Is dating destructive with BPD?

Everything in my life can be going well. I feel like my BPD is under control, I am making positive steps towards healing, I am taking care of myself; then boom. I meet a guy and everything starts spiraling.

The negative thoughts begin, I start obsessively comparing myself, slip back into my negative coping mechanisms, feel a frantic urge to either run or push him away…

It starts to become hard to tolerate myself. So I almost constantly put myself down to him, question why he says he won’t leave and how he hasn’t already, why he wouldn’t leave me for the next girl walking down the street, how he isn’t already tired of me; etc.

It’s like it doesn’t stop.

Thankfully, he is incredibly patient and handles my emotions delicately and positively reassures me, yet the thoughts are still there.

I am just concerned as to how long he will be able to handle it and how even if he stays around, it will impact our relationship long term.


I then begin to question if in order for me to have a semi-normal life, if I will need to just be single forever. Which is sad because I desperately crave the love and stability a healthy partner can bring into my life.

Help please.

I wonder the same thing. Litterally just got done destroying the only person ever made me happy in my life. I finally felt like i had purpose, and as soon as I actually accepted it could be good I blew everything up and said $#%^ i can't take back. I don't know which is worse anymore. Is it never finding hope, or is it having it only to have it taken away. prior to having it I would have argued at least I had a breif moment in my life where things felt like they could be good. However, now it's really bad because I know how good it could be. I would definitely make sure if you find that person you make sure they know and are willing to work with you on making sure they know how our brains work. I won't ever say not to go for it. That truely felt like there was a heaven for a breif moment. But stress got the best of me and I slowly felt affraid to say anything till it built up and I exploded. I told her everything always. Then because I couldn't or didn't feel comfortable talking it out, I got farther anxious about that, then I started beleiving stuff was happening that wasn't, and I burnt her out and destroyed her right when she needed me most. If I only knew this was what was going on with me. She thinks i was on drugs, have anger issues, and faked everything because in an angry blackout I said $#%^ i didn't mean. Then justified it, and then blamed her, then, took ownership, then told her I have BPD to which she thinks Im just that other person. I can tell you I didn't have an angry bone in my body and wasn't ever thinking anything bad about her. I would have done anything for her, but now I think too....Am I doing her a favor leaving her life? I love her so I shouldn't make her suffer because I want her in my life. I have no doubt she is better without me. So I don't know is the bottom line. I can tell you i will struggle with this question the rest of my life!!!!