BPD Lows

Hi,

Do many of you on here suffer from lows with BPD? To the point where you quit your job, and just stay inside or do very little for days at a time? Even with proper medication? This seems to be a circle affect that happens to me every few months. But I always need to QUIT EVERYTHING when this happens.

L.

Hi.
I have periods where I'll become very depressed and thus also very inactive. It seems impossible to get out of bed, there's nothing to wake up to, no reason to get dressed and get going. Everything seems meaningless and boring and grey. I like to consider these periods the opposite of my periods with intense emotional chaos. When I'm having a low period, I feel nothing, I feel empty, lonely, depressed, bored. Everything just seems covered in a depressing, grey tone.
Taking a step back and viewing my situation from another perspective, another low might be considered the times when I'm put into rehab/admitted to inpatient. During this roughly half year into 2018, it's happened 2x. first in january, which is a period I'll consider the kind of low where I became inactive. But mostly, I was sent to hospital because I couldnøt no longer take care of myself. I had gotten underweight bcause of food restriction and I hadn't taken my antibiotics against pneumonia. I tried everything to make myself sick. During the whole inpatient stay, I worried for the day I'd be sent back home since I knew I'd go straight back to my old pattern with lying in bed all day, being inactive, feeling depressed and probably start restricting again (which of course reinforces the inactiveness ue to physical exhaustion).
What exactly do you mean by BPD lows? Is it the point of time where everything just goes lost, you have to quit your job, you can't be among people, probably need rehab etc. Or is it those moodswing related lows where you just feel like nothing matters anymore and there's nothing that you want to do? Sorry to hear that it affects you so much you have to quit everything. When you've quit everything, what do you do in a day then? Stay at home, lie in bed? And what's the reason you need to quit? Is it because of exhaustion, stress, etc., or because you're so down you can't even get up in the morning anymore? Are you having such a low right now? Best regards, cirkusrat.

Thank you for your reply.

To answer your questions, its just a really low mood. I start to think thoughts like this is never going to change, and this happens i would say twice a year for me. I have never been hospitalized and I have never committed any acts of self harm. I just get really exhausted, to be honest its usually because when i feel i am making progress I usually take on too much. I am working on acceptance and I am in therapy but as you know its a long road.

When I get like this, (Low) I workout. I try to run about 5-8k and do yoga, i do meal prep and usually just eat healthy and watch netflicks and see my gfs when i have the energy.

The problem I am having today - I have been an athlete for 14 years, sometimes i get fatigue. The past two years I have been training - running, weights and yoga 5-6 days a week. I have taken the odd few 3-4 days off but its not cutting it. I also have fibroymalgia and with this weather it can be hard. But when I cant workout its so hard for me..

But these lows, they are hard as well long story short i did work my ass off in college, then university to get my dream role but i had to resign after 3 years. My brain is still there, and i still love that industry and yes i did workout this much when i was working also.

The more i am reading, these ups and downs are pretty normal especially when you take on too much.

Hey, no problem, that's why we're here, right? To show support and show others eachother we're not alone
When you say this happens about 2x/year for you...Do you mean these low thoughts are permanent for weeks? Because, personally, I might get those kind of thoughts (really low thoughts, low mood) every day. I call it mood swings. My mood can change within minutes, almost within seconds. And I've got some points of time every day where I'm feeling very low. Do you experience such mood swings too? I mean, those more "frequent" lows that happen often but last shorter than those "heavy lows" that happen 2x/year approximately and last probably for several weeks?
I'm glad to hear you manage to live with BPD without engaging in self harm, and that youo made it so far without need for hospitalization. Keep on fighting. Seems you have yourself soe really healthy and effective coping mechanisms like working out. Respect, that's really a lot of exercise. Especially since you also did this while working.
But of course, nothing lasts forever and we haven't got unlimited amounts of energy/power. Though, I understand that it's frustrating to be in your situation, because your exercise is what keeps you up, it's your surviving method, you anchor. Even reducing it just a little will be a big difference which it takes time to get used to. And as it seems, you don't always have a choice due to your fibroymalgia. Im sorry to hear about that Have you ever experienced that something other than working out can help ease your symptoms and get you through the day and make you overcome the lows? For me, I like reading, writing, music, being creative, etc. besides my daily/weekly exercise. The reason why I'm asking is to find out whether you have a "substitue" you can turn to on those days where you can't work out.
I don't know if this helped at all, just wishing you the best and keep on going. Love, cirkusrat.

