do the identity issues ever do

i'm tired of it. its like i'm a chameleon n i want to peel off my skin at times. like i know i'm pretending n some voice has taken over.
it's not DID, but its like i am in the backseat n someone else has taken over my body n my thoughts, body language it all changes.

Can I ask you how your identity issues display themselves? Like, is it your goals/ambitions/dreams changing, or the person you want to be, or the things you say, or the way you act towards others and communicate with other people? I don't know if this can be considered an identity issue, but I often find myself wondering how I should act in a given social situation. Like, "which type of person should I pretend to be now?" "What do I want them to think of me?" etc.

jaus tail wrote:i'm tired of it. its like i'm a chameleon n i want to peel off my skin at times. like i know i'm pretending n some voice has taken over.
it's not DID, but its like i am in the backseat n someone else has taken over my body n my thoughts, body language it all changes.

Sorry to hear your struggling, jaus. I know sometimes it's hard to keep going. Hope you can find peace.

cirkusrat wrote:Can I ask you how your identity issues display themselves? Like, is it your goals/ambitions/dreams changing, or the person you want to be, or the things you say, or the way you act towards others and communicate with other people? I don't know if this can be considered an identity issue, but I often find myself wondering how I should act in a given social situation. Like, "which type of person should I pretend to be now?" "What do I want them to think of me?" etc.

the goals change. like i saw fifa world cup n i became ambitious. the next day i want a relaxed job.

even the way i act towards others changes. it happens subconsciously. its like mystic from x men. i just end up pretending to be someone else n then later i realize i was this person.

jaus tail wrote:i'm tired of it. its like i'm a chameleon n i want to peel off my skin at times. like i know i'm pretending n some voice has taken over.
it's not DID, but its like i am in the backseat n someone else has taken over my body n my thoughts, body language it all changes.

pamelaperejil wrote:Sorry to hear your struggling, jaus. I know sometimes it's hard to keep going. Hope you can find peace.

yeah. one way to reduce identity issue is to not watch fiction. its mostly if i see someone i end up acting like that person. if i see animal planet i'm relatively consistent.

jaus tail wrote:

cirkusrat wrote:Can I ask you how your identity issues display themselves? Like, is it your goals/ambitions/dreams changing, or the person you want to be, or the things you say, or the way you act towards others and communicate with other people? I don't know if this can be considered an identity issue, but I often find myself wondering how I should act in a given social situation. Like, "which type of person should I pretend to be now?" "What do I want them to think of me?" etc.

the goals change. like i saw fifa world cup n i became ambitious. the next day i want a relaxed job.

even the way i act towards others changes. it happens subconsciously. its like mystic from x men. i just end up pretending to be someone else n then later i realize i was this person.

I understand this must be frustrating... I know those issues myself, I can relate to watching something e.g. on TV and becoming very caught up and wanting to become pro at something. For me, this often happens if I watch for example talent shows or programs about specific carreers etc. It may even happen if I see or hear about a person that I find very inspiring. Then I basically want to be that person. And since I was little I've had that experience everytime after watching the Olympics. Suddenly I just had to become an elite athlete *well sure I'll just start the training tomorrow, right*

Seems like the problem is we need a stable "core identity"... Our identities aren't stable enough, and we're having trouble creating our on identity, we're feeling empty and don't know who we're supposed to be, so we seek "inspiration" (not quite the right word here I guess) from others and copy them because we can't figure out ourselves who we are...

Also, I often experience that I'm a different person around different people. It's like I have a mask or costume for every situation, like you mention it happens subconsciously... My facial expression looks a certain way, my voice has a certain sound, I speak in a certain way, my body language is a certain way, etc., depending on who I'm around/which situation I'm in.

And one more thing: I often adjust to people around me, which means that when I'm with certain persons, I have to match their values and opinions and I can't express my own opinions. I copy theirs and agree with everything they say, dislike the things they do etc. For example, when I'm with a girl from my old class, I can't talk about things like parties and stuff, and I can't tell her that I smoke, and back in the days at school I couldn't talk to her about the parties at school because she wasn't the partying type of person etc.

I understand this must be frustrating... I know those issues myself, I can relate to watching something e.g. on TV and becoming very caught up and wanting to become pro at something. For me, this often happens if I watch for example talent shows or programs about specific carreers etc. It may even happen if I see or hear about a person that I find very inspiring. Then I basically want to be that person. And since I was little I've had that experience everytime after watching the Olympics. Suddenly I just had to become an elite athlete *well sure I'll just start the training tomorrow, right*

yes exactly. like i saw the fifa world cup n i got ambitious n wanted to do something with my career. then i see my cousin living a relaxed life as a teacher n i want that job.

