One of those days.

TL;DR: My life sucks, I'm empty inside, racing thoughts, mood swings are crap, want to get a tattoo on my face.

So, 9:40pm here, tipsy, thinking how far my life went on and on the same cycle again and again. I just love it, I love ruining my life, I feel like I'm on another level whenever I do enter the darkness and the state of emptiness that goes through my mind excite me at that point that I would give everything in this world to stay like that forever. I feel alive when I feel dead.

So far I made a lot of people hate me and I'm proud of it, who doesn't?

My IQ is so low I have people telling me what to do because I'm too stupid. I felt so many times in my life that I was luckier than other people, but, in the end I found myself to be one at the end of the chain. Self-realization? Who knows, maybe I'm just another freaking psycho ready to be on the next news. I tried to kill myself once using a rope, didn't make it...what a shame. But hey, people won't believe it, they won't believe about what's inside my head, isn't so funny? When you are a mess inside and have to feel sorry because your behavior, that's when you know your life ain't gonna be easy, it's like having a broken leg and trying to explain why you can't run while people think you are faking.

On bad days I will have my thoughts getting in control, telling me that people around me want to hurt me, trick me and that they hate me. My mood swings are so bad and out of control that I can't so much about it and people don't get it...literally, I feel positive, full of energy, ready to go out there and beat the whole world, then I see a nice family, or a mother taking care of his child and suddenly a wave of darkness comes to sweep the crap out of me so hard I need to run away and hide myself from everyone. Those moments of "light" are really short. Some days I will have serious anger issues where I just rage and punch walls or head bang the closet's door and on those days I have to be extra careful because I get racing thoughts about killing people or hurt family members. I used to cope by cutting my self with a knife to calm the storm.

Tomorrow I feel the need to tattoo my face, do you guys have one?

Well, you just need a lot of therapy and things will soon look brighter. I have nothing else to say, wish I were that wise. And please don't get a face tattoo, I have a half sleeve myself, but on the face it looks... not nice.