Thank you for your reply. To answer your question, I have many ups and downs throughout a day and i am on a mood stabilizer so I dont decide to join the army one day or move to another country. My daily highs and lows are different than my lows, my lows come and last for a week or two and they complete this circle i have. My Psychiatrist says there is nothing anyone can do, I need to accept it. I just get so challenged by this as even with me working part time I need to take another step back.

I have been doing some reading and it seems that several mood disorders/ personality disorders have this cycling effect and for some people it never ends. I have heard people comparing BPD to cancer, as it never really truly goes away. And in this situation, it makes sense.

I have tried meditation as it helps, but only when I am calm. I am awful at art, but maybe I could sign up for a class thank you for your advice.

Msyoga302 wrote:Thank you for your reply. To answer your question, I have many ups and downs throughout a day and i am on a mood stabilizer so I dont decide to join the army one day or move to another country. My daily highs and lows are different than my lows, my lows come and last for a week or two and they complete this circle i have. My Psychiatrist says there is nothing anyone can do, I need to accept it. I just get so challenged by this as even with me working part time I need to take another step back.

I have been doing some reading and it seems that several mood disorders/ personality disorders have this cycling effect and for some people it never ends. I have heard people comparing BPD to cancer, as it never really truly goes away. And in this situation, it makes sense.

I have tried meditation as it helps, but only when I am calm. I am awful at art, but maybe I could sign up for a class thank you for your advice.

Hey, you're welcome. OK, I've heard about those mood stabilizers, when I was in inpatient they said that I might have to take them too one day. But they couldn't do it straight away since I was on another medication back then. do they help you, and in which way? Like, do your daily ups/downs or mood swings seem less extreme? Or happen less often?

Till now I hadn't heard about this cycle. I was more focused on this cycle of daily mood swings. And of course the cycle where you have periods where you might be doing fine for a couple of weeks, then a bit later you're really bad and then one, two or more weeks later you're back on track feeling okay again. I like to say, if someone asks me how I'm doing, "well, it goes up and down". Some days are ok, some even great, others just hard as hell. It can be good to read about one's mental disorder. It can be helpful in the process of understanding and acknowledging one's mental condition, both for the sufferer him/herself and the people close to him/her. And the more insight, the better chance to recover, I think...

But you and you're psychiatrist are probably right, there might not be so much to do against this cycle...thus, the cancer comparison might be true. It does seem disencouraging and one might feel terribly frustrated and hopeless and feel like giving up. I've often heard people say, Borderline doesn't go away, ever. It can't be cured, but you can learn to live with it. It's about developing coping mechanisms and insight. And I believe that's true. So my advice for you is to think n terms of coping. What can you do to overcome these lows that come in cycles? You can work out. And on days where you aren't able to work out, what can you turn to then in order to make time pass and get through the day? Think about it. aybe find a new hobby, try something you haen't tried before.
Also, I was thinking about what your social situation looks like. Have you got a big network? Good and loving people around you? And do they know about your disorder? Because having a solid social network is important, really important, actually. Like a security net that can catch you when those lows hit. And know what to do and how to help you. And your (part time) job, is it something you like doing? Do you like your colleagues?

Great to hear you already took the first step by trying out meditation. You do yoga too, don't you? Isn't this pretty close to meditation/mindfulness? Try to find something that can make you relax. And try to find something where you can express your emotions. Even if they're really dark and low. And even if all you're feeling is emptiness. It's still a feeling.
Also, maybe try making a daily schedule for yourself. A plan where you write down what to do in a day. So that you have a structure to follow and something to rely on and a reason to get out of bed. Really important especially during lows that tend to make us inactive and passive.
Hope I was able to help. Love, cirkusrat.