I may have borderline traits.

Okay, I'm not gonna diagnose myself with any PD, that's a dangerous thing to do, just I can relate a lot to this personality to myself.

Well people with BPD have trouble with self image. Well yeah so do I, I mean I love myself to a narcissistic extreme to hating myself, I care about people to not caring, I crave affection to despising it, sometimes hours,minutes,days, my mind changes on this I'm confused. I mean just look at my posting history, my mind gets scattered with various thoughts every day. I don't know who I am, sometimes I don't even feel human, sometimes I feel too human, like I feel too much for others, damn it's confusing. Who's that guy in the mirror? He's not bad looking to being utterly hideous, and this is like from one extreme to the other in minutes.

Mood swings, yeah my moods change rapidly in minutes, suicidal ideation to wonderful optimism, anger,hate,happy,sad,envy, anger, hate, happy, sad, envy,anger,hate,happy,sad,envy. My moods get very influenced easily also, I once read in the papers about some guy who was punched and kicked by a group of youths, thinking about what happened to him brought an intense rage over on me, like a hate. I get anxiety out of nowhere, time to run and hide when that happens, especially when my hands are saturated in sweat.

Periods of paranoia, Yeah I go through fazes where I think people are out to stab me, don't trust anybody, when I'm stressed out. Sometimes thought there was hidden cameras in my other house where I lived.

I get empty feelings as well, I've had that for years.

Intense rage, like a brooding anger, gets so intense I have to break something to get a release, what's triggers this rage is being harshly criticized, sometimes memories in the past, various other things.

Black and white thinking, Yeah, you're either good or you're not, and I tend to hold grudges.

I'm impulsive, tend to change my goals in life from a day to day basis,tend to binge drink, periods of hyper-sexuality, binge on sweet foods

Things I don't do

Well I've never self harmed, don't see the point in that. I tend to smash things instead, sometimes I end up busting my knuckles, but my intentions not to hurt myself.

The abandonment thing, I'd say no to that also.

So I say I may have a few Borderlines traits, BPD perhaps not.

I won't bring this up when I see the therapist, I'll take notes of how my perceptions on everything change from a day to day basis, because unless I take notes I'll forget how I felt before, and then see how it goes from there.

Hi morning star,
You seem to know exactly what you are talking about. You should bring it up
to you psych or therapist. Don't Dx yourself. I would suggest working on Focus.
Be in the moment. Enjoy the moment. This really helped me. It helped me not worry
about the past or anything in the future.
Take notes and share them with your Dr.
Don't worry, and try not to be so hard on yourself. You don't have
to have all the answers.

peace to you.

Thanks SmallTalk, what I mean is I won't bring up that I think I may have Borderline traits, I will descibe how I act, see how it goes from there. If I tell the therapist I think I may have BPD or even traits of BPD It'll look like I want to diagnose myself with a disorder, something I don't want to do, and having BPD is certainly something I wouldn't want. But I will be honest with how I act, do I think I have BPD? probably not, but a few of the traits certainly.

The thing is I'm depressed also, depression and BPD a very similar, and you can have both, and of course it could even be sonething else. But no point second guessing or diagnosing myself, as that could them make me act more that way thinking I have a PD when I probably don't.

morning star,

I had the dx for it and didn't know because I also have major depression(recurrent).
Once I was stable and my depression and PTSD was under control, my therapist placed a packet in
my folder. I took it that they did not have the balls to tell me.

You have to work at it but it can be controlled.
I also was dx'd with a mood disorder DID they let me come to realise
it on my own. I would not have believed anyone if they told me.

When you are seeing your doc or therapist, don't waste time, tell them what
concerns you, or how you are feeling. Go in and do some work. It is not like
they are going to poke someone in the eye. jmho

SmallTalkRed wrote:morning star,

I had the dx for it and didn't know because I also have major depression(recurrent).
Once I was stable and my depression and PTSD was under control, my therapist placed a packet in
my folder. I took it that they did not have the balls to tell me.

You have to work at it but it can be controlled.
I also was dx'd with a mood disorder DID they let me come to realise
it on my own. I would not have believed anyone if they told me.

When you are seeing your doc or therapist, don't waste time, tell them what
concerns you, or how you are feeling. Go in and do some work. It is not like
they are going to poke someone in the eye. jmho

I'm definitely going to say how I feel, waste of time otherwise.

I don't think I should say I have traits of possibly a PD though, many shrinks don't like it when you diagnose yourself and will dismiss it.

I just say how I act, that fact I think I may have traits of BPD means I probably don't have BPD.