Why And how did you find out you had BPD?

I lived with my exbf for a year, the good times were amazing, but the usual BPD drama was horribly chaotic (he was undiagnosed but seemed to mostly fit the profile). As a result of our relationship my exbf went into therapy for the first time (he's in his late 30s), set up a psychiatric evaluation, and massively cut down on his long-term habits of smoking weed and gambling. Also, he wrote to me many times taking responsibility for his 'episodes'. Since our break-up he has - stopped therapy, missed his psychiatric eval, returned to his addictions, and is promiscuous. His lifestyle before he met me. This time he seems to have completely moved on from us whereas previous break-ups/storming out he was very persistant until we reunited.

I just don't understand why he stopped all his progress, and why he's moved on this time as opposed to other times? Why wasn't losing me a wake-up call for him and an incentive to continue with his progress to 'win' me back? The only woman he has wanted to marry. What or when or who is enough? What prompts someone to really get help/diagnosis?

Thank you and peace,
River

Hey, river! Welcome to the forum. You can't blame yourself for what your ex is doing. You tried to help and wake him up and you need to think of yourself now. You can offer to be his friend and give him support when he needs it, though. We can't really know why someone does this and doesn't look out for him or her self, but it's very sad that he isn't getting help any more.