erotic behavior in BPD

I was wondering if anyone could relate to this because I don't know if it's relevant enough to be a symptom to be included in my BPD or not so I'm just confused. I have severe social anxiety so I don't engage with anyone in person but online it's very different. It's a feeling of extreme impulsiveness to have some type of attention and it always comes down to being promiscuous but like I said, it's only online so I can keep control of the situation and keep myself anonymous if I want to. It's almost like someone else comes over me and makes me act incredibly sexual. I'll do anything to please the other person even if it makes me uncomfortable and I'll send photos of my body. It's all consensual but I just want to please the other person and feel wanted. But then when it's over I feel shame and guilt. And paranoia. Because that person isn't me and I don't act that way ever. But then I'll do it again and again once that feeling comes over me again. Can anyone relate to this? Because honestly if I didn't have such bad anxiety, I know I would be partaking in it in person.

sending pics online is risky. dont send any material online cause once something goes on the web it remains there forever.
even if you trust the other person, there are hackers who may access those pics. i know the chances are rare but better be very very safe.

I think this is quite common in BPD? I don’t have it myself but I can understand why people would. And even though I don’t have it, I do often freak out if my wife doesn’t want sex with me as it feels like she doesn’t want me anymore. Sex does make me feel wanted. I think sex is a big thing one way or another for a lot of people with BPD. But yeah I agree with Jaus that you should be careful sending photos.

It’s pretty common

@sadgirlx

I got into that behaviour pretty intensely last year. I don't think it was sexual from my side, I just needed the validation. I think it was mainly when my self esteem was down. I don't know if your behaviour is ritualistic but mine certainly was.

I would spend a good while taking pictures and I had my favourite sites that I would go on to and chat with strangers and send them. I would then get high and cut. Sometimes I would cut on Skype in front of a few people who were into that sort of thing.

I would feel embarrassed and ashamed afterwards which would lower my self esteem and repeat the entire process.

In a way, this is just another expression of addiction. Maybe it's the same for you? This subject comes up quite often is SAA.

You're not alone. I used to do that all the time. I'm not sure if it was out of impulse or something else? I liked being felt like I was worthy of someone's time and I liked having the attention. I would end up feeling ashamed and disgusted with myself afterward but kept doing it. In person, I'm not much of a sexual person. I think it's easier online because like you said, you can be anonymous or pretend to be someone else. I would say this kind of behavior is pretty common with people who have BPD

I can relate for sure. 2 years/1 year ago I would sleep with people just to idk... fill the void and feel wanted. During the sex I would always be dissociated though and just pleasing them without worrying about enjoying it myself.

sadgirlhours wrote:It's almost like someone else comes over me

Like a possession state? Have you had a formal evaluation of your dissociative symptoms? Sounds like that might be helpful.