Seems like the problem is we need a stable "core identity"... Our identities aren't stable enough, and we're having trouble creating our on identity, we're feeling empty and don't know who we're supposed to be, so we seek "inspiration" (not quite the right word here I guess) from others and copy them because we can't figure out ourselves who we are...

yes. searching for some anchor. some absolute to anchor myself to.

Also, I often experience that I'm a different person around different people. It's like I have a mask or costume for every situation, like you mention it happens subconsciously... My facial expression looks a certain way, my voice has a certain sound, I speak in a certain way, my body language is a certain way, etc., depending on who I'm around/which situation I'm in.

true. i dont have any stand or any set of beliefs.

And one more thing: I often adjust to people around me, which means that when I'm with certain persons, I have to match their values and opinions and I can't express my own opinions. I copy theirs and agree with everything they say, dislike the things they do etc. For example, when I'm with a girl from my old class, I can't talk about things like parties and stuff, and I can't tell her that I smoke, and back in the days at school I couldn't talk to her about the parties at school because she wasn't the partying type of person etc.

i think if i am talking with this person n agreeing with them then i am betraying another set of beliefs.

its exhausting n very confusing for myself n for others n id ont really have a fixed stable self, aspirations or anything. everything changes the moment i change the tv channel.

yes exactly. like i saw the fifa world cup n i got ambitious n wanted to do something with my career. then i see my cousin living a relaxed life as a teacher n i want that job.

Yes. It's so frustrating having to deal with this lack of stability every day in life. I like to compare it with a house of cards in the middle of a desert with a sand storm raging. Nothing to hold on to, only option is to wait until what you had bulit so far falls a part and you have to start over. That's how we feel.

yes. searching for some anchor. some absolute to anchor myself to.

Exactly. I think this is related to idealization. At least for me, I often find myself wishing to be like the person I idealize so much. It's almost like a desire to connect with them, melt together with them so that we can become one person.

true. i dont have any stand or any set of beliefs.

Yeah, it's hard to build stable and consistent values/opinions when you have no stable sense of self.

And one more thing: I often adjust to people around me, which means that when I'm with certain persons, I have to match their values and opinions and I can't express my own opinions. I copy theirs and agree with everything they say, dislike the things they do etc. For example, when I'm with a girl from my old class, I can't talk about things like parties and stuff, and I can't tell her that I smoke, and back in the days at school I couldn't talk to her about the parties at school because she wasn't the partying type of person etc.

i think if i am talking with this person n agreeing with them then i am betraying another set of beliefs.

its exhausting n very confusing for myself n for others n id ont really have a fixed stable self, aspirations or anything. everything changes the moment i change the tv channel.

What do you mean by betraying another set of beliefs?

Indeed it is confusing. But actually, I haven't ever really thought about how it might affect others that I act as different person in different situations/among different people. In which way do you experience it being confusing for the people around you?
BTW I find your last sentence very fascinating and well expressed.

What do you mean by betraying another set of beliefs?

by betraying another set of beliefs i meant:
i have one aunt who always says, 'we should never take help from others. always be independent.' so when i'm around her i agree with her and confirm to her notions about life.

and then when i ask a friend for some help then i feel like i'm betraying the aunt. or if i'm with the aunt and confirming with her beliefs i feel like i'm betraying the friend by talking about 'not taking help from anyone.'

or when i was with my colleagues n they'd talk about punishing some criminal or something like that. there was one money launderer n the colleagues were talking how he should be punished. then i recalled the time when i made a mistake n was asking for forgiveness. so with my colleagues i was like 'does the money launderer deserve punishment or forgiveness.'

its difficult to have a stand or stick to a set of absolutes.

Indeed it is confusing. But actually, I haven't ever really thought about how it might affect others that I act as different person in different situations/among different people. In which way do you experience it being confusing for the people around you?
BTW I find your last sentence very fascinating and well expressed.

its just confusing when we take take everything seriously. like if my aunt will say 'be independent' i'll be like i dont need help from anyone ever. n then next moment i'm struggling n asking for someone to help me out.

the extreme ends are bothersome.

Oh I relate so much to that! It's terribly tiring. I hate how something seems like the most obvious truth one minute and then the next you can't for the life of you fathom how you could think that! For me, it's like everything's just... liquid. I've sort of accepted it and I try to stay neutral but I also need the passion of knowing who I am, even if I know it won't last.. Like now. I know I shouldn't allow myself to become something, but it feels so good! And the thing about being neutral - for me, at least - is that if you stay it for too long, you'll eventually become a ghost, just barely existing at all. Being alive for me is to burn, but sometimes I need the flames.