BPD people = good at acting?

en_causa_sui wrote:When I act I know the difference between real and fake, dear. I can't speak for all Borderlines but I don't have a problem with the distinction. I think the difference you're having problems with is "lying" and "acting". You aren't lying to an audience when you portray a character well. Sure, you're displaying the characteristics in a believable manner but anyone can tell you that it's not real.

Now, she might be playing you without realizing it. Or if she does realize it, maybe that's what she wants to be the truth and is trying to convince herself of that. Of course she's going to get emotional when you invalidate her self-image (whether realistic or not) because well, Borderlines tend to be randomly emotional. That's not really something she can control (I say not really because with therapy you can learn control). She might not be lying because it's become the truth for her. It might not be the truth that you know but that's getting into the subjective-perspective side of what's real and what isn't. Anyone caught in a lie is bound of overreact but Borderlines tend to take everything personally to the point of ridiculousness. Either way, if you actually wanted that to end well, a little acting on your own part probably would have made her not freak out. Not saying you should because honesty's an awesome thing and she probably needed to hear that you didn't believe her lie.

This is a pretty good way of explaining how I see it. It's not that I'm not to blame, either, as I KNOW she's got BPD but still I provoke it sometimes by calling her on it. It's not that I say "you have BPD" but I'll basically accuse her of exaggerating something... usually it'll be some really "nice" comment she makes about me that really feels like she's just trying to keep me in the space of being attracted to her when I'd prefer to just be friends (rationally). She immediately recoils a little and gets defensive, and then I KNOW I've hit a nerve.

The tough part is that what kind of nerve have I hit? Is it something sincere, as in "how can he not understand that I really do feel that way about him?" or is it "oh crap, he's seen through me again... what do I do?". There's no way for me to push past this, especially in the situation we're in, because she can't PROVE that she "actually" feels that way without something physical happening and upsetting her relationship apple-cart. It's pretty much an impossible situation.

I guess you're right, I just need to let those tricky situations wash over me. If she hints at something a little too intimate, or if it feels like she's playing me, I just need to relax and not let my ego react. Maybe she is playing, maybe she's not, but either way there's nothing I can do about it unless I want to kick her completely out of my life. Which has been a thought lately, but I haven't followed through for other, quite complex, reasons.

burly wrote:This is a pretty good way of explaining how I see it. It's not that I'm not to blame, either, as I KNOW she's got BPD but still I provoke it sometimes by calling her on it. It's not that I say "you have BPD" but I'll basically accuse her of exaggerating something... usually it'll be some really "nice" comment she makes about me that really feels like she's just trying to keep me in the space of being attracted to her when I'd prefer to just be friends (rationally). She immediately recoils a little and gets defensive, and then I KNOW I've hit a nerve.

The tough part is that what kind of nerve have I hit? Is it something sincere, as in "how can he not understand that I really do feel that way about him?" or is it "oh crap, he's seen through me again... what do I do?". There's no way for me to push past this, especially in the situation we're in, because she can't PROVE that she "actually" feels that way without something physical happening and upsetting her relationship apple-cart. It's pretty much an impossible situation.

I guess you're right, I just need to let those tricky situations wash over me. If she hints at something a little too intimate, or if it feels like she's playing me, I just need to relax and not let my ego react. Maybe she is playing, maybe she's not, but either way there's nothing I can do about it unless I want to kick her completely out of my life. Which has been a thought lately, but I haven't followed through for other, quite complex, reasons.

You are definitely not to blame because it really is her fault for manipulating you like that. Whether she realizes it or not, it's wrong. It is good to have boundaries but someone reinforcing those boundaries is probably something she isn't used to. The more you reinstate that boundary, the less she should try to set her own. I say "should" because sometimes they never learn and then it's just a perpetual pain in the ass.

Really what kind of nerve you hit doesn't matter because as long as there are nerves to hit, you'll get them. It really sounds like she isn't getting the message that you don't want that kind of relationship.

You don't need to let her walk all over you but a little more tact would probably do you some good. Kicking her out of your life sounds like the most healthy option on your side if she just won't quit. If she keeps trying to violate the boundaries you've set, she's obviously not learning.

People with BPD are absolutely good at acting. The lying is in essence the acting. BPD's don't have a stable sense of self, so they try things on without realizing it because nothing feels authentic. I lie when I'm trying to preserve my sense of self, whatever I feel that to be at the time. I don't knowing 'act' a certain why conciously, it just kind of happens. People with BPD are amazingly adaptive.

And yet, I was never a very good actress on stage. Ironic much? lol

I was an awesome actress on stage. I was the youngest kid with a speaking role (by two years) in an elementary school production, and in college, I got cast in roles that I physically didn't fit. High school was more political, and there was more competition (it was an arts school), so I didn't do so well, there. Never once, though, did I confuse acting with reality.

girl_interupted wrote:The lying is in essence the acting.

