senior called me immature

by **jaus tail** » Tue Dec 31, 2024 10:21 am

we were having discussion on kids n how some families dont want kids
i said: even i'm not fond of kids as i dont want responsibility
my senior says: that means ur immature

i just want to punch him across the face for saying this.

I'd say it's the more mature reaction to be able to say "this is not for me" rather than just going with what is generally accepted as the standard thing of that generation, which was to marry, buy a house and have children- where I live that was standard anyhow.

I used to think I wanted children, but eventually I realised that I really don't- at the time I only wanted that because it was the accepted thing to do. I don't have the capacity to manage my own life well- my mind's now firmly made up that I have no wish to bring a child into that. I'll just be Aunty to my nieces and nephew.

Not everyone has had an upbringing that makes them confident they can be a good parent.

Ignore what they said. Every family gathering I get asked when I'm going to find someone and have children. These days I tell them I'm not. I'll just be Aunty- I'll spoil them and hand them back.

by **jaus tail** » Wed Jan 01, 2025 5:27 am

Every family gathering I get asked when I'm going to find someone and have children. These days I tell them I'm not. I'll just be Aunty- I'll spoil them and hand them back.

lol.. funny

Ignore what they said.

ignore, ignore, ignore -- this is what i have done my entire life.
ignore when i was abused
ignore when i would plead with mom i dont want to go out with him but mom didnt listen
ignore when neighbors mocked me
ignore when i would tell with mom i dont want to hang out with neighbors but she didnt listen
ignore when colleagues mocked me
ignore when mom would insist on going out every weekend (me working 5 days a week), but she didnt listen n i had to go
ignore when colleagues bullied me

i just want to die now. i tried therapy, psychiatrist but there is no healing. its been 11 years n i still think of past. get a new nightmare every second day. i just want to die.

by **lilyfairy** » Wed Jan 01, 2025 10:37 am

It's a lot of ignoring, I know. I'm sorry if that comment got to you- was not my intention.

But it's really the only thing I can do when they make those comments. I don't have either the wit to come up with something to counter them, nor the energy to give them a honest answer- the one that says "I'm too messed up for that and I don't want to inflict that on someone else". It's been easier for me to deflect it since my brother and sister both had their own kids in recent years, though it's maybe asked more frequently than before too.

jaus tail wrote:i just want to die now. i tried therapy, psychiatrist but there is no healing. its been 11 years n i still think of past. get a new nightmare every second day. i just want to die.

There's no easy "fix" for trauma. I've done some EMDR therapy, and it's taken some things off constant everyday repeat, but the effects are still there. Especially the effect of it on my body- I'm dealing with chronic illness as a result. For me these days, therapy is more week to week support for whatever comes up rather than trying to solve and fix the "big ticket" trauma items. I have more little breakthroughs in therapy these days than big ones. Trying to find ways to deal with some everyday things that have been overlooked in the past as not being important. The therapist I see spends less time on how something makes me feel, because I often don't know or understand what I feel, and more time on how it affects my everyday or what I do to deal with it. Took me a long time to find the therapist I have now- and the previous ones have had very different methods which just didn't help me. Have you considered seeking out therapy with someone different? Or are options limited?

by **jaus tail** » Wed Jan 01, 2025 12:22 pm

Code: Select all: It's a lot of ignoring, I know. I'm sorry if that comment got to you- was not my intention.

no.. i didnt get hurt by your comment. disappointment is toward mom, toward this society, toward my friend who told me: oh cant you take a joke... when i stood upto bullying

But it's really the only thing I can do when they make those comments. I don't have either the wit to come up with something to counter them,

same.. but i also realize its not my responsibility to come up with a witty answer. i go to work and not to entertain them.

nor the energy to give them a honest answer- the one that says "I'm too messed up for that and I don't want to inflict that on someone else". It's been easier for me to deflect it since my brother and sister both had their own kids in recent years, though it's maybe asked more frequently than before too.

jaus tail wrote:i just want to die now. i tried therapy, psychiatrist but there is no healing. its been 11 years n i still think of past. get a new nightmare every second day. i just want to die.
There's no easy "fix" for trauma. I've done some EMDR therapy, and it's taken some things off constant everyday repeat, but the effects are still there. Especially the effect of it on my body- I'm dealing with chronic illness as a result.

