Do I have BPD?

I have a history of mental illness. Twelve years ago I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and obsessive compulsive disorder, I take Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Risperdal and Klonopin to regulate these issues. Over the last twelve years I have felt like there was something else wrong. Anytime I got relatively close to someone I would somehow sabatage the relationship so that it would be ended by me instead of them. I am always afraid of losing people in my life that are important to me. I desperately hang on and demand a lot of attention but most of the time this kind of behavior falls on deaf ears so to speak. Eventually people tire of it and leave me along. I have been in couseling several times in the last 12 years and I have asked whether I had a bpd but no one has given me a diagnosis. I feel different from other people. I feel that I am a bad person that deserves to be along. I cut myself to relieve the pain of being alone as well as seek attention from those who may see the cuts. I have had several friendships destroyed because of my neediness. I feel unloved and I hate myself a good part of the time. I am scheduled to go see my psychiatrist later this month and I am thinking that I will ask her if I have bpd. I guess it really doesn't matter because it can't be treated...so I have been told but I would just like to have a diagnosis so I will know what is wrong with me and know who I am. I don't know who I am. I am lost, confused, lonely and angry at times. I can never maintain relationships because of my neediness. I am jealous of others because the seem to get the attention that I so desire. I have come to the conclusion that I am a bad person that doesn't deserve love or relationships.

Yes, I tend to have a love/hate relationship with that person depending on what is going on. It can fluctuate anywhere from a few minutes to or a few hours. Otherwords I could go hours loving that person and then something happens than I hate that person. Or it could just be in minutes.

I also do things such as calling this person and letting it ring maybe once or twice and then hanging the phone up. If I don't get a email reply to an email that I sent I usually forward the same email to this person several times. Sometimes the person responds but most times they ignore. To get reassurance that they have read the email I will ask for a return receipt that they have read it. Of course that doesn't necessarily mean they read it but just opened it up. I think I try to do as much as possible to drive a person away from me before they leave me. So many people have left me and it hurts so much to be abandoned. I don't think I set out doing that but thinking about it afterwards I realize that I am trying to drive this person away. I really don't want to drive this person away but really desperately want their attention. I get jealous when this person gives someone else attention as well.