Is it possible for us to ever really be in love?

Having BPD is a nightmare.
I have never had an actual relationship but my interactions with boys I have casually been with has made me feel that I will never truly love and have a real lasting relationship with somebody. I also do not feel as if anybody will ever accept and be able to put up with my BPD. I do not feel like this fairytale idea I have of getting married and having kids etc can ever happen with my Borderline in the way.
Does it get better or is this just the reality with us?

This is very relatable and i don't have bpd.
I always thought having bpd makes you have a lot of intense relationships though and passion that i was jealous because i feel i lack it practically.but maybe i was so wrong.
I think that noone would have patience to deal with my avoidance,while most people want borderlines .
Plus i have feelings for literally all the wrong people.i am under suspicion is a way to self sabotage.
I mean now that i understand more i think about guys in the past and i made such wrong choices and traumatize myself even more.
I am sensitive. I doubt others would be traumatized but anyway.
And i don't seem to be able to change much.
Well i don't want kids but the idea of having noone is scary and not experience a great passion or love is depressing.
Well i see a lot of borderlines here getting married.i don't know if that seems comforting to you. Or they say this one minute and the next are in love again

sakura1 wrote:This is very relatable and i don't have bpd.
I always thought having bpd makes you have a lot of intense relationships though and passion that i was jealous because i feel i lack it practically.but maybe i was so wrong.
I think that noone would have patience to deal with my avoidance,while most people want borderlines .
Plus i have feelings for literally all the wrong people.i am under suspicion is a way to self sabotage.
I mean now that i understand more i think about guys in the past and i made such wrong choices and traumatize myself even more.
I am sensitive. I doubt others would be traumatized but anyway.
And i don't seem to be able to change much.
Well i don't want kids but the idea of having noone is scary and not experience a great passion or love is depressing.
Well i see a lot of borderlines here getting married.i don't know if that seems comforting to you. Or they say this one minute and the next are in love again

That is very interesting - to hear somebody without BPD say they were jealous.
I do have very intense relationships, it's true. I always end up hurting the other person because I split and cannot commit. Then I look back on it and realise they weren't right for me anyway and I feel absolutely nothing for them. I guess it saves me from having my heart broken.
I just wonder if it will always be like this- or if something changes as you grow older and meet new people. I am only 21 so stressing out about things like this now probably seems ridiculous.

The idea of being alone is depressing, I agree.
Maybe it is just about finding the right person. I understand you falling for the wrong people...I feel that I probably fall for people who are too good for me (too kind and fake accepting) and get bored of them and end up hating them...so they were right for somebody else but wrong for me.

i hope you don't get this as offending. but reading this forum and thinking about things after a long time it made me realize how ridiculous it was that i was jealous of them. i kind of devalued them .i saw their narcissistic ugly side in my face.i was wondering if i have traits but now i am sure i don't.
But at least you can say you experienced something passionate for a prief moment,i don't know if devaluation makes you forget that feeling though.
i can let go easy too,i thought that saves me from having my heart broken too but also contradicting this ,it feels more like my heart is always broken,so you can't break something that already is.
Is not that you can't break it,is that there is nothing left to break.Is is in constant state of heart break.so they won't make any difference.but i won't be happy either.
i want to do the opposite,i want to consciously try to find only very empathetic people to fall in love.but everyone seems like a narcissists to me.i also can't control my feelings at all.
but you are right,isn't 21 too soon to be sure?,who knows what will happen.

hi.i have bpd. I thought about this a few months ago and I think it is the impact and acceptance upon other people that creates and stops the questioning of yourself. most 'crazy' folk like me and you have been created through other peoples actions. this is how you create a new person with help from others. start creating new memories and you will be you.X

To be honest I 've felt really offended reading your title. Seriously WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT QUESTION??? No one can love as much as someone who has borderline disorder. We are awful at it, we often love the wrong people, we often hate as much as we love, but FFS we DO LOVE people too. But we hate ourselves so much that we can't love in a calm and peaceful way.
You must be very young aren't you? Don't be in a rush to love, especially if you have borderline disorder and don't treat it, it could destroy you, really.

