people who have been with bpd for over 6 months

ok, this thought has been bothering me latley. i was in my relationship with my bpdexgf and i couldnt take her issues anymore. they were driving me crazy, and i ended up breaking up with her at the very begining of the 6th month of our relationship. throughout those 6 months, ive seen her:

cry all the time about any minor little thing then switch to being happy again within 10 minutes, fear of abandonment, high anxiety, depression, panic attacks, be in conflicts with others all the time, drama almost every single day, have family issues, school issues, temper issues (no hitting or anything physical), seeming to constantly cause arguments over little things, REALLY bad jealousy problems and paranoid thoughts of me cheating on her, smothering, controlling, and one really bad tantrum where she really lashed out at me and split me in public at the very begining of the 6th month where she cursed me off saying "i fuking HATE you" and stomping around like a baby and screaming and crying because i was late 10 minutes to see her because of parking. that was actually the first time she really cursed me off like that and didnt apologize ( once if was over, she acted as if nothing happend and seemed to be totally happy with me, all in the same night)

anyway, latley as time goes on of course when i try to think back of how stressfull things were, they dont seem as severe. i try to keep the memorys in my head about how uncomfortalbe i was in the relationship and how much i wanted out. on the day before i broke up with her i was suffering from horrible anxiety and depression i could barley function.

but of course i still wonder, what things would have been like if i stayed in the relationship and never ended it. 6 months is very short compared to most of your relationships, so itd make me feel alot better if some of you could give me an idea of how things would have escalated in about 3 months from then if i stayed in it. i cant remeber things too clearly, but last i remeber about the relationship, near the end of the 5th month it seemed like everytime i was with her she would be very criticle of any little thing i say, give me the cold shoulder and ignore me while i was with her for a good 10 minutes constantly throughout the day, and look for things to argue about. she also started questioning how much i loved her and stuff.

any BPD experts want to give me a prediction of how things would have been about 3 months from then?

like, way more serious tantrums, way worse splitting, more and more arguments, etc?


oh and i was also her first boyfriend, so i have noone to ask about how she acted before

unknown56 wrote:Any BPD experts want to give me a prediction of how things would have been about 3 months from then?

Welcome to the BPD forum, Unknown. I'm afraid there are no BPD experts here. Instead, we are just a bunch of people either suffering from the illness directly or suffering indirectly through a loved one who has it. What we can give you, however, is our opinions based on our personal experiences (15 years in my case) and what we have read.

In your case, it is obvious that you have already done much reading and, thus, already know the answer to your question: of course, as you move further away from the honeymoon period, things would have gotten worse. Much worse. But you knew that.

I nonetheless realize that it is comforting to receive affirmation from others who went through the same thing. They can tell you that BPD honeymoons typically last up to six months. You got short changed, in that respect, because your relationship started falling apart (i.e., her infatuation started evaporating) well before that time -- perhaps about three months in.

BPDs are a diverse group of individuals with varying combinations of the nine BPD traits, as well as varying intensitites of the particular trait set they have. On top of that, most BPDs have another PD or illness such as bipolar as well. So nobody here -- not even a trained professional -- can tell you what would have happened with any precision.

What is clear, however, is that you likely have good self esteem and strong personal boundaries, both of which enabled you to get out of that toxic relationship. Good job. You did well. I applaud you!