How can I help my BPD daughter?

My daughter is 19 and is Borderline and Bipolar Type 1. I want to help her but I'm afraid to make her dependent on me.

Background: CYS removed her from my home when she was 17 because she had many violent attacks against her younger siblings, the last one involving a knife and my then 11 yr old. I signed the papers releasing custody to the state. She was placed in foster care and went off to college. She ceased all contact with us. Ended up dropping out of school. Developed a drug problem and was working as a stripper (possibly beyond that).
She showed up at my doorstep after her roommates kicked her out and she was homeless. She needed help. She was admitted to the psych hospital. She's been there a while now and they just extended her stay for another month involuntary.

She calls me multiple times a day saying she wants to move back home. She can't. She's violent and has psychotic episodes. She's now 19, I haven't had contact with her in 2 years, and now she wants to come home. They found her a half way house to live in after she's released. She doesn't want to go.

Living with her was like being stuck in a dark, humid, hot, stuffy, smoke filled room. I felt trapped. She's my baby though and I did everything I could to help her. She hated me! Then when they took her it was like the door cracked open. I could leave that dark room that I lived in with her. It was the most painful decision I ever made but I had to protect the younger kids. I felt so guilty after she left, being able to leave that dark room. As much as I missed her, our lives improved greatly the last two years! And now she's back. She wants me to be in that room with her again and I can't do it. I won't do it. I feel like I'm standing in the hallway outside the room trying to lure her out.

How can I help her? She calls about 10 times a day from the hospital. I only answer twice a day. Once in the morning, once in the evening. She has no one in her life. She's burned every bridge. Destroyed every relationship. I'm the only one left that will even answer her calls.

How do I support her to get healthy, take her meds, and accept her mental health issues while maintaining the distance I need for my own sanity? I can't go back to the way things were, being a prisoner in my own home, locking up kitchen knives and bottles of asprin, making sure she's safe at all times. I can't go back to that. Everytime she asks to move home and I say no it breaks my heart.

I'm open to any and all advice. She's my baby girl but I feel hopeless when it comes to helping her.

at first even i was scared of living alone. once i even returned home from a uni in germany.
it was like i'd start acting like a baby.
but now i'm alone n away from my family. it has helped me. yeah it took a few weeks to adjust. lots of crying. i still feel miserable at times but its not as bad.

i think i'm doing better now. i hope the doctors can help her. i'm sorry i dont have any constructive advice for you. i've gotten online volutneer work for a magazine and that has boosted my confidence. if you could get her some work/job, that'd be great.

I appreciate the response! Before going into the hospital she was spending most of her time alone. I did encourage her to find a part time job or volunteer work just for something to do. She was in a deep depression and wouldn't consider it.

A few days ago they changed her diagnosis from bipolar to schizo. I don't know if she still has the BPD diagnosis or not.

I know it can be hard for BPD to live on their own sometimes and I hope you're doing well with it!

I thank you for taking the time to answer!

You're welcome. Living with bpd is very difficult. N people don't understand mental illness easily as it's not visible and many people just say 'get over it'.

i was super unstable a few years ago. very impulsive. thoughts all over the place. having a volunteer work for magazine gave me some anchor in life. it doesnt pay but it feels good to reply emails directed at me.

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. It must have been extremely hard to make the decision you did.

I would say something to reassure her that this doesn't mean you won't ever be in her life. It doesn't mean you'll be absent or disappear. You'll still be there to visit and to talk to her and see how she's doing. It's time for her to live on her own (and I recommend explaining why, in honest but not harsh terms) but that doesn't mean you're abandoning her. Just reassure her of how much you love her and how you're still there for her even if you're not living in the same house. That might ease the blow of her feelings of rejection/abandonment she is probably feeling, and might help her more towards acceptance.