how to let myself be helped

hi folks,
first time ever posting here. i've known about this site for a long time and read a few posts while reading up about my diagnosis over the years but never thought to post.

the reason why i'm posting here now is because over the past six months, my BPD has gotten close to being out of control again. and i'm not sure how to stop it and let myself be helped.

i went to the hospital when i had a recent meltdown in a desperate (and appropriately dramatic) attempt to allow myself to be helped, and the assessment team sent me away with just a brochure and complete ignorance of my reasons for being unable to call a GP and get a mental health plan. so i've been sort of having meltdowns every day over this reality that no medical professional wants to help me. (i can feel that it's the BPD talking, but... you know.)

i'm scared that i'm going to ruin my relationships with everyone around me. i'm isolating myself, relying too much on my favourite person (is that still a term we use? FP?) for emotional support, ignoring my friends that try so hard to protect me from my dangerous impulses.

i desperately want to heal and learn how to stabilise again, but i'm having a really hard time trying to figure out how i'm supposed to do this. i want help, but i don't think i deserve it, even if i know that isn't rational.

if anyone could offer any advice, i'd be incredibly grateful.

also, i haven't used a forum in a long time, so apologies if my etiquette's off!

if possible then talk to your real life friends. maybe one or two about the challenges your facing. i've told my friends of my mood swings n black n white thinking n they are understanding. not all tough. one just tells me 'get over it'
but two are understanding of my issues.

jaus tail wrote:if possible then talk to your real life friends. maybe one or two about the challenges your facing. i've told my friends of my mood swings n black n white thinking n they are understanding. not all tough. one just tells me 'get over it'
but two are understanding of my issues.

thank you - i'm lucky enough to have a group of very kind and understanding friends who've been here for me through this, even with me isolating myself. i find that when i talk to people about it i just end up becoming overwhelmed by guilt and how manipulative and evil i am for talking to anyone about it, and it ends up just making me clam up... often before i can even start talking about it at all. :/

i've been able to talk to my favourite person a lot about it, though, which is nice. he's been a big help.