How to make friends with my favourite person

I’ve never been diagnosed with BPD (or anything), by the way, but I do believe I may be on the BPD Spectrum.

So, not only do I not know how to make friends, even slightly, I can’t even understand social situations generally (I don’t have autism or Aspergers as far as I know). And every time I have tried to make friends they either think I’m crazy (because I misread things and have many quirks when I get anxious) or they misunderstand me from the beginning and never get to see the person underneath all the quirks and odd mannerisms like not making eye contact ever. Not to mention, I have no idea whether my driving instructor even likes me, the person who is currently my favourite person. He appears to be a genuinely nice person, very patient, listens well, makes me feel comfortable, etc, but that might just be good acting on his part or something. And for some reason, I rarely meet anyone that makes me feel comfortable. I can already speak to him as comfortably as I can to my friends and family, and then is such a rare occurrence it’s almost impossible. I will slowly, after meeting people like this (which is incredibly rare) become, over the course of a few days or a few weeks, more and more obsessed, the entire day gets taken up just daydreaming about them, I’ll want to talk to them constantly or have attention from them in some way, I’ll analyse practically every word they say and everything they do looking for signs of reciprocation (non-romantic, always just friends) which has never happened. It can get to the point where I don’t fell genuinely happy until I’m in their presence, like I get withdrawal-like symptoms when I’m not with them. I don’t read people very well and that makes the whole situation much worse. I’ll sometimes take on their personality (some select characteristics), start liking their hobbies, have been known to copy their clothes, etc.

I’ve never made friends easily and barely have any friends, and the ones I do have I still struggle to tell if they are my friends with 100% certainty, even my best friend who I’ve known for over a decade, and if I struggle with that you can see how meeting someone knew can get very confusing, especially when they are nice people and easy to get along with (they are unknowingly misleading which I don’t blame them for since they don’t realize).

Now, when I get in the car at the beginning of my driving lesson I try to talk to him, but because we only have between 5-10 minutes until we get to the place where I’m learning, I don’t have any time to really get into a proper conversation with him, and we end up just sitting in silence generally. I struggle to find a balance between asking too many questions and not asking enough, and with only a 5 minute window of opportunity I’m finding it very difficult. I try to think of conversation prompts but never write them down, since I don’t want to pull out a notebook just to start a conversation with him (or anyone) and I tend to have memory lapses in anxiety-inducing situations.

Another thing, I have a habit of asking them way too many questions about themselves (which I know most people find uncomfortable), and because I don’t want to creep them out I have learned to somewhat limit how much I ask and how often, but - any help here would be great please - I can’t tell whether me telling my driving instructor that I have read all his student reviews on the driving school’s website has made him uncomfortable with me (I can’t tell at all). He just said “oh, I didn’t realize you’d read all the reviews” but that could just be surprise rather than “erm...”, you know?

I’m 24, by the way, and Ian my instructor is 39 which I don’t feel is too old and we could become friends. He gives all his students his number to contact him with questions, etc, and I have to keep reminding myself to not message him constantly because I’ll just end up pissing him off as I can get very needy sometimes. I have found him on Facebook and am considering asking him if he’d find it okay to add him on Facebook (I don’t use social media much but it can help me to communicate things to him I struggle with during lessons). He has a girlfriend and, I think, kids (judging from Facebook), and since I have never had a girlfriend and don’t really have much of a life outside of work, it’ll make it harder to find common interests with him...

I obsessively go through conversations in my head, different ways in which I can get to know him to more of a friendship level without sounding needy.

So, can anyone give me any ideas? I really don’t want to stop driving lessons (when that day comes, though fortunately that’ll be many months yet) and never speak to or see him again. I want to get it to at last acquaintance status.

Thanks. ✌️

Reminds me of a colleague at my office. i worked at a place and this guy used to sit next to me in the adjacent row. we were in different departments so never spoke to each other apart from an introduction which he gave the day we met.

once i had a small banter with him n i imagined being best friends with him. since we were neighbors i'd often hear his conversation with his other colleagues. once he was discussing of going on some safari n i dreamed he'd ask me n we'd go together on some jungle safari like best buddies/bros. we'd have indiana jones level adventures.

later when we shifted to another floor, i sent him a funny goodbye email. he replied with positive comment n that was beginning of few sentimental emails that i sent him. i realize he must've been spooked eventually.

a few months later i left the firm. i stalked him on facebook once n found out even he's left the office.

regarding the silence till you reach the place where he teaches you how to drive, i dont think its your job to entertain him. besides some people prefer silence to small talk.

cant really advice whether you should be more friendly with him or not. its difficult to let go of such obsessive emotions.

you can ask him for his number or send him a facebook friend request. there's nothing awkward in that.

AquaGuy,
2 ideas, you do sound like high functioning autism to me. not looking at the eyes is a huge clue.
also, for the strong attachment to some people, look up "limerence."