I'm sorry but I have to fully disagree with you there. Lying is an attempt to make someone else believe something other than what is the truth. Actors don't try to make you believe anything. They express themselves in a believable manner for the purpose of mutual entertainment.

If you are out in an audience and you actually believe the actor IS the character, that is no fault of the actor. You clearly have reality issues.

Weirdly enough this sounds exactly like "modelling" in NLP.. Which is a way of taking on-board characteristics by "being like somebody else" in order to learn skills or character traits.

Whatever my diagnosis ends up being, I have a very unstable sense of self and I'm a jack of all trades when it comes to hobbies and creative endeavours and I'm half decent at most things I've tried my hand at... Makes me think modelling must come easily to BPD-ers. Does that count as an up-side? I don't know.

I think BPD'ers are good actors. I can only speak for myself, but I think it is the case.

It's not like I ever intend to deceive anyone, (far from it), I think its like you said below, we just try things on for size, I'm not really firm in any identity, so when a group are being a certain way, I'll kinda join in and always mirror people too, again without realising. I know its not manipulative on my part, it just is the way I've always been.

I always thought it was one of my good qualities, before I knew I had BPD and now it kind of has a negative tint on it.

Perhaps we have had to act, so that the world think we are normal in order to have some kind of normal life I know that (Well believe) that if I was myself, no one would be very interested in me and if I was honest about my feelings to everyone, they would think I was ridiculous, so I just kind of put a happy face on and get on with it. Probably much like normies do, when they have a bad day.

it does make me feel sad when people say things about BPDers like, they never learn, they'll just keep pushing you etc etc etc, sorry to bring it up again, it must be hard for people in relationships with BPDers (I have masses of empathy for my patient BF and I know how frustrating it can be, but I just wish people would be kind with thier words about others, especially when defining such a large number of people in one grouped description. We're not that bad are we..

Lets get on the positive bandwagon and try and believe that it is possible for a BPDer to have a loving relationship
x

PS Burley, I promise you, when a BPDer is having a reaction and being all black and white, it is definitely not a lie..
That could not be further from the truth...

I can assure you, NO ONE would choose to feel this way, the black and white thinking is just that, "thinking" and I think I speak for most BPDers when I say that if we had a choice we would think normally like normies instead of being immensely oversensitive.

I can imagine how easy it is to feel like you want to blame a BPDer for being a certain way, but in the same way you would jump out of the way if a car was coming at you, a BPDer responds to a really un harmful situation with the same level of intensity. it can be SO hard to understand and not get mad but Its awful for us too, please dont forget that.

Its certainly not an act or a lie, if that (which is a key symptom) were a lie, then the whole condition could be considered a lie abd again, its not a life choice, I promise you that.

Take Care. x

I think BPD's are great actors. Great at lying too. Ever since I could remember, I've gotten straight A's in drama. I guess because in reality it's like knowing who you are. You're this character, this person who knows who they are, what they like, what they want out of life. As a bpd, you don't really know what you want, where your going. I have no idea what I'm doing in life, it changes on a daily basis. But I'm good at lying as well. Half the time I don't know if I'm lying or not, I kind of just like whatever the person I'm trying to like me likes. Whether it be sport, or art, music. I am like a chamileon in a way, it's weird to think of it like that, and to analyse myself. But I think a lot of bpd sufferers would think so too. It's little things that are misconstrued as lies to other people, when to us they're what we think we like at the time. Or what will make you like us more.

But to answer your question, stuff actors with bpd! You'd never be able to pick them anyway. We're all great actors. Put on a smile, and the world is oblivious to the hell thats going on inside. It's the best drama school out there!

asphyx wrote:Cluster-B's are all fakes and chameleons so of course they know how to act well. I think BPDs and HPDs especially do it 24/7 lol.

It's a shame you see it like that. Firstly, don't lump everyone together, there are vast differences even within one category of a cluster B personality type. And to say that ASPDers are the same as borderlines is unfair considering empathy is a vast point of difference between them. One has vast amounts and the other has none.

Also, that we are 'fakes' is your subjective opinion on it. I echo those here who have said that our emotions are genuine as we experience them. What we lack, is a solid axis within ourselves, and so we are open to the elements in terms of where are emotions go and what they do. We are emotionally very pliable, which is why we'd make good actresses. Don't forget that another possible reason for being good actresses is that we usually have intense empathy, more so than neurotypicals, and as such, we can put ourselves in the emotional mindsets of others. And we don't act 24/7. We can act to protect ourselves, our emotions if we need to, and even to protect others, or maybe, to hurt others. But, generally as a rule, I wear my heart on my sleeve actually. It's really much more complicated than saying we are genuine 24/7 or actors 24/7. The truth is not that simple.