Another what my g-friend has question

I've posted before in the HPD forum and got some feedback about this could be more BPD, so here it is for you to advise you opinion, knowing offcourse a diagnosys will come only from a professional but opinions will help me.

be aware is a litle long...thanks.

When I met my now ex-girlfriend she was a sweet, little (28) childish girl, she was not seductive like most HPD i've read but share some traits like been very emotional and using dramatic languaje to say simple things. During the first months we were OK and have much fun together she seemed to get to know me very fast and was urged to formalize the relationship, she soon started pushing me to intruduce her to my parents, friends, coworkers etc she wanted to know all of them and be invited to all outing I will evetually go. She started coming to my house every day anounced and w/o asking me if I was available or not, sometimes I found her waiting outside my house been waiting for me for hours because I left work late that day.... She showered me with gifts (some times bigger or more expensive than normal) also gradually become controling and manipulative with some inocents lies first then in amore up front manner, in few ocassions she exagerated illness to get attention (once on a routine breast check she told me she has cancer and had 3 month left, she wrote a letter about loving me from heaven etc. it was at a time i started feeling sofocated and have asked her for a break).
Gradually I quit doing things by my self because she would be around all the time, or she will get mad at me if I go anywhere w/o taking her with me, if i wanted to run in the park she will come with me, when she joined a gym she chose the one in the building I live in...having a hair cut, she is there waiting for me etc. etc. I noticed this things were wird but she was so loving and caring that i did not feel too bad, I did felt sofocated and asked few times for a break or at least have her slow down on coming every day at any hour etc, of course I was not succesful at that. With time she started acusing me of cheating with different girls, and I could not stop her from checking my cell phone to the point I found my self taking it with me when when going to the bathroom as I knew she could not resist cheking it if I leave it on the table. Then she started to be more manipulative and kind of more violent like following me in her car if i was not accepting to take her where I was going. Things like "I would not get out of the car, you will have to take me with you" become more frequent, she used that to force me to take her to dinners or other reunions where she was not invited to. After a year or so, I started to feel as a prisioner in my own house.... (she lived at her parnts house).
If someone ask me to summarize what were the most noticiable characteristics I sense from her, it was obssesion, like if she can't be with me all the time she will die, also an enourmous amount of anxiety when I'm not available to her or if I decided no to take her with me, in such cases she will go to any extreme to be with me including tantrums threaten me of spoiling work or family events or just forcely show up at the place I'm at, this last was particulary anoying because I had to cancel few meetings even beeing already at the entrance of the place because she was treaten me to get in and make "a scene or call the police" if I not take her with me... I read many post about HPD apologising for their behaivior, not the case with my ex, for her the things she does are minor stuff not relevant enough to justify an appology, infact I would say that she never has appologyed for anything she did....
Because the jealousy delusions I "deserved" some punishment and the things she did to me were just minor paybacks compared to "all the bad I've done to her". I remember at least two occasions in which she exploded in a rage attack out of nothing or for some trivial issues.
About two years in the relationship I tried to take some distance and would not contact her for a week nor respond her calls, after few days I received a call from her syster saying I needed to go rescue her because she was in bed refusing eating or drinking and it were alreday few days and her family could not have her change her mind, so there I went, when so her so weak I felst scared, I did not wont to risk having her dead or harm so I eat the bullet and accepted her back... After that I knew bad things will come but at that point I could not find a solution, her family said they can't control her and that they were already doing group theraphy, they didn't told me why. I started feeling like been on a plane knowing you will crash and can do nothing about it...
The end came when she finally cheated on me and got pregnant from her one-night- stand, she was seeing herself as a victim of the circumstances her concerns were 1) she will lose me (but it wasen't her fault) and 2) she was pregnant and also wasen't her fault. In fact she didn't make much attemps to appology until her family sent her to my house to do so but it was artificial like repeating an speach someone told her to say. She did at one point offer having an abotion, which i said dont ask me now, is too late" I was much hurt specially because she could manage things different like telling me before the others and wait for my desicion before telling everybody that she was pregnant what she did humillating me with friends, familly etc. unecesarely. Also too bad she could not help but start her appology accusing me of infidelity just beacuse she saw a glass with coke over the table..... that was enough proof for her.

That was the last time I saw her, before leaving my house she cryed and said that she had become crazy, that her psychologist told her she was neurotic and the reason was all me cheating...

Thanks for reading, I'm interested in hearing opinions whether this sounds BPD, HPD or some kind of love obsession like the one described in the "obsessive love wheel" book.
Thanks.
Nico.

Nico, hi.
I didn't read your entire post and here's why: We aren't professionals and can't diagnose your gf. We used to have a lot of people coming here posting long threads about their SOs, making the assumption that they had bpd, and it upset me and some other borderlines, so now there is a special thread for nons (see above). You may want to post there. As one who is a recovering borderline, I find it offensive when somebody posts intimate details about anyone here...it not only triggers the hatred and misunderstanding borderlines get (no, we are not all anywhere NEAR like your girlfriend) and also what if she reads it and recognizes herself? Or somebody she knows does? Just a few thoughts.

Nobody on this board can tell you if this is borderline or not. Most nons here don't really know if their SOs were borderline or had other stuff going on that has nothing to do with bpd. Borderline symptoms overlap many other things. Maybe post in the "non" thread or, better yet, see a therapist to sort through this, and I wish you good luck.

Hi Nico,

I agree with Alpha. It's impossible to get an accurate diagnosis over the Internet (unless you're doing webcam counseling). I, too, think that it would be beneficial for you to get some counseling to deal with this situation.

Too often, people get all caught up in trying to diagnose their ex. A Dx is only a road map to recovery. And it's not your recovery to make. You have your own recovery process to take care of.

Please feel free to post in the Non-Borderline Support thread as well as in the Questions from Nons to Borderlines thread.

Also, review the resources here:
For NON-BPDs: Information and Resources
borderline-personality/topic47446.html

You may also benefit from this forum:
http://www.bpdfamily.com/discussions/message_board.htm
Especially the co-parenting with a BPD threads, since you said she is pregnant.

Now, it's possible that she doesn't even have the disorder to begin with...still, the strategies may prove useful.

Good luck to you. I'm locking this thread, but like I said, feel free to continue to use the appropriate threads and resources.

--Frayed

Nico, I didn't even give you a chance to respond to make sure that you got the info. Sorry about that. The topic is unlocked again now.

--Frayed