BPD and NPD anyone?

Is anyone here diagnosed bpd and npd?
I’m really beginning to think I am partly in denial of also being NPD. But at the same time, I’m not sure awareness is a good thing.
I think I am also NPD or have traits at the least. I think what happens with me is in any phase of my life either my bpd or npd dominates... its complex though, I don’t really understand it.
There are several things that bother me.
1) I don’t believe I lack empathy. However, I do think I know better than other people. I often judge people and can tell exactly what they’re thinking and feeling. And sometimes I make a judgement about them based on this and automatically hate them because I can see selfish and nasty characteristics in them. But, I am usually right... I am rarely EVER wrong about people. I can read people incredibly easily. But, I am also a very caring, loving person. Sometimes over caring. I give too much of myself.

2) I don’t believe I am exploitative. I wouldn’t want to sh*t on other people to achieve my own desires and meet my own needs.

But I do identify with other unhealthy narcissistic traits.i won’t go into them as I don’t want this post to be too long.

On that npi test I score 34/40. Now I didn’t really think that was shocking. I thought most people would probably score that. Until I showed a couple of people I know. The lowest score was 8. The highest was 18 and I thought, they must be lying. They all seem more narcissistic than me! lol I think one of them was lying. But when I thought about the questions I saw how they were most likely being honest.

I have been in emotional turmoil for hours this evening. And for some reason I wandered into the npd forum and all of a sudden I calmed down. It all went back in. I now just feel numb.
For some reason unknown to me, I find a little bit of comfort in thinking I am a narcissist whilst at the same time being mildly horrified and disturbed.
I have been losing it this evening. Losing it. Badly.

If I’m a narc does that mean I’m a bad person? I’ve never intentionally hurt ANYBODY in my life. It’s not in my character. I hate the thought of others hurting. Except in my rages towards the man that so very badly abused me for example. But he was one. And he would sh*t on anyone to cover his own back. He would make a persons life a living hell if it meant he looked good, I’m not like him.
Can narcs be nice? Lol
I’m also paranoid that I have been diagnosed with npd as well and they just haven’t told me.

star dust wrote:If I’m a narc does that mean I’m a bad person?

Not if being a borderline doesn't.

star dust wrote:I.


On that npi test I score 34/40. Now I didn’t really think that was shocking. I thought most people would probably score that. Until I showed a couple of people I know. The lowest score was 8. The highest was 18 and I thought, they must be lying. They all seem more narcissistic than me! lol I think one of them was lying. But when I thought about the questions I saw how they were most likely being honest.

I

i don't want to upset you but honestly whenever read that test i wonder the exact opposite. how people answer so high ,if i read the questions and answers ,i can see what is the narcissistic answer and they are so delusionsal.or crazy.(unless maybe if they are famous or rich but still stuck up)
i always wonder that .i used to see in the forum people answer 34 and highter and thought WTF

Sakura, she's feeling suicidal. You might not want to answer her like that.

well i am feeling suicidal too you shouldn't answer me like that

pamelaperejil wrote:

star dust wrote:If I’m a narc does that mean I’m a bad person?

Not if being a borderline doesn't.

I guess . I just see so much horrible stuff about NPD. And I have been abused by 2 people who have it... possibly more actually...
to think I am too makes me feel I am like them. But I’m not like them. I really am not.

sakura1 wrote:

star dust wrote:I.


On that npi test I score 34/40. Now I didn’t really think that was shocking. I thought most people would probably score that. Until I showed a couple of people I know. The lowest score was 8. The highest was 18 and I thought, they must be lying. They all seem more narcissistic than me! lol I think one of them was lying. But when I thought about the questions I saw how they were most likely being honest.

I

i don't want to upset you but honestly whenever read that test i wonder the exact opposite. how people answer so high ,if i read the questions and answers ,i can see what is the narcissistic answer and they are so delusionsal.or crazy.(unless maybe if they are famous or rich but still stuck up)
i always wonder that .i used to see in the forum people answer 34 and highter and thought WTF

Oh god it’s true isn’t it... hahaha or maybe not?
Thing is, test says to pick the one you feel is most important if you feel both equally or can’t choose between the two. For example ‘success doesn’t mean that much to me’ vs ‘I will be a success’. Well everyone wants to be a success don’t they?
I don’t know if I will be a success, probably not. But that fits me better than success doesn’t mean that much to me, cause I want to be a success.
It’s like that on quite a few of the questions. It’s obviously not a great indicator of whether you have npd or not but the fact I score so high whilst others don’t seem to shows perhaps there is something potentially unhealthy going on there.
Oh dear...

sakura1 wrote:if i read the questions and answers ,i can see what is the narcissistic answer and they are so delusionsal.or crazy.(unless maybe if they are famous or rich but still stuck up)
i always wonder that .i used to see in the forum people answer 34 and highter and thought WTF

