Facing reality *TW*

I've always been alternating between moments of believing that in life I'm going to achieve something extraordinary (whatever it is at that exact moment) idolizing myself and then deep despair that I'm useless and deserve to die and that people would be better off without me. Now, I've been through dbt therapy and after that most of the impulses and unhealthy relationships in my life has decreased dramatically. I am forever thankful for dbt being created. But now to my problem.

I thought I was essentially "cured" from my disorder, starting to get my life together, having medication etc. and I sort of took it a little bit for granted and started to get overconfident. Recently I've noticed that I'm relapsing back into my old ways. I can't be bothered to take care of things, thinking nothing matters and so on. I've always had these dreams I thought would one day come true but now with my mental health getting worse and also because dbt only goes as far as trying to stabilize your life I am now scared that the amazing life I was going to have isn't going to happen. My goals and hopes was what drove me to stop having suicidal thoughts and now they are creeping up on me because of this fear.

Is the tedious monotone life the only way to live? Does my life matter even if I don't achieve my goals and dreams? I'm sorry, I really don't understand what I'm feeling but I guess what I'm asking is: How do you accept the fact that you're an insignificant individual in a world among billions of other people without wanting to kill yourself?

TheCaptain wrote:Is the tedious monotone life the only way to live? Does my life matter even if I don't achieve my goals and dreams? I'm sorry, I really don't understand what I'm feeling but I guess what I'm asking is: How do you accept the fact that you're an insignificant individual in a world among billions of other people without wanting to kill yourself?

i've sort of realized that we live our own world. this is only my opinion. i am insignificant in this world of billions, but in my world of 3 friends, i am significant. i share occassional jokes with them, share my emotions with them n vice versa n i've accepted that.

earlier i wanted to achieve super success. now i would like to be moderately successful while stay in touch with friends. earlier i wanted to give interviews n had dreams of being movie maker n achieve super stardom.

now i want a stable job, be in touch with my three friends n live a peaceful life in good health n food.

we make our own world with our loved ones--that's how i want to live.