I finally did it

Last night I got drunk, my BPD came out full force and I caused my best friend and most important person in my life, to force me out of her life. I think it's forever, this time and I have no idea how to cope. Has anyone been through this? Any wisdom? I've been so good, haven't been around here for quite a while, but I need people to talk to or I'll go mad.

jabberwocky wrote:Last night I got drunk, my BPD came out full force and I caused my best friend and most important person in my life, to force me out of her life. I think it's forever, this time and I have no idea how to cope. Has anyone been through this? Any wisdom? I've been so good, haven't been around here for quite a while, but I need people to talk to or I'll go mad.

How did you force her out of your life?

dazn153 wrote:How did you force her out of your life?

By telling her that she could do away with me anytime she felt like it. I still can't believe I said that stuff. We have been friends for 6+ years and I have put her through a lot with my PD. It was a cumulative effect, really. She was my salvation, because of her I have gotten a lot of help and I was so much better. I drank, ran my mouth and she did what she had to do, for herself. I already miss her like crazy.

It depends how much truth there was inherent in the drunken projection. If the things you said were contradictory to your authentic feelings, you'll feel it as an internal dissonance; if what you said represents your actual beliefs, you should be able to detect some sense of exposure.

If you feel exposed, then you have something to be exposed for, and the situation can only be fixed by openly addressing it --- it's a genuine problem without her knowing anything, and the virtues of your friendship have functioned as a distraction.

The things you said can be minimised in the event you were thinking irrationally owing to intoxication (very common with BPD) --- still sh!tty to say, but, out-of-character --- or, if there's truth involved, you can take full accountability and try to fix the behaviour, tell her you need to "work on yourself", and that you had allowed the friendship to become maladaptive for fear of losing her if she knew the full extent --- you tried to control the situation, etc.

This might be a way for you to rebuild your relationship with a healthier, more honest structure. Try not to despair too much. I did something a lot worse to a female friend once, ruined her entire apartment while she was overseas and abused her for no reason, and was sure I'd never hear from her again. 7 months later, when I was in rehab, I got a message saying she couldn't close the chapter, and she'd been waiting for me to get over myself and make the first step --- she'd forgiven me the next day, it turned out.

Also, welcome back man. This is Will Incandenza - we interacted a few times and nearly skyped once.

steerfield wrote:It depends how much truth there was inherent in the drunken projection. If the things you said were contradictory to your authentic feelings, you'll feel it as an internal dissonance; if what you said represents your actual beliefs, you should be able to detect some sense of exposure.

If you feel exposed, then you have something to be exposed for, and the situation can only be fixed by openly addressing it --- it's a genuine problem without her knowing anything, and the virtues of your friendship have functioned as a distraction.

The things you said can be minimised in the event you were thinking irrationally owing to intoxication (very common with BPD) --- still sh!tty to say, but, out-of-character --- or, if there's truth involved, you can take full accountability and try to fix the behaviour, tell her you need to "work on yourself", and that you had allowed the friendship to become maladaptive for fear of losing her if she knew the full extent --- you tried to control the situation, etc.


This might be a way for you to rebuild your relationship with a healthier, more honest structure. Try not to despair too much. I did something a lot worse to a female friend once, ruined her entire apartment while she was overseas and abused her for no reason, and was sure I'd never hear from her again. 7 months later, when I was in rehab, I got a message saying she couldn't close the chapter, and she'd been waiting for me to get over myself and make the first step --- she'd forgiven me the next day, it turned out.

Also, welcome back man. This is Will Incandenza - we interacted a few times and nearly skyped once.

Hey Will, good to see you again. Thanks for your words, they make a lot of sense and I hope I rectify this situation by taking some action, like you describe. I've made the first step, now I guess I just wait. Give her some time. Thanks again!