I find that really interesting. The thing is though... is everything that is potential ‘narcissism’ delusional?
So let’s say that you do ‘have a talent for influencing people’ for example. Because you believe that about yourself that counts as one point on this particular scale.
But what if you do? That’s not always unhealthy is it? Just because you have a natural talent for influencing people it doesn’t mean that you will exploit them for personal gain.
I would say I can be good (at times) at influencing people. But that’s a skill right? One that’s very useful for many things, sales for example.
I suppose it’s whether the ‘narcissism’ is healthy or unhealthy. Because I believe narcissism can be healthy. I guess it’s when you believe you’re better than everyone and therefore have a higher sense of entitlement because of that that it becomes unhealthy.
But I think it’s a really fine line. If you are very intelligent for example, therefore you would be serving humanity better to be in a position that uses that intelligence surely? Doesn’t mean you think you’re better than other people...
If a person doesn’t believe in themselves that also affects their ability to achieve their potential.
What great minds, philosophers and artists might be lost if those people did not believe in themselves.
I guess the ego just has to get right out the way completely.

You know, someone might be labelled a narcissist if they believe they’re clever, talented etc but don’t have achievements to back it up but what if they are they just don’t have those achievements due to other issues... then anyone who doesn’t have achievements that fit their beliefs about themselves is a narcissist? That’s how it seems to be to me. And I think that’s wrong.

-- Mon Jul 23, 2018 2:12 pm --

So no one here is bpd and npd then?
I wanted to find out more about how they coexist together.

Not sure if this is a useful answer, but from the psychodynamic perspective they can't co-occur.
If one is diagnosed using only symptom-lists (DSM f.e.) you can be diagnosed with a lot of stuff of course because of symptom overlap; you could for example have BPD and use a lot of narcissistic defense mechanisms, which would score you high on both BPD and NPD lists. A depth-oriented therapist won't really care about such though, for initial screening its more relevant what the basic themes and conflicts are - here NPD and BPD are usually quite converse.

Akuma wrote:Not sure if this is a useful answer, but from the psychodynamic perspective they can't co-occur.
If one is diagnosed using only symptom-lists (DSM f.e.) you can be diagnosed with a lot of stuff of course because of symptom overlap; you could for example have BPD and use a lot of narcissistic defense mechanisms, which would score you high on both BPD and NPD lists. A depth-oriented therapist won't really care about such though, for initial screening its more relevant what the basic themes and conflicts are - here NPD and BPD are usually quite converse.

I know next to nothing of psychodynamics and Freudian psychology.
So can you elaborate?
Are you saying that the basic themes and conflicts of bpd and npd are extremely different so for that reason they can not truly coexist? Why can’t they? How and why? I’m just interested to know.
Are they really that different that a person can not suffer both equally severely?
So yes with symptom lists, a person could experience enough symptoms of both severely enough to fulfil both criteria in the dsm. So how does psychodynamic theory say that they can’t coexist if both those sets of symptoms are affecting ones life with equal severity?
I believe in every true narcissist lies tremendous deep insecurity and npd itself is a way the personality develops to overcompensate for and protect the person from the deep seeded shame that the person experiencing it can not face. They might not be consciously aware of it. But it’s there. And then throw certain other environmental factors in childhood into that and... hello npd.
When does unhealthy narcissism become npd? Is there a significant difference between someone who has unhealthily high levels of narcissism and someone who has full blown npd? Is there a line? Are they different? If so, how? And, why then can’t bpd co-occur with it in some? If the symptoms of both bpd and npd are affecting ones life equally severely, surely, if you believe in labelling and diagnosis, they have both.

That said. What you said does sort of make sense to me. I don’t think I can be a true narcissist. A true narcissist would not have covered for my abusive ex in the way that I did. (Unless what I said about either bpd or npd being the more dominant at any given point and because of the circumstances my bpd and my fear of abandonment was greater... but then does that mean that bpd is the main issue, because someone who is truly npd would not react this way.)
A narcissist wouldn’t have let him get away with and treat me the way he did. But would they? I believe he is npd and bpd, with npd in this particular relationship being the more dominant. But given the right circumstances I could see him behaving exactly as I did, and bpd being more dominant.

Or sometimes I think, we were both narcissists and we stayed together for so long because it was a competition of who could manipulate the other one and have the last laugh. He completely controlled me with fear and physical abuse but I did manipulate him also. Even though he was completely dominating me I saw him as extremely weak and I purposely exploited those weaknesses. But I think a lot of that was survival because of the situation. I ultimately used it in order to get away in the end.
Maybe us humans are so complex that really and truly no ‘labels’ can fit any of us. I believe neurology, psychology and psychiatry still have a long way to go.