Intro of sorts....really struggling

I'm kind of new to the BPD forum...I mostly post in DID, but lately have felt more appropriate here. I've had the BPD diagnosis for 18 years but it seemed to be "in remission" until this year. My partner has been having a relapse of OCD and I have found it extremely hard to be available for him and keep myself sane at the same time. I feel close to rage almost every day and have

TW self harm.....



started hitting myself after not self harming in seven years. Feel like doing more than that tonight. On Wednesday I thought about suicide more seriously than I had since my last attempt in 2010.



End TW



I feel like I'm being flung about. Every time I find a sliver of peace or happiness, his disease is there to kick me down. And I have a funeral to go to tomorrow. I'm just so raw and exhausted that I don't know how to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Sorry to hear you're struggling. I don't have any wise words of advice, but I hope things pick up for you. Good luck.

I'd also be interested in hearing how you think DID relates to BPD, if you felt inclined to share.

I am very sorry for that. Please, don't cut yourself. It won't make either your situation or your boyfriend's any better. How about therapy? I am not sure if you are in therapy. It helps a lot. And as for suicide... Please don't even think about it. Keep fighting and things will soon look brighter.

Lots of hugs,
X.

You're strong enough to speak about it! That means you have strength to survive. I would seek and continue therapy whenever possible to get things off your chest. Just realize that many of us are also suffering from this on a daily basis and it sucks! But we are in it together and it is what truly makes us human.

Thanks for your replies. I have been in therapy for almost two decades. I have done DBT, CBT, gestalt, meditAtion, medication, occupational therapy, hospitalization, day rehab...you name it. Lately I feel that these things are all just band aids. That what I really need is some serious trauma work. Don't know where to find that affordably. I will keep fighting.