Please help me

Hi. I am new to all this but am desperate for help. I think I have BPD and am currently seeking help...however I have one major concern that I can't really talk to anyone about because I feel ashamed.

I have always felt very attached to older women...all through my life I have felt this and there has always been one friend who I feel an unnatural attachment to. I am not a lesbian but the intensity of the feelings I have for the particular person could be related to that of a relationship.

My problem at the moment is I have had this friend for 4 years now and our friendship is affecting my life more and more. I need to know what she is doing all the time, where she is, who she is with etc etc and if I don't know i feel sick. She has recently met someone and I know I should feel happy for her but instead I feel intense jealousy and can't bear the thought of her being with him. If they are around me I can't stand it and unintentionally make my feelings known. I feel physically ill if she tells me she has been with him and I just feel that she has replaced me with him. It is ruining our friendship and I can't cope with the thought of not being friends with her.

I feel immature and very ashamed of my behaviour but I just can't deal with it.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Please help

Fee, 31

Hi, Fee! Welcome to the forum. Do you think it's possible that you are in love with this woman? I don't think you have to be gay for this to happen. If it's not the case, maybe she's some sort of mother figure for you and you're afraid of losing her. Maybe you didn't have a mother figure while you were growing up.

Thanks for your response Jasmin. I did have a mother figure growing up although i suppose I was never close. I am in crisis mode tonight...my friend has just called and said that unless things change she is going to withdraw from me and says I make her fel guilty and uncomfortable. I cannot imagine her not being there. She is my security...I feel helpless because I don't want to act the way I do but it's like another person takes over and I can't control how I feel or what I say etc. I feel absolutley gutted and rejected...

Fee wrote:Thanks for your response Jasmin. I did have a mother figure growing up although i suppose I was never close. I am in crisis mode tonight...my friend has just called and said that unless things change she is going to withdraw from me and says I make her fel guilty and uncomfortable. I cannot imagine her not being there. She is my security...I feel helpless because I don't want to act the way I do but it's like another person takes over and I can't control how I feel or what I say etc. I feel absolutley gutted and rejected...

Fee,
You have to feel that you can stand on your own 2 feet.
Yes you can choke a relationship to death. You should be proud of yourself for seeing the unhealthy attachtment and seeking help.
That is very strong of you. Do you know what unconditional love is? It means no matter what a person does, and she is not doing anything to you on purpose, she is just living her life. You cant be replaced and she is not going to try to replace you.

Just ease off a bit. Don't call for a couple days. Learn to amuse yourself. BPD is hard, but you can control it, sometimes your body
will betray you, but logically like now you know what is going on,
whatever is making cling to this woman if you love her, It will be ok. There is where you start working on you, and losing your
best friend is a good motivator, so you can work on the issues at hand.
No need to be ashamed, People don't just pop up with BPD.
You have to be really mistreated to have BPD. But the hurt and insecurity can be calmed down to a level that is bareable and not put you in crisis mode.

Love,
red