books to read to try to help myself

Hi all.
My diagnosis is mixed personality disorder mostly BPD,and I'm struggling by my own since 2015 year.
In last few weeks I have severe sucidical thoughts.e
I didn't get any help from ######6 shrinks,they just gave me stupid meds,and here in Bosnia there are not at all specialits for this damn stupid diagnosis,and only in Serbia and they charge damn too much for it,and I'm at the edge of loosing 4th job.
My diagnosis is comorbid with my 7 years struggle with insomnia,I can not sleep but even if I do only 3-4 hours.
I have been to hospital 4 times and only given pills to stop suicidal thoughts,I didn't had any single session because simply there is no shrink in whole country for this diagnosis,and were told that my prognosis is poor.
I wrote here just for someone to link me some damn books to help with this.
Any electronic pdf books are welcome,I know that is not a solution but just want to at least try to help by myself to myself since doctors don't give a ###$ about me.
I have mixture of avoidant,narscistic and borderline with derealizations when I have strong anxiety and don't sleep at all.
So please people give me some books to help with this sickness.
LInks to books are more then welcome.
I know there is no permament cure,I know where are my mistakes and life traps but just don't know how to correct them.
And even poor life,not well enough payed job that I don't like,insomnia,lack of friends,loss of will to life everything that makes my disorder stronger, and it is like a vicious struggle where each sickness feeds other and vice versa.
I had trauma in childhood,suffered with war,but my parents did not molested me,I was sadly overprotected as a child.

Hi there

There is a list of resources in this thread borderline-personality/topic13701.html that have been recommended by other users of the forum. Some books that are commonly recommended are The Buddha and the Borderline; I Hate You, Don't Leave Me; The Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills Workbook (McKay/Wood/Brantley); and Sometimes I Act Crazy.

People have mixed views on some of the books. A google search for "books for BPD" brings up some more current ones- I haven't personally checked those ones out. We can't link to the books here, nor can we really link to PDF's of them, but I've found a lot of books (not just BPD books) by searching their names and "PDF" and "free"- just be mindful of where you're downloading them from. I've also often found a lot of good quality second hand books via ebay too- often for a fraction of the price of a new one.

You might also like to check out https://dbtselfhelp.com/ It is a free website of DBT resources and exercises to work on.

frozensun wrote:I had trauma in childhood,suffered with war,but my parents did not molested me,I was sadly overprotected as a child.

I'm sorry that you have been those things. Trauma is not always sexual abuse- it can be a lot of other things- I wish more professionals would acknowledge this. My own trauma looks very different to most other people's.

While specialised BPD treatment is hard to find where you are, do you have any other support around you at all? I've found a therapist who specialises in trauma- we've not focused on anything personality disorder specific (I have AvPD with some BPD and DPD traits), but have done some trauma work with him, and it's helped me enormously. Is finding a therapist who can help with more trauma-related work and just what is happening day to day for you an option? Because trying to struggle through it all alone is a lot to be trying deal with.

Hope this helps- feel free to use the forum to vent/ask questions. Hugs if you'd like some.

Nope sorry.
I'm struggling without single day of needed psychotherapy.
Shrinks just told me that in whole country needed psychotherapy is not found.
I woke up with poor sleep again and suicidal thoughts are again here.
I think I have issue which I can recognize but dunno how to deal with it and that is regression.
I feel act like a young kid in my 42 years of age.
I do know why,I really had bad childhood.
Thx for books.

Sorry to hear you're out there without help.
Best book I ever read on BPD: 'Inside lives' by Margot Waddell. Loaned to me by a good psychologist, wish I'd photocopied the whole book.
Keep up the fight, it does get easier with time