Yes, is it. I'm not saying it's easy to have a good relationship, but with the right guy (or girl) and lots of effort, communication, and stubbornness, it can be done.

blackandwhiterainbow wrote:To be honest I 've felt really offended reading your title. Seriously WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT QUESTION??? No one can love as much as someone who has borderline disorder. We are awful at it, we often love the wrong people, we often hate as much as we love, but FFS we DO LOVE people too. But we hate ourselves so much that we can't love in a calm and peaceful way.
You must be very young aren't you? Don't be in a rush to love, especially if you have borderline disorder and don't treat it, it could destroy you, really.

I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to offend anybody.
I am young I’m only 21 and I am seeking treatment. I just wondered if anybody else thought like I do or anybody could provide insight on if healthy BPD relationships do exist and can exist for a long time. I feel like I destroy other people and myself in every romantic relationship I ever have so I was just wondering if love exists for people for a long time and if people can accept BPD.
I didn’t mean to offend you, I apologise.

The answer to your question is yes, we most certainly can, but it takes lots of effort and patience on everyone's part. I'm currently with someone who also struggles with mental illness (slightly different set of diagnoses but we share some), and it comes with its own difficulties - like both of us setting each other off into breakdowns - but I've also never met anyone else like them who so deeply understands my life experience.

Whenever I feel like my partner's going to lose their temper or shout at me or punish me for being this way, they're so patient and understanding of how I feel. It saves a lot of time and energy, but by no means is it easy - it's a constant struggle to balance someone else's feelings and your own and dealing with paranoia and self-destructive impulses in a way that doesn't destroy the relationship. But I can say for sure it's been so much easier dating someone who personally understands how this feels, at least for me.

I think open communication is the best way to deal with BPD and dating, if you can manage it. So much hassle is cut out when I can say "it's not that I don't trust you or think you're going to cheat on me, I'm just paranoid you're going to abandon me because I'm insecure about my self-worth" instead of either trying to explain and being yelled at, or knowing I can't explain and dealing with the arguments and fights that come as a result. It's come with years of therapy and I still get lost in the moment during breakdowns sometimes and it falls apart super quick, but it makes the day-to-day easier for sure.

I think it's also easier to deal with these feelings when you don't think too much about the future. I have no idea if I'll have a future with my current partner, or how long our relationship will last, but I think it's helped me a lot to not think too far ahead and take each day as it comes. Cheesy as all hell and much easier said than done, I know (I have my bad days with this and it's a constant struggle, especially when thinking short-term makes the self-destructive impulses and splitting really difficult to manage sometimes) but it genuinely helps me a lot.

What is love?
I think borderlines love harder than most. But also hate harder haha
But love really is just caring for someone, being there for them, treating them with respect.
I think potentially we have the ability to confuse a sort of addiction and/or idealisation and fear of abandonment with love.
Like with my ex, was the reason I couldn’t bear leaving because I loved him or because I was so afraid of being abandoned? I think it was a bit of both. But it can be just the latter.
I’ve realised that I idealise people so easily and I confuse that with love.
Example - I’m no stranger to casual sex... Most of the time I’ll stay cold to the person. But if I like them I will pretty much feel I’m in love after 1 day lol
I was recently in a terrible way.... i slept with this guy and the next day I told him I’ll always love him lmao
Looking at it now I kinda cringe about it lol.... but I will always love him. Being with him that night did something to me, it’s a long story, but we both know we could never be together.
But, was that real love? How can it be? It feels like it but... it depends what your definition is of love I guess. And I think that changes as you get older and mature.
I think most people over complicate love. As I’m getting older I’m realising that love really is just caring for one another mutually and mutual respect. It’s not complicated.
You can see it with older people too. They definitely view love differently to younger people.
Sometimes I wonder if I have ever truly loved anyone though, or if I will ever truly love anyone.
Love hurts me so badly that if I love someone it makes my life very difficult. Because I expect that person to be perfect, and if they aren’t (which no one is) I experience intense pain.
So I detach to protect myself. Or do stupid things.
They have the ability to hurt me more than anyone and make me crazy.
So I think, being in love and loving someone can definitely be more difficult when you’re borderline but that doesn’t mean you’re incapable of loving.
What’s makes it more difficult in my opinion also is many of us have never had a healthy example of what love is in our family.