As I come out of the fog...

, and it is tough. I'm not sleeping well. I sleep for an hour or so then wake and lie there for hours. Currently running on about 3 cylinders.
Anyway, as I do come out of the fog I remember so many things I did not notice as really serious issues but instead was resentful and pissed off so instead fought back the only way that seemed to make sense. I used to tell my uBPDwAIF that I felt like an employee, or ask her if she was aware of the other 300mil people in the country (which leads me to believe that NPB is wrapped up in her crap too). For years I just took her wants and neglect for the marriage, then threw out a passive/aggressive, cynical, 'poor me' line but was genuinely pissed off at being treated like s**t. Of course, this was turned around on me and proof of my being verbally abusive. At one point she had me reading Patricia Evans books on "The Verbally Abusive Man" and believing that I had a problem. What a crock. Wish I'd said "up yours" to both of them.
It took her really going off the deep end, using drugs, and affair with "Dr. Married 5 times" and her wallowing in depression for me to see just what the hell was going on. I think P. Evans needs an addendum or two to her works highlighting how her stuff could be used for evil as well as the good.

I have to say my friends helped and I owe them a lot too. I am surrounded by great people that know she's a whackjob and want the best for me. Just ranting here...

Taggo, thanks for the rant. Am glad to receive an update on how you are doing, now being a little over four weeks post her Dec 25 walk out. I am not surprised to hear that you are feeling awful and not sleeping well. That will get better each month. After the divorce, if my experience is any guide, you will feel like you've been reborn and set free. Hang in there!

Thanks for letting me rant I needed that.
Now, Where's that Unisom...

Taggo,
Congrats on making it this far and trust me you'll get there. What you may not realize is that even when you think to yourself "Man I don't know if I can make it, this is so hard", even at that exact moment, your making it .

Trust DC, he is right.

The grass is much greener over the hump.

Error.

Not to be too obsequious, but I think my use of the term 'whackjob" might offend some BPD's here
Not my intention. It's my anger showing through.