Written off by my therapist

Hi All, thanks for reading. This is my first tine posting on here!

I’ve recently been feeling pretty low and wanted to reach out. I have been seeing a therapist for the past 9 monthly (weekly). I begun the therapy sessions as I was going through a period of quite severe depression. Over a few months my mood did improve (although I think that was largely due to upping my meds). A few months into treatment I asked my therapist whether I had BPD or NPD. My therapist responded by saying she’s not a psychiatrist and therefore unable to diagnose said conditions. I can’t remember exactly how the conversation progressed but ended with me being very upset at the idea of having a personality disorder. I suspect my therapist doubted how she’d handled the question (I was distraught when I left her office) as she reached out via email later that week to ‘acknowledge that the session had been hard.’ When I returned the following week I explained that I was upset because I thought she’d confirmed that I had a personality disorder. Her response... ‘I was worried you’d thought that.’ Huh?! I deduced from all of this that she suspected I did have BPD but didn’t think it would be helpful for me to label it. Since the event I’ve floated things by her to see whether she’d give me more e.g I asked her whether DBT would help me. She agreed that it would.

A lot of what I’ve discussed with my therapist over the 9 months if therapy have involved issues I have where I just ‘run away’ whenever I face conflict. This happens with work, friends and relationships. My therapist did acknowledge, on more than one occasion, that this might be something I play out in my relationship with her if she were to anger me. I was never sure whether my therapist was qualified to help clients with BPD. Her online Bio days she does - but it also says she helps with OCD clients (one of the main reasons I chose her) and she’s since told me she can’t help me with my OCD.

Three weeks ago I got angry/uncomfortable/annoyed with my therapist, so I sent her an email telling her I was finishing therapy. I was surprised when she responded back by saying ‘thanks for letting me know.’ Unexpectedly her response made me really upset. I couldn’t believe how little she cared. I guess I had secretly hoped that she would try and persuade to come back, and convince me that she could help me. I needed her to tell me that she could help, as I was reaching a point of despair. I spent just over a week stewing and my mood plummeted. I think therapy had given me hope and I lost that. I therefore made what was a very brave decision to go back to therapy. A part of me thought that maybe my therapist even knew me better than I knew myself and was expecting it.

After reaching out to my therapist she told me my session is no longer available. She did suggest that she might be able to find an hour slot in the next few weeks for a discussion, but there was no mention of her having availability for a recurring appointment. I’ve been feeling even more $#%^ since receiving her response. I know a lot of therapists hate borderline clients, so Ive concluded that my therapist is relieved to me shot of me. Even if that’s not the case I’m so upset that she wrote me off so quickly.

I guess I’m looking for words of support if anyone’s persevered through my dribble. Has anyone had any similar experiences?

X

I have had a few psychologists drop me as a client and a few who kept me on but were not the right sort to help me.

Clearly your psychologist was not a good fit for you and there was a clash in your personalities. In the long run its probably better that it's happened now.

The best advice I ever got was from one of my psychologists who said that you should never be afraid to shop around until you find the right one that you feel comfortable with to discuss anything without being dismissed such as your anxiety over if you have a PD or not. Psychologists are not allowed to diagnose patients but together you should be able to discuss what traits you feel are issues.

I found the perfect psychologist and because of the good fit, I am able to open up to him and my therapy is working more than it has ever before.

Keep shopping for the right psychologist and don't take it as a reflection on you that your ex psychologist wasn't the right fit.