Clingy / Rejecting

My whole life I have this pattern of clinging to one person at a time. Intensely. If they disappoint me in the tiniest way I am quick to reject them. I hate this. I hate needing people and I hate relying on them. If they can’t be there for me 100% I just wanna ditch them immediately. Needing people is so painful because then they can hurt me.

Does anyone relate to this? I don’t know what to call it.

Let's call it... well... borderline Just saying, you are not the only one to feel this way. I used to be VERY clingy and the clingier I got the more did the other FP go away until they were the ones to abandon me. You are not alone out there. Therapy will do you good, that's for sure. I am still a bit clingy after 2 years of therapy, but I have made A LOT of progress on that. Night and day difference compared to 2015. So, if I, a heavy bpd case, made it ANYONE can.

Love always,
X

-- Thu Jan 18, 2018 6:07 pm --

Oh yes, my therapist tells me that people cannot always be 100% there for us. They need time for themselves too. He compares me to a man in a desert who desperately needs water and when he finds someone in the middle of the desert who was some water, he wants to drink every drop of it and more and more and more. It is perfectly normal. But this is not good for the other person, because he can give us a part of him, not all of him. We just need to understand that and work on ourselves till we grow out of it completely

thanks Patientxgreece!

my FP is often my therapist, which is so not helpful. He can't be there all the time for me. I used to think i was in love with him, but I'm not. I just idealize him sometimes. I've tried rejecting him and terminating our work but he won't let me. He's committed to our work together. Ugh. It's hard. Keeping him in a gray box instead of black and white. I want everything to be extremes. Either you're trustworthy and will be there always, or I'm done with you.

My Dr says I have traits of BPD. She says I'm "better than I was a few years ago." I've gone over the criteria a million times. I meet the criteria for the diagnosis for sure. I guess i don't really need that acknowledged.

You are very lucky to have such a therapist! He sounds like mine! I am sure you will do a wonderful job with him

I relate i feel either we have to be clingy or we are strangers. The in between i don't consider you real friend.the in between feels like nothing.superficial.
But the way i describe it sounds so normal.
I get that more borderline behavior would be :either we are clingy or i burn bridges.
I might not always burn bridges practically but emotionally i do.
Do really people are content to call friends people who see rarely. Or talk rarely? I don't get that as a feeling. I feel they are nothing if i don't have contact often. Why isn't that normal though.
When they change behavior from clingy to more distant is when i want to leave.

Or i revolve so much my feelings over something.and nothing else interests me that when it isn't there i can't stand it,i want to hate it. I wish i could find something to replace it .

julllia wrote:I relate i feel either we have to be clingy or we are strangers. The in between i don't consider you real friend.the in between feels like nothing.superficial.
But the way i describe it sounds so normal.
I get that more borderline behavior would be :either we are clingy or i burn bridges.
I might not always burn bridges practically but emotionally i do.
Do really people are content to call friends people who see rarely. Or talk rarely? I don't get that as a feeling. I feel they are nothing if i don't have contact often. Why isn't that normal though.
When they change behavior from clingy to more distant is when i want to leave.

Or i revolve so much my feelings over something.and nothing else interests me that when it isn't there i can't stand it,i want to hate it. I wish i could find something to replace it .

This is why it is called borderline! Because we are on the verge. I feel the same very often. This in between is neither nor and I don't like it either. When I consider someone a friend but they don't because of this in between situation I end up really hurt but I realize that people are like that and not like me