How about this: Non manipulating Borderline?

I know traditionally it's the borderline person responsible for doing all kinds of horrible things, but in one of my paranoid trains of thought I did stumble upon a scary reality. This being that I can be easily manipulated by someone I think I love, or want to love me.

This came about because the person I'm seeing is a very good manipulator (but seems to not be this way maliciously), and even though there are some things that are setting off warnings (signs of being taken for a fool/played), I will keep accommodating her and adoring her and so on. So, basically, short of doing blatant things that would set me off enough to tell her to go to hell, she could play me easily and my borderline traits would make me crawl back for more.

Do you think it's possible for the tables to be turned, and for an astute non-BPD person to be controlling or playing with the borderline, given that they know how to play into the fears/become the soothing object, etc?

Hi
I also am BPD and I can assure you we can easily be manipulated by someone who has figured out our fear of abandonment
Try to think twice before acting when you feel pressured

It is absolutely possible. What is not very possible is for a BPD person to be manipulating. That is because manipulation implies planning. Don't know about you, but I can't plan to save my life. I am too impulsive to be manipulative. If I tried I would screw it up. BUT, what I do is perceived as being manipulative. It is just not a conscious effort. It is pure reactions on my part. "I need this now to stop feeling this way, and I will do anything to get it". That is different to planning to manipulate somebody because there is no intent.

I could be played, have been played. I think though that it would be a hard job to maintain manipulation for long with me. I would just get too insecure and start painting black.

Totally possible.
I said this before somewhere...

BPDers are attracted to two kinds of people...
The doormats, that we walk all over and turn into little victim people...
And the confident, self-assured, even occassionally narcissistic (not the disorder, just the trait) jerks that manipulate us into worse victims than we already feel we are.

This second category has been known to be mentally and physically abusive to us and we'd still come back...
Because we need them.

So yeah... it's possible.

the confident, self-assured, even occassionally narcissistic

Yup, I was attracted to my wife because she seemed incredibly strong, confident and like she wouldn't take any cr*p from me. I was actually intimidated by her. I felt I wasn't worthy of her.... not a great way to start out I suppose.

Turns out that she was more of an armadillo - crunchy on the outside and gooey on the inside. Still, I was attracted to her because I had previously been with the other extreme, a doormat. I hated how I ended up treating her and I wanted somebody who would stand up to me. Of course, then I hated it when she actually did. Either way I ended up treating her badly too. Time to suck up and admit that I am the bit that needs changing.

My boyfriend is a cocky, narcissistic bastard... and that's fine, because I know what he's thinking under that guise.
He's as insecure as me, maybe worse...
I'm more like him when I'm manic, and he likes me better that way...

Optimistic wrote:It is absolutely possible. What is not very possible is for a BPD person to be manipulating. That is because manipulation implies planning. Don't know about you, but I can't plan to save my life. I am too impulsive to be manipulative.

I guess I'm one of the rare ones who plans very well much of the time. I'm even planning, sort of, how I'm going to deal with this situation of mine. I'm trying to think of ways to outmanoeuvre this woman, if she is in fact playing with me. And by that I mean, force that fact (if it exists) into the open indirectly so that I don't have to ask about it.

I don't want to ask direct questions because there is a good chance this is just another borderline delusion, and if I accuse her of screwing with me and she's not, I will have done the trite borderline self-fulfilling prophecy thing. Now, let's say I do try to deal with the issue head-on and ask questions? She could very well just pretend to be indignant and hurt and force me into an even more submissive/vulnerable position where I'm even more eager to please her in any way possible. She knows about the abandonment thing. The best thing for someone who wanted to manipulate me would be to force me to confront them over something like this, then convince me that I was wrong and actually being cruel to them by accusing them of these things.

I don't want to be a sucker and continue to be used, no matter how great the sex is. But I also don't want to lose her, especially if there really is nothing like this going on. It seems I'm screwed either way.

Unlike most people you see (at least on dating sites), I'm perfectly fine with "head games." Everyone plays them, whether or not they are conscious of this, and they are just part of life and can even make things more interesting. However, I think this goes way beyond mere games. It's either a big time delusion on my part, or a masterful case of manipulation by a woman who has everything she needs already and just wants a good lay in her spare time with a guy two towns over.