Inability to be single

I’ve had lots of therapy and made good progress with my BPD but even though I sometimes panic about being cured, it’s obviously not the case because every time my wife and I have an argument I freak out what if she left me and then I’d have to kill myself. In the past I always had to have a partner and as soon as one left me I’d be on a dating site looking for another.

My wife and I have been together for 9 years and married for 2. I have BPD and OCD and she doesn’t really understand mental illness and gets angry with me a lot. But she has her own mental health problems and refuses to get any help. Often she takes her feelings out on me emotionally, which leaves me feeling rubbish. Lately we’ve been arguing a lot and she keeps saying things suggesting she might leave me. A day or so later she always apologises and says we’re fine and she won’t leave, but it always happens again. It got bad this weekend and I really thought she was going to leave. We made up and she acknowledged she was only saying that because of her issues. But when I thought she was going to leave, all I could think was how I’d have to kill myself.

It’s silly I know, because I have single friends and if they asked me if I thought they were worthless alone and needed a partner I’d say of course not. If a married friend was going to break up with their spouse I would say you can get through it, you don’t need a partner. But I can’t apply that to myself. I feel like there’s no point me living if I don’t have a partner. I feel worthless without someone to love me. My wife would never cheat on me or leave me but even if she did I feel I’d stay with her as I can’t bear the thought of being single.

How do I get over this? I think that most married people would worry if their partner left them, but I’m sure this must be the BPD because I don’t think most ‘normal’ people would immediately decide they need to commit suicide if their partner left them? I need a partner to validate me.

Thanks for all the advice.

I think it's normal for us to need someone to love us and hope that someone would accept us and validate us.
For you: let's stick with the facts.. sometimes your wife would lose her temper and may say things that she doesn't mean it.. give her space when she is upset.. let her cool down and she will still be around.

- when you are too upset, let yourself cool down too, don't do anything that you are going to regret yourself. sometimes we would feel so low that we feels like life is worthless.. but that's temporary. the painful feelings will pass and we will feel better

For her: it would be helpful to let her know that she can be mad or upset sometimes, but don't say that she is going to leave or what unless she is SERIOUS ABOUT IT..
because that would hurt you so much when she does.

Thanks for your advice I will give it a try.