Sorry about that

For me these days, therapy is more week to week support for whatever comes up rather than trying to solve and fix the "big ticket" trauma items. I have more little breakthroughs in therapy these days than big ones. Trying to find ways to deal with some everyday things that have been overlooked in the past as not being important. The therapist I see spends less time on how something makes me feel, because I often don't know or understand what I feel, and more time on how it affects my everyday or what I do to deal with it. Took me a long time to find the therapist I have now- and the previous ones have had very different methods which just didn't help me. Have you considered seeking out therapy with someone different? Or are options limited?

went to four therapists n eventually they all say: we dont know what to say anymore...
i read countless articles on narcisstic abuse n they all say: some scar will always be there. there will never be 100% healing.
i'm 34 already. my entire life went to waste. i still hear him laughing at me or the way he slapped me when i was depressed n crying

by **lilyfairy** » Thu Jan 09, 2025 11:55 am

I had to go through a lot of therapists before I found the right people to be able to help me. Took me until number 13 till I found someone who knew what he was actually doing, rather than just telling me to try harder. I've found that people who specialise in trauma have been the most helpful. The next two I've dealt with were/are also realistic and helpful with trauma issues.

There will always be scars, but having the right people to help you process the trauma can make a big difference- I know it has to my level of everyday flashbacks I have. They're still there, but they're not constantly stuck on repeat every day anymore. Don't give upon trying to find help, your life is not wasted. Hugs.

by **jaus tail** » Fri Jan 10, 2025 4:26 am

I had to go through a lot of therapists before I found the right people to be able to help me. Took me until number 13 till I found someone who knew what he was actually doing, rather than just telling me to try harder. I've found that people who specialise in trauma have been the most helpful. The next two I've dealt with were/are also realistic and helpful with trauma issues.

isnt it tiring to tell the story to 13 therapists...

There will always be scars, but having the right people to help you process the trauma can make a big difference- I know it has to my level of everyday flashbacks I have. They're still there, but they're not constantly stuck on repeat every day anymore. Don't give upon trying to find help, your life is not wasted. Hugs.

yeah.. the scars never go. some residue will always be there. the wish that it all had never happened is always there.

by **Elvenstar** » Fri Jan 10, 2025 9:34 am

You cannot undo what happened, but you can heal the pain until it stops being a chronic agony and that is encouraging.

by **lilyfairy** » Fri Jan 10, 2025 11:11 am

jaus tail wrote:isnt it tiring to tell the story to 13 therapists...

Absolutely. Every one of them I dealt with I was hopeful they'd be able to help me. Many didn't know what they were doing, several had no clue at all, most should have referred me on to someone else when it became clear their approach wasn't working. Some I only saw for a handful of sessions. Options were limited at the time. When I did find the right people though, the difference in finally feeling heard was huge. Eventually I wrote out my "history" for the last few and presented it to them, telling them I was happy to answer questions but I'm not going through every item on that list. It became too traumatic. I'd encourage anyone seeing a therapist for the first time to write out their history to present to them. It's much easier than having to relive it all within a first session, and it's easy to forget important details when you're overwhelmed. If there were things I didn't want them to know right away, I'd have a second piece typed out to give to them when I was ready to.

jaus tail wrote:yeah.. the scars never go. some residue will always be there. the wish that it all had never happened is always there.

I think everyone who has been through any kind of trauma wishes that.

Elvenstar wrote:You cannot undo what happened, but you can heal the pain until it stops being a chronic agony and that is encouraging.

This is it exactly- trying to heal some of what happened so that you can cope with your everyday better. Doesn't mean it completely disappears, and there'll always be triggers to manage- it just doesn't get stuck on repeat all of the time. It becomes easier on your body too as you learn to deal with things better. Since working on some of my traumas I've had a significant reduction in headaches- I don't think I realised just how often they were there before.

by **Elvenstar** » Fri Jan 10, 2025 12:39 pm

lilyfairy wrote:Doesn't mean it completely disappears, and there'll always be triggers to manage- it just doesn't get stuck on repeat all of the time. It becomes easier on your body too as you learn to deal with things better. Since working on some of my traumas I've had a significant reduction in headaches- I don't think I realised just how often they were there before.

Well, I disagree about the "there will always be triggers to manage" because some people can recover without a single trigger left to manage. What I meant was that the memories of what happened remain and they come with the bitterweet reality that we will never have the happy past we would like to have had.

That being said, I agree with you in that it is completely okay to have leftover triggers that we need to manage all our lives. Some people will completely recover, most people will heal the worse parts and manage the small unhealed parts that are small enough to be manageable for the rest of their life without causing much of an issue. Just like with physical wounds. Some people can recover perfectly, others will have a sore spot or a slight limp or a walking stick for the rest of their life. And it's okay. We survived, we recovered the best we could, we keep an eye open for the new therapies that could help with the scars we are left with and we keep on living and we slowly learn to thrive.

senior called me immature

senior called me immature

ADVERTISEMENT

Re: senior called me immature

Re: senior called me immature

Re: senior called me immature

Re: senior called me immature

Re: senior called me immature

Re: senior called me immature

Re: senior called me immature

Re: senior called me immature

Re: senior called me immature

Who is online