Who I am versus who I want to be

I get stuck pretending to be the person I want to be instead of working to be the person I want to be. And then there's the fact that I don't really even know who I want to be.

Do you have a role model? If so, is this person real or imaginary?

Other than therapy, how do you catch and correct your mistakes?

Having caught them, how do you make sure you don't fall back into the same old patterns of behavior?

How do you practice self love while admitting the need to change?

How do you become a better person without pretending or being insincere? Or is aping good intentions enough?

I get stuck pretending to be the person I want to be instead of working to be the person I want to be. And then there's the fact that I don't really even know who I want to be.

at times pretending doesnt work. its like a fake image n it eventually false. its like wearing a spectacles of wrong prescription n its going to cause me trouble when i read an exam question paper.

but then there are times when pretending works. like when i have to exercise often i am not in the mood, so i pretend that i am a muscular hunk n i impersonate some muscular guy n i go to park n exercise. even when i am on the equipment i pretend to be someone else n exercise.

i mean its good for short term goals as it helped me exercise that day, and at times short term goals bring long term results.

Do you have a role model? If so, is this person real or imaginary?

imaginary. my role model is more like i'm a child n this guy is guiding me through life.

Other than therapy, how do you catch and correct your mistakes?

i havent solved any of my mistakes but there was one mistake that i corrected. i had social anxiety in front of my colleagues n whenever i had to speak to my boss about some work, i'd rehearse the talk in my mind a few times n then i'd go n approach the boss.

Having caught them, how do you make sure you don't fall back into the same old patterns of behavior?

my one friend told me that if you want to change the output of a system, either you add more inputs or change the inputs, or you change the system. i had trouble controlling my impulsive nature. i think i have reduced it now as i've realized impulsivity is dangerous. i'm more calm n composed now.

How do you become a better person without pretending or being insincere? Or is aping good intentions enough?

i think better is a relative quality. i just have 2 friends n that's it. they have forgiven me for my mistakes n that feels good. other than that i really am not gunning to win any nobel prize. i try not to intentionally harm others.

pamelaperejil wrote:I get stuck pretending to be the person I want to be instead of working to be the person I want to be. And then there's the fact that I don't really even know who I want to be.

why does it need to be pretending? I often consciously make behavioural choices based on the version of myself I'd most like to be even - especially - when it rails against my more instinctual, knee-jerk reactions. if you do it consistently enough, then over time, you actually become that healthier version of yourself. it's a way of re-wiring your brain.

pamelaperejil wrote:Do you have a role model? If so, is this person real or imaginary?

yes. she's my best friend and she's amazing.

pamelaperejil wrote:Other than therapy, how do you catch and correct your mistakes?

self-awareness, hindsight, skills.

pamelaperejil wrote:Having caught them, how do you make sure you don't fall back into the same old patterns of behavior?

we all have setbacks here and there, but if you're committed to your recovery then you'll see progress over time. you just have to decide that it's important enough.

pamelaperejil wrote:How do you practice self love while admitting the need to change?

I read books about self love, practicing compassion for myself, and live according to buddhist philosophies like loving kindness.

pamelaperejil wrote:How do you become a better person without pretending or being insincere? Or is having good intentions enough?

no, it's not enough. the road to hell and all that. for me, I decided what kind of person I wanted to be, and then I make choices that are in line with that. it becomes easier and more natural every time and then one day you realize how well you've been doing and you see all the good you've done and you realize you really are a good person. if your desire to be better is sincere, then you'll find that making those better choices don't feel fake. it feels incredibly good.

rainbow_sprinkles wrote:

pamelaperejil wrote:I get stuck pretending to be the person I want to be instead of working to be the person I want to be. And then there's the fact that I don't really even know who I want to be.

why does it need to be pretending? I often consciously make behavioural choices based on the version of myself I'd most like to be even - especially - when it rails against my more instinctual, knee-jerk reactions. if you do it consistently enough, then over time, you actually become that healthier version of yourself. it's a way of re-wiring your brain.

How did you know what you wanted to be like?

pamelaperejil wrote:

rainbow_sprinkles wrote:

pamelaperejil wrote:I get stuck pretending to be the person I want to be instead of working to be the person I want to be. And then there's the fact that I don't really even know who I want to be.

why does it need to be pretending? I often consciously make behavioural choices based on the version of myself I'd most like to be even - especially - when it rails against my more instinctual, knee-jerk reactions. if you do it consistently enough, then over time, you actually become that healthier version of yourself. it's a way of re-wiring your brain.

How did you know what you wanted to be like?

by knowing what my values are and what behavioural qualities I admire in others. and through experience of knowing what kinds of actions make me feel good and what kinds don't.

rainbow_sprinkles wrote:by knowing what my values are and what behavioural qualities I admire in others. and through experience of knowing what kinds of actions make me feel good and what kinds don't.

Thank you rainbow_sprinkles. You've been very kind and helpful.