps.

--Frayed

Thanks, I minimize the contact, that's getting better, She still quite reactive, when She come back, she make things very loud than usually, like a protest against something, I just stay in my room focus on my things, after a while I make myself as calm as possible, and I went out ask for rent, and she is Ok, maybe my calm energy influenced her.

Anyway, I bless her and hope she can look for a new flat as soon as possible, and I don't feel that I should put up with this. I am not her family anyway. when she stay here, I use the opportunity to practice my own emotion stable in a chaotic environment

Thanks for the link, That's very good read.

Need help again!

I play detachment for a period. and gained some peace by walking eggShell. She said she will move but seems not take any action. Sometimes she play loud music at midnight ( she is not like this before), I pretend not hear, however, I feel I need to set my boundary, and I knock her door and ask her pls be quiet, and she point figure at me, and start to raise voice... I said:" I am sorry for what's happened, we were friend before I don't want to argue, if you find new place, you can move as you like, you don't need to give me 2 week notice, I will refund full bond. I want to make easy for you, where you stay, pls consider me", I think this statement trigger some abandonment fear inside her, and the case getting worse. I can hear this for the loud way she close the door....now just worry what will happen next in my flat

Did I make mistake? if I don't set boundary I feel I not be true to myself. If I set boundary, she is too sensitive to bear.


I think I also got lesson to learn in here, this flatmate, whose character just like my mum, my mum won't play this over this long because my mum have love to me after all, however, my childhood environment can be describe as " chaotic". when I grow up, I am very scare of this kind of character---- Can this indicate unrecognized character inside me? I don't know how to deal with. they might just be highly emotional reactive. this lesson come to me again( and a few times with friends) might be a reason. I hope I can eventually gain some wisdom to overcome this

Thanks for listen, please give me advice.

hiya,
i have been professionally diagnosed with what you are referring to, i have had it for a long time and have learnt to be in control of it, if your flatmate has this illness then you should be aware of the triggers. there are actions from others that set off the behaviours that your describing. i find that people treading on eggshells is one of mine although i have devloped the ability to control myself so don't act on it. you should also be aware that there are triggers to defuse the outburst. as with anyone with this disorder there are extreme emotions - i find that with me, if someone appeals to my compassionate side, i feel ashamed of my actions and apologetic and understand that i have caused someone else hardship. i am happy to answer any questions you have about what i have, but it would also be a good idea to ask an expert as i can only offer you my perspective on it.

hi again,
may i also say that it is a bad idea for two people with these kinds of issues to live together as both your negativity tends to bounce off eachother and effect both of your moods and you may bring eachother down and cause bad consequences - and it sounds like this is happening from what you said. this isn't healthy in my opinion for either of you - and as someone with this type of illness one of the symptoms is stormy and unstable relationships with other people and i've often found that i have had to live alone up until a 2 years ago when i found someone who is understanding of me - which i know is a very difficult to be for someone who has problems.

you said she plays her music loudly, i've heard that a lot of people with mental health issues tend to use music to ease their symptoms, i have listened to loud music at all hours not to annoy people but to help sooth my emotional discomfort. when i was asked not to by another resident it felt as though the person was intentionally obstructing me from doing something i wanted to do just to cause me problems. only when my landlord threatened me with eviction i reacted by using headphones instead - i'm saying this to give you an example of typical behaviour and also to show you that a lot of what you might percieve as deliberate annoyance isn't always how it might seem, people with illnesses tend to percieve the world and their actions alot differently to people without mental health issues.

part of coping with someone with a mental health issue is understanding and learning, people with what i suffer with find life difficult to deal with. if you still have probems getting her to move out i would suggest finding out more about the illness itself and communicating to her in a way she will understand. i'm sure that a psychologist or an occupational therapist would be the best person to inform you of how to ask her to move out in a way that would be effective and won't leave her feeling personally attacked.

She eventually move out, She put the kitchen nearly on fire in the morning, and I have to call the police.

I am very convinced that she is untreated BPD, if you told her BPD, she might be get very angry, for she will feel lost face. Even admit BPD need great courage!

when she move out, she act as very cool. she put a lot make up on her face and dressed very fashion, because this is sudden move out, I refund her all bonds.

the next day, I find, the carpet are damaged, chairs are damaged, bed are damaged, and a lot of dirty staff on linens, when I put all this in my washing machine, I find a cut on the pipes....

Is this enough satisfied her, my car is outside parking place, and I am very worried. If a person with BPD want to revenge, how much she will go, and how long does it takes?

Thanks very much