Friendships

I’m starting to think I just can’t have any close friendships.

I get obsessed with people so easily.

I had two favourite people who both left, then got too attached to my boss. After all that I thought I was getting stable but recently I became friends with someone then had to pull away as I knew I was going to get obsessed and make her into a new FP.

I’ve had another friend for a while and thought it was healthy enough, she’s really sensible and knows how to act with me to make things ok. But the other day I had to come home sick from work because I was convinced she hated me and was going to leave. We made up, I had imagined the whole thing. And thought I was ok- she said it was probably because of the other obsessions. But we were chatting earlier and she’s stopped replying and now I feel like she hates me again. I never used to be like this with her and now I’m panicking. I don’t want her to be my FP, I don’t want her to leave, I don’t want to have to back away. I feel like I need to talk to someone but the only people I can think of to talk to are people I have to be a bit careful with as I feel there is the potential for me to become obsessive.

I feel really upset about all this. Can I just not have friendships anymore?

everyone can have friendships. but there is boundary for all friendships and this boudary is different.
with some people there is casual friendship where u indulge in small talk.
some people like deep friendship where they talk of deep issues like purpose of life etc

i dont think ur friend wants to leave you. maybe she was tired n so didnt reply. or maybe her mobile had no battery.

the harsh truth is eventually everyone leaves. there are no permanent relations. people leave. either they move out or they pass away. i myself cry when a slight change occurs in my environment. when a colleague was leaving in office, i'd get sad even though i barely spoke with the colleague.

it gets easy for some people because they have many friends n stable family so its like they have a backup friend already in store when someone leaves.

saying goodbye isnt easy.

Don't try to have an "FP". Just learn to be content with yourself and no attachments. People will come to you when you learn how to do that.

i bear ya.
And lemme tell u what I have painfully come to realise..
If I want good friends I must be a good friend. Now this to me doesn’t mean just being friendly. It means to me to be interested in other people’s lives. And here’s the rub.we naturally are scared of abandonment. Relationships are our biggest triggers. But nevertheless that’s the challenge I’m facing right now. I’ve stomped through life being friendly alright, pleasing and placating others, but I’ve never found myself being interested in others lives without feeling like I’m pryong... or worse being called nosey and a nuisance( hello; trigger for me here)
And we all have God given talents on what we use to keep a relationship going strong. Ive yet to find mine but I’m still a relationship virgin. Just learning to dodge the bullets it a start!

Honestly you’ll make it. I’m even starting to believe in myself and if I can anyone can
X

I find it hard to make friends and stay friends I’ve lost so many over the years and now that I’ve been diagnosed with BPD I feel as if everyone is leaving me I’ve got no friends I feel so sad and angry all the time I wish someone could just chat to me.

I’m concerned that maybe I don’t care about other people, just myself. I feel like a terrible person. But I find it hard to hear about other people’s lives without feeling empty.