i think i have bpd help

hi everyone, i'm 18 and for over a year i think i have bpd. after the very first confinement in 2020 I developed violent anxiety attacks, I was stressed every day and I no longer dared to leave my house. summer 2021, I started having mood swings, In a single day I could feel anxiety, fear, and sadness. Then there were days when I felt completely disconnected, I felt a void. I had trouble doing simple daily tasks and had dark thoughts. a few months later was added extreme anger. I started to feel disconnected from myself, as if I was dreaming. today i feel lost, I feel like I don´t know who I am or what I like. sometimes I probe "why am I here?" Where i meet people I get attached very quickly but end up often disappointed because I have the impression that it is only me who invest myself in a relationship.
I am also very sensitive, my moods are based on those others, i absorb all their emotions. I need to isolate sometimes because its too much. I have "triggers" such as people talking loudly, loud noises, when someone ignores me, when someone criticizes me (I take it very seriously even if it's a good intention), there are many other things but it would take a long time to explain everything. its triggers can make me feel angry, sad towards the person, I can also become very distant or give silent treatment. but i feel very guilty after. I love getting attention from others, but feel bad when they ignore me.
I just feel bored and numb all the time, and sometimes i feel like i'm crazy. I feel nothing but also everything at the same times it's very difficult to put words for it
I am afraid to bring the topic up because sometimes i say to myself “imagine you are faking it?” i know its stupid but it’s like that. sorry for the long text

Hi and welcome.

I think the covid lockdowns had a lot of people really struggling.

hanna53525 wrote:I am afraid to bring the topic up because sometimes i say to myself “imagine you are faking it?” i know its stupid but it’s like that. sorry for the long text

I don't think that's stupid. My train of thought when seeking help was not so much fearing being told I was faking it, but more it just being dismissed as nothing important or worth bothering with, regardless of how difficult it was to deal with.

Do you have a therapist or have you thought about seeking one out? Or any other support around you? What you're feeling is valid, and you're clearly struggling with it all. Hugs if you'd like some.

lilyfairy wrote:Hi and welcome.

I think the covid lockdowns had a lot of people really struggling.

hanna53525 wrote:I am afraid to bring the topic up because sometimes i say to myself “imagine you are faking it?” i know its stupid but it’s like that. sorry for the long text

I don't think that's stupid. My train of thought when seeking help was not so much fearing being told I was faking it, but more it just being dismissed as nothing important or worth bothering with, regardless of how difficult it was to deal with.

Do you have a therapist or have you thought about seeking one out? Or any other support around you? What you're feeling is valid, and you're clearly struggling with it all. Hugs if you'd like some.

First of all thank you for you answer (:
I'm looking for a therapist at the moment, otherwise I have my parents who "try" to understand me. But I don't think they know I'm feeling bad right now. I don't say anything because they don't understand and I don't like the feeling of not being understood. same for my friends, I keep everything for me. that's why I try to find a therapist quickly, I had a few before but they didn't suit me.
I want to be taken seriously about my mental health because I feel like those around me don't, I don't hate them on the contrary, but it's hard to tell people how you feel.
I struggle every day but no one notices anything

It's hard to explain to others what you feel when you can't quite work out what it is for yourself- or when it's so all over the place. I eventually found a few friends- mostly who I'd met through a therapy-type group who had been through similar things and I found that helpful. Some of us had very different disorders, but having people who understood being misunderstood, helped enormously. I gave up trying to explain to my family long ago. They know I have anxiety and depression and I've not elaborated further than that.

I hope you can find a therapist that fits. I've been through a lot that didn't, but once I did find people suitable, it made a world of difference for me. Would some kind of support group in